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'Recovery time' after 1st birth - how long?

110 replies

Smittals · 27/09/2006 13:30

Hello - just wondering how long it took you to feel relatively in control physically and back on your feet again after giving birth for the first time please? I'm due a couple of weeks before Christmas and wondering if I'll be able to cope with all the family visiting, feeling human enough to deal with Christmas dinner etc etc. Both Mum and MIL have already involved us in Christmas events, so I'm wondering if feeling worried (and, lets face it, harassed!) is just me being feeble - after all, they've been through it twice each!

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elydoll · 27/09/2006 13:34

Hi, Im afraid I dont have an answer but similar question! Hadnt even thought about it until you mentioned it! I'm due 18dec and then I have mother, step-dad, sister, FIL and MIL all coming over for xmas (mother/sis and step-dad coming for 10day holiday from france and FIL/MIL both retired so they'll probably wanna stay a few days) so its going to be a pretty full house...

Am I mad? Should I be telling them to forget it? Just thought great, they can look after the house and stuff for me and i'll just be mum to new baby...??

motherinferior · 27/09/2006 13:34

I think it will depend entirely on your labour and birth, I'm afraid. I had a very long and difficult labour the first time round and felt as if I'd been kicked in the stomach by a horse for about two weeks afterwards. I'm sure loads of people will tell you that they had a very different experience and I'm just being negative, but I'm afraid that was how I felt.

I would seriously think about cancelling them. Even if you're springing around like a newborn gazelle, frankly filling your house full of all sorts of people who want a meal on time and dealing with all that, may be rather far down on your list of Fun Things To Do when you're confronted with a new baby.

And that's if the baby arrives around its due date. If you're still staggering around unsprogged presumably the last thing you'll want is helpful rellies saying 'have you had the baby yet?' and 'ooh, Smittals, this'll get you going' and 'ooh, darling, was that a twinge?'

kama · 27/09/2006 13:36

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KathyMCMLXXII · 27/09/2006 13:36

Hi Smittals.

I'm having my second at the beginning of Dec and there is NO WAY I would have everyone here for Xmas - not that I didn't feel human after a fortnight last time, but you really don't need the hassle unless they are the sort of family who will come to your house and do all the cooking etc themselves! We are going down to my mum's instead so we can get waited on hand and foot - much better idea.
By the way, some people prefer to not go anywhere or have any major visits for at least 6 weeks or so, so you mustn't think you're being feeble - it's entirely up to you and it's your baby so everyone else has got to fall in with what you want

Kelly1978 · 27/09/2006 13:38

I'm sure you will be fine. You will be exhausted with the demands of a newborn, so if you aren't up to it you will have to tell them when it comes to it. But I'm sure you will have recovered fromt he birth fine. I was up and about straight away with my first, took her oput every day as soon as we got home. With my second I had him at midday, was home for dd's birthday tea!

Gobbledigook · 27/09/2006 13:39

Er, I was not with it all after the birth of ds1 for a good month I'd say.

I was induced and had an epidural which I'm sure didn't help and was in hospital for a few days.

I felt pretty overwhelmed.

I also struggled with breastfeeding for this month and that really put a downer on the whole thing because I got quite depressed and stressed about it at the time.

This is just my experience though. 2nd and 3rd time round I was out of hospital a couple of hours after giving birth and felt pretty much normal straight away.

There is no way to predict how you'll feel tbh!

LIZS · 27/09/2006 13:40

Agree with MI , it sounds a lot to take on and you cannot possibly know how you will feel, apart from probably dog tired. Personally I barely walked any distance for at least 10 days ( bed, armchair, loo, kitchen and back !) and found it hard to sit in the car for any length of time for about 4 weeks while stitches healed and coccyx pain subsided (that took a fair bit longer to be "right"). The demands of a newborn should not be underestimated and ,unless they will unobtrusively wait on you hand and foot, literally, think low key and maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised.

robin3 · 27/09/2006 13:43

I'd say the first time round you shouldn't plan to do much BUT you will because carrying on the way things were is a way of surviving all the change. It's your psychological state which will probably be most tender so prepare to feel like crying quite a bit.

The second time around you plan to do nothing and yet you can cope with more because you've already adjusted to the routine of parenthood and life.

Drusilla · 27/09/2006 13:45

Even if you do recover quickly physically I think you're both insane to have people over for Christmas so soon after arrival of baby! There is no way I could have coped with all those people as well as looking after a new born. You're not being feeble, but will feel feeble when you are feeding a baby every few hours through the night

kama · 27/09/2006 13:46

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motherinferior · 27/09/2006 13:47

And you may, of course, have a Caesarian.

I did expect to be bouncing around after DD1, by the way. And I felt really quite OK after DD2.

ajscoop · 27/09/2006 13:59

On a reeeeally selfish point, you will hardly get to see your baby with all that family around. everyone will want to hold him/her. I would prefer to visit them somewhere and have family in small doses.

Agree with kama, I was in bed bf and felt everything exposed to everyone with mw, mum, dp in and out of room. Only at 6 weeks I said to myself I should be getting dressed every day now!

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 27/09/2006 14:01

Depends on the birth.

My first was relatively easy, and i was out of hospital 12 hours following the birth, and out and about visiting and shopping etc the next day - she just slotted in!

Second birth, although even easier, I was out of hospital 16 hours later (i dont do hospitals!) it took me a few more days to settle down - i did go out that day after the birth, but only to the shop and back again!

