Things no-one tells you when you're pregnant!

[Emsie00]

Hi All,

When I was expecting I read all the usual books but still found myself thinking afterwards - why did no-one tell me that? I was talking to some friends who could all name a couple of things that they wish they had been told about, some were funny and some were really useful.

Here's a few of them;

1. If you want to breastfeed but cant for some reason the hospital gives you 3 options to choose from which are all free of charge whilst you are in. A) SMA formula B) Cow & Gate Formula C)Donated Breast Milk from another mother. You get to choose which you would like. I had naturally assumed that I would be able to feed my daughter so was completely unprepared to have to make this decision, especially after 19 hours of labour! So do your research beforehand and take your own if you dont like their options.

1. If you have to have an episiotomy don't be surprised if dr/midwife uses a pair of scissors. It took my husband weeks to get over what he had seen!!

1. I thought the suggestion of packing an Eye Mask in my labour bag was ridiculous, so never bought one. My daughter had to have phototherapy for 48 hours and I would have done anything to have had one to block out the blue light at night! There are also always lights on in the ward so it really does help to get you a better nights sleep.

Please add to this thread - With any luck it might help first time mum's to be

I love your description Tinkerboo
I didn't realise that sometimes midwives don't notice that the cord is wrapped round baby's neck! When dd's head came out but she then stopped it was my husband who thought to check!!!

The sheer utter nightmare of waiting for an overdue baby! They say to try and have something to do every day but how many days are you going to be waiting (I had 14, thanks DD!!) and what if you don't feel like doing anything thanks to large bump and tiredness/nervousness/perpetual feeling of waiting??

Things I didn't know about after she was born include: first post-baby wee went on forever (a pint, no less!!), piles (ow. need I say more?), pain in walking and sitting for around 10 days (post-episiotomy). But the many, many good sides far outweigh these... what an amazing feeling to hold and love that baby!

Meconium nappies - everyone warns you about the first nappy being like tar, so I didn't then expect the subsequent 6 nappies to be the same!

Every nappy for the first 8 weeks was a dirty one - never just wet!

The weeks of bleeding - nobody told me it would last so long!

That you actually feel your uterus contracting whilst breastfeeding - most off-putting!

There are no rules, so advice from mw and hv is always vague.

Seeing DH cry at the birth - never happened before.

That every woman you speak to post-birth will love to recount her birth story. Forever.

That DS would be permanently scarred on the top of his head where the consultant broke my waters with a crochet hook.

That you will call NHS Direct because the baby vomited for the first time (or was that just me being neurotic??)

That after months of not lying on your front because of the bump, you still can't because of engorged boobs.

That going overdue would be so traumatic!! Felt completely unprepared for a long wait. Pamirka, yep am with you there for sure. I went loopy crazy thinking my darling baby didn't want me to be his mummy and that's why he didn't want to come out (arrived at last after 13 days).

Night sweats - why didn't my midwife, my sisters or my dear ma ever tell me about these horrendous torrential nightly downpours?

ok my list would be

after the birth dont lie with ur feet raised to get rid of swelling as it can cause the blood to run back up and can cause a very nasty infection
never ever ever get into ur sisters car that has been lowered as it hurts like hell
if you drive sit on a pillow it makes things less painfull down there
during birth you do poo and its not very nice obviously
when people say you will check on ur newborn to make sure they are still breathing they fail to mention you will still do it if they sleep all night or just cos u have a "feeling"

About being pregnant....just how fucking DULL pissed people are after about 10 minutes. I got really bored of being the designated driver.

after the birth, when you have calmed down a bit and held your baby, and then you decide to go for a shower:
1 - on standing up, the amount of lochia that gushes out all over the floor!
2 - the 3 meter walk across the corridor takes 10 minutes!
3 - the shower will remind you of the film "Psycho" with all that blood running down the drain.

oh, and if you waters have broken never let anyone tell you to lie on your back... stupid MW did this to me and baby went into distress, will never forget the look of sheer panic on the doctor's face.

