'Recovery time' after 1st birth - how long?

[Smittals]

Hello - just wondering how long it took you to feel relatively in control physically and back on your feet again after giving birth for the first time please? I'm due a couple of weeks before Christmas and wondering if I'll be able to cope with all the family visiting, feeling human enough to deal with Christmas dinner etc etc. Both Mum and MIL have already involved us in Christmas events, so I'm wondering if feeling worried (and, lets face it, harassed!) is just me being feeble - after all, they've been through it twice each!

Commit!

Eldest 12 next week. Just about over it Less flip - since eldest and sis (17 months later) arrived, xmas day has always been just the 4 of us. It's not feeble or anything else - it's us enjoying our space in, let's face it, a manic world. Eldest's first xmas, we did invite everyone over for xmas tea - they arrived just after lunch; eldest was in bed, we were finishing the wine and Mum and MIL did all the washing up and got the tea ready!!! So, deciding on who comes is down to the help you think they'll be - if they want full hotel service, forget it. If they'll let you rest and relax, take all the offers; don't refuse one - there will be so many days when there's just you and you're desperate to sleep. But that passes too - 2018's looking good!!!!!

I felt very protective and didn't really want any visitors for the first 2 weeks. I made it clear to everyone that I was only having immediate family to visit (grandparents) and my best friend. My Mum was great she would ask if I'd like her to come on a certain day. She'd text me about an hour before she was due to visit to see if we were upto visitors, she would always turn up with a food parcel. My inlaws unfortunately was not sensitve to the situation at all, they came the day I got out of birth centre for dinner my FIL got drunk and argumentative and they didn't leave until 11.30 I went to bed at 9.30 mth DH trying to get rid of them DD want BF at 11 and I ended up waiting till they'd gone. Unfortunately DH was so pissed off he hasn't spoken to FIL since (DD is now 8weeks) My advice is make it clear of your expectation, only have visitors you can ask to leave and let people know not to be offended if you cancel a couple of hours before hand. If people offer to do anything accept my bestfriend came on day 10 ask if she could do anything I proceded to get the ironing basket out for her!!!

I was due on 20th Dec last year and had a similar quandary. The fact you are feeling harassed suggests that juggling a newborn and loads of rellies probably isn't your thing.

Personally I wouldn't have coped with anyone but my mum staying with us, or being anywhere but at home. I had a really good, quick, uncomplicated birth and was back home within 4 hours feeling fine but god, you need your privacy!! Bloodstained bedsheets and maternity knickers everywhere, sluicing yourself down as you go to the loo for the first few days, needing to spend an hour in the loo psyching yourself up to go for the first post-delivery poo, walking around with your boobs out if you are trying to breastfeed... it isn't that visitor-friendly!

If your baby arrives on time and with no complications then after 2 weeks I guess you could cope if you have to, but it's a big if and I think this is one time in your life where you get to call the shots. Make the most of it and just think about what will help keep you sane. You will have quite enough on your plate without having to worry about everyone else. Also agree with comments about breastfeeding - I couldn't do it in front of anyone to begin with and used to hole up in my room for an hour at a time. If I had been at a Christmas do at someone else's house at the 2-week stage I'd probably have felt pretty resentful and martyr-like. Either that or been horrified at people sticking their head around the door to see how you're getting on - so not what you need!

I was due on 24th Dec 04. Cooked full xmas dinner for all - ate it and had a glass or two of wine as was sick of preg by then... Eventually gave birth on 28th Dec. Was home a few hours later getting on with life... Coping, all fine etc... Then felt rubbish a couple of weeks down line, but didn't tell anyone... DD now 22 months old and am fine again emotionally. In terms of physically, well, was back in jeans within a few days of givivng birth, but bits... well that's another story entirely... am about to brave epidural to have botched stitch job corrected!!

Sorry, just re-read my post and maybe that was unnecessarily graphic...!

no, edka, you were right to say it like it is! . i found it exactly the same - i bled for 9 weeks and it just freaked me out . Obviously all the superwoman who were holding dinner parties for ten the day after they gave birth were not changing these gross gross GROSS pads every hour and Bf for one hour out of three!

I am so with the cancelling people here! I had my DS 4 weeks ago and I only started having visitors last week when I felt up to it mentally and physically. Even then I've chosen carefully and only had local people who have stayed for an hour and then gone away again. My family live hours away and my mum and sister wanted to come and visit when I was in hospital but my DH didn't want them to come and told them so (assertive training should be part of the antenatal process for all partners!). My DH told my MIL that she should expect to see us at Christmas!

We are seeing them all next week when DS will be six weeks old and I have had some bitching about it but I DON'T CARE. This is one time in your life when you put YOU and YOUR baby first and be as selfish as you like. They will never be so small and vulnerable again so stay in bed with DH and have lots and lots of cuddles.

I am also in the cancel cancel party and I haven't even sprung mine forth yet!
I am due any day now (1st baby) and my parents are bringing their caravan to stay in to give us some space! My Mum is going to stay with us for about a week, with the sole purpose of looking after me, answering the phone and warding off visitors!!
I am expecting to be tired, emotional, bleeding, feeling and looking awful and the VERY last thing I would want is for loads of people to descend on me feeling like that!!
I think it must be a completely overwhelming experience for yourself and your OH and rest and recuperation, physically, mentally and emotionally are imperative for your well-being.
Everyone has been warned as well that I don't want any visitors in the hospital - but I do know myself really well and I am very assertive so have no problems with stating exactly what I want! Sometimes in life you just have to be 'selfish' for your own personal sanity.
Good Luck!

I had my DS on 22nd December last year (due date). My parents had been invited for Christmas but we agreed to keep plans flexible. As it was they arrived at lunchtime on 22nd and we said hello and then dashed off to the hospital. I was home the next morning and it was lovely to have the whole family there. I was very sore after stitches and could hardly sit down for Christmas lunch but was lucky that my husband cooked, grandparents cuddled (the baby that is!) and I didn't have to worry while I got to grips with breastfeeding etc. All I can say is that you'll have to keep plans open as there's no way of knowing how you will feel after the birth but if you have any doubts about having people to stay or for Christmas lunch only invite people who you know will help out and not get you stressed.Good Luck !

I had my DS on 22nd December last year (due date). My parents had been invited for Christmas but we agreed to keep plans flexible. As it was they arrived at lunchtime on 22nd and we said hello and then dashed off to the hospital. I was home the next morning and it was lovely to have the whole family there. I was very sore after stitches and could hardly sit down for Christmas lunch but was lucky that my husband cooked, grandparents cuddled (the baby that is!) and I didn't have to worry while I got to grips with breastfeeding etc. All I can say is that you'll have to keep