I seemed to need a little more rest even though the labour was quicker and easier.

hunkermunker · 27/09/2006 14:07

After DS1, quite a while, because I had a bad tear. After DS2, I felt fine almost immediately (smaller tear). But after both boys I had a horrible day 10 days after having them - it's like the high of having a newborn had worn off, but I wasn't physically quite right again. Also that was coupled with mastitis with DS2, so felt really ropey!

I'd say you have no frame of reference for how you'll feel after having a baby, so don't make decisions you'll have to stick to to avoid hurting people's feelings.

sallyrosie · 27/09/2006 14:10

Like someone else has said - physically not very long (although you are bleeding for a couple of weeks which is a pain, and may have episiotomy/tear etc to contend with, and early days of BFing its not easy to do with houseful of people)
Mentally a lot lot longer, and don't forget that you'll be up a lot in the night and really need to rest during the day when your baby sleeps.
All in all, if your relatives are the 'let me take baby for a few hours while you sleep, I'll clean the house for you, don't bother getting out of your PJs I'll bring you a cup of tea' types then welcome them with open arms.
If they will expect you to look after them at all, tell them not to come.

Toady · 27/09/2006 14:20

I had my DS3 on December 21st. Had a straightforward delivery (kind of ) no tears or anything physically wrong.

Unfortunately we got sucked into Christmas with various members of the family.

Obviously he was only 3 days old and we had 2 other children but personally it took me about 3/4 weeks to get back to some sort of routine.

If I had another baby at christmas I would stay at home put my feet up on the sofa, babe in arms and let everyone else worry about it. SOD what they think

Toady · 27/09/2006 14:24

Also I know it does not apply now but didn't midwifes used to advise that you did not take baby out for 10 days.

I think this is probably quite sensible really for mum and baby to rest and bond.

bundle · 27/09/2006 14:27

I had two unplanned caesareans (it can happen to anyone) so I would ditch the Christmas invites (haven't they heard of a babymoon?)

good luck

Mumpbump · 27/09/2006 14:28

I reckon it takes about 2 weeks to get through all the hormonal changes you have directly after the birth, but still had a day of crying at about 4 weeks. The midwives will probably tell you that the more you rest, the quicker you will get over it which is absolutely true! I'm no good at doing nothing and took me a few days (and infected stitches) to realise that I really had to...

Agree with what Sallyrosie says about the type of relatives you have, but we found that our ds got very stressed by having lots of people around and being handled. Usually ended up with him screaming for an hour or so in the evening to get all the stress out and, of course, you're the one who gets to deal with that! Mind you, as long as you're going to other people's houses (which it sounds like), no-one is going to mind if you cancel at the last minute on the basis that you had a bad night, are too tired, etc.

oliveoil · 27/09/2006 14:32

emergency section with dd1, vbac with dd2

physically fine with both, mentally was a dribbling crying sobbing mess with both who was sure my life was ruined over and I would never sleep again dammit

not the best person to have around a dinner table!

you may react differently but most people I know with a newborn just tolerate visitors rather than enjoy them iyswim

are they coming to your house or are you going to theirs? if they are coming to your house, under no circs are they to expect you to prepare food or host!! They are to arrive laden with food and wait on you and the newborn hand and foot.

dreamcatcher · 27/09/2006 14:52

It deends on your relationship with your mum/mil.
If you think for even a second that they may compete to hold the baby, give you advice or in any waydetract from your first christmas as a family then say you,dh and new baby want to be alone.
If on the other hand you think there's a chance of them washing up/cooking/bringing you cups of tea etc. then go ahead!
The most annoying thing about people giving advice when you're still hormonal, is that it will feel like critisism. Even if it's not!
have a wonderful first christmas whatever!!

dinosaur · 27/09/2006 14:55

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

scootermum · 27/09/2006 15:00

I felt ok physically after labour, depsite lengthy labour and huge tearing etc.It was the tiredness that killed me.I was ok for the first wek or so, but the second week I just ran out of steam and looked and felt like death.My DH's two sisters and husbands and Kids came and it was terrible.They were worried about me becuause I was so tired I could barely speak!
That said everyone is different.(Im a bit nesh a the best of times)
What I would do is say you'll have Christmas at yours but that you wont be able to do much.You will need some waiting on.And that if you are tired you will go for a nap and no one is to be insulted..Any family worht hteri salt will be ok with that and if not they can have it at their gaff.
To digress-I had dd on Boxing day last year and it was a really lovely time.We bought her home and put her under the tree and there were fairy lights everywhere.ah, sigh-it was such a magical time...

evansmummy · 27/09/2006 18:55

I was induced and had a short but nasty labour two weeks before Xmas (15th). And, probably due to a nasty tear, wasn't properly feeling better for about a month afterwards.

Have never been the same since, really...

Plibble · 27/09/2006 19:14

You're not being feeble. I ran on adrenaline after DD was born (by emergency section) and so took myself to the shops round the corner the day after I got home from the hospital. The next day I found myself re-admitted to hospital after the community midwife took my blood pressure (too high) and ordered me to go back.

I thought I was fine: the evidence proves that I wasn't and when it finally all hit me a couple of weeks later, I wished I had taken it easier all along. You don't know what kind of birth you will have, how you will feel afterwards (mentally or physically) or how the baby will be settling in at home. Tell them they can come to yours as long as they bring food, do your ironing and do not expect you to show your face. And reserve the right to cancel on them at the last miinute if you feel like it. Next time I give birth, I will be staying in my jammies in my bedroom for at least 10 days and demanding room service and a complete absence of any visitors who expect me to make conversation! Bringing home a baby is a really special thing and it is nice to have plenty of time in the first few weeks to bond as a new family.