And induction can be awful - I went straight into full blown labour with no breaks... try and resist intervention as much as possible, unless there is a real threat to the baby.

And BF is really difficult, DONT expect it to be all natural and instinctual, it simply isn't!

And you will be overwhelmed by the generosity and kindness of friends and family, nothing touches people like a newborn

get a shiny nighty/pj's/dressing gown. It makes siding in a out of bed easier after birth especially for night feeds. My friend used to sit on a carrier bag whist in the car so she could slide in and out of the seat easier.

Don't forget to do what my antenatal midwife told me to do and take some antibac spray and a cloth in to clean the bath before you get in. Also take a dh/dp to actually do the work - you have enough on your plate.

Ozjo - had forgotten that one, not only are pissed people really dull, but they are also really smelly and talk really close to your face. Also - avoid letting any of them pour their heart's out to you as if it's the end of the world as they have then forgotten it all by the morning.

Ah well - 39wks with #2 looking forward to being on the pissed, smelly side again

ooh ooh ooh! About the shower thing... a blood clot which was EASILY bigger than my baby's head just FELL OUT while i was showering. Then its like, what do you do with it? You just KNOW it won't go down the toilet without clogging it and causing catastrophe. I ended up leaving it and quietly telling the midwife, who said it was good i left it as they needed to inspect it. These women do not get paid enough!!

With ds1 no one told me that after about 5 days he would have a growth spurt where he would be continuously bf'ing for almost 24hrs, i was in agony.

Do you know reading these posts has brought it all back, all the horrors of giving birth, different things that poor mothers have to go through. Im 9wks pg with baby#3 and im now sat here with legs crossed thinking 'what have i let myself in for, again.'I must be mad

oooh these posts have brought back some very painful, deeply buried memories!! Things no one told me -

that even though you never contemplated using formula when the paediatrician instructs you to 'top up' your prem twins with it after a BF they will prefer to have the nice formula tipped down them and learn to wait for that rather feed from you and then you'll get shouted at by the MW for daring to use formula...

that MWs can be really mean and make you feel really crap for being so incompetent and not knowing absolutely everything the minute you give birth. They can also reduce you to tears after you've spent 15 mins with the nasty electrical expressing machine and managed to produce about 2mls of colostrum

that MWs and paeds don't actually communicate and when you think you can go home after a week in hell, sorry, post natal ward (where you have half starved due to complete shite they pass off as food and not slept as they ignore you all day then wake you evrry 3-4 hrs through the night to feed) because all the MWs have agreed babies are doing great, paed comes along and says no you can't so because its 3 days befor Xmas you discharge yourself anyway and get 'stroppy mare' on your notes forever

Thanks god I had 2 at once and don't have to go through it again! Rant over...

I had a horrible time giving birth on both attempts. The 1st time things went on forever and the 2nd there was no time for pain relief (All the MWs had disappeared and the anaesthetist was doing more important things). The 1st time would have killed me were it not for sink plungers and the 2nd time were it not for antibiotics. I shook for 2 hours after the birth of #2. Its the thought of the aftermath that puts me off doing it again though! Those piles don't get smaller with more babies!

That if you have forceps and an emergency cs you could have 4 people looking up your fanjo and another 10 standing around looking at your naked paralysed body rapidly followed by a nurse shaving your garden with a cheap plastic razor and you won't even care.

(Although I did find myself blushing when some of the said people appeared at my bedside the next day! Not sure which is more ridiculous).

All I was going to say has been pretty much covered in the posts that I have read - but - don't bother with toe nail varnish - I spent ages bent over a massive bump to do mine, only to have it very badly removed when they thought I was going to have to have a section... Apparantly you can tell if someone's losing oxygen because their toenails go blue! Err... watch to see if I stop breathing perhaps??

oh yes, the number of people that suddenly appear to have a good gawp - there must have been at least 15 people in my delivery room, the MW even moved me to a bigger one to accommodate them all before it got too late!

The fact that they kick you out after 48 hours after a c-secton is traumatising enough, but after 6 hours of having one and when you still cant feel your legs and blood is going all over the place i was told by the charming MF's come on get up get up you must walk to the loo they took my catheter out so i could not rest in bed and then i had a midwife come and try and drag me out of the bed by my arm as i refused to try and get up because i was in alot of pain and i could not feel half of my body. She gave up in the end and said i would have to wet the bed if i did not move and no you cant have anymore pain relief you had some 4 horus ago. No one told me that you are expected to hop about that soon after a C-section and that you can not ask for any more pain releif. I could not even pick my baby out of the cot or lift her to feed her. Upon which i was told by the MF keep trying, not here can i help you.

and yes earlysbird i agree they make you feel rubbish if you cant make baby take to BF just like that. All the midwife did was shove my boob in the babys face which was usless. My doctors then told me dont BF her yet the antibiotics we are putting you on will affect the baby as they are very strong. But the MD said no no dont listen to the doctors they know nothing you must BF so i carried on only to cause my baby oral thrush and vomiting so i had to give her formula in the end anyway.

The placenta smells meaty.
Even full term babies can be hairy
Fingernails can be sharp
Girls bits look very strange and exposed. And they're quite gunky as well.
When you are passing the head, it stings and burns.
Your breasts are like milky torpedos in the morning.
The name you both decided on doesn't seem to suit once the baby is born.

This is a great thread, but was just reading the OP which says "with any luck it might help first time mums-to-be", and was thinking Christ, God help any first time mum that reads this! It's enough to put anyone off!

Wld like to add to any traumatised first-timers that although it may possibly/probably be more awful than you ever imagined, it will also be more wonderful and awe-inspiring, and worth it. Cliche I know, but true...

If you have a c-section, you are really pulled about and in my case, when they put pressure on to get the baby out, they were crushing my ribs so much that I couldn't breathe. I also had a reaction to the epidural and was throwing up and shivering uncontrollably. After the baby was delivered, she and my dh went off to the recovery area and I was in theatre being stitched up for about 30mins. I didn't get to hold ds for about 45 mins after she was born. The books say it takes about 6 weeks to recover - it doesn't, it takes ages (I felt about 95% normal after 10 weeks). Only after a c-section do you realise how much you use your stomach muscles.

Oh and I wish I had known that ALL midwives, HVs and doctors (not to mention books) will give you wildly different, not to mention completely contradictory advice. Feed from one breast, feed from both, feed every two hours, feed every four hours and not before, feed whenever they scream, don't wait for them to scream feed them before they scream, yada yada yada, and that was just breast-feeding!

I spent 3 weeks frantically vacillating from one policy to the other before deciding they were all talking crap and I would do whatever I liked the sound of and ignore the rest.

Needless to say, was so much happier...

God, there's no way I'm having a second one now...not after reading this thread! Will stick at DS1!!

Having my hormones adjust to not being pregnant was a rough ride for me. I had horrible baby blues which co-incided with having to be re-admitted when DD hadn't put on enough weight 'cos I had a tough time BF. Being in hospital made me feel a lot worse- like I'd failed as a mother in the first 3 days. I felt absolutely despairing the first few weeks because I felt unable to cope with the sleep deprivation, trouble BF and then of course we had lots of money troubles at the same time!

My relationship with my mum also deteriorated after DD was born, I remember her telling me 7 days after my DD was born when we had to borrow 60 quid off her to pay the 'phone bill (that she actually owed us, but that's another story) that I should go out and get a cash in hand job waitressing because I had responsibilities now!

Bleeding for 6 weeks was a big barrel of laughs I can tell ya! Especially when I was told my MW it would be 2 (My sister warned me it would be longer than that)
It's very hard to BF when you are been given a blood transfusion... and they take HOURS!

Poos and sore boobs are a nightmare.

Always carry a spare top, bra and breast pads with you. Leaky boobs happen... a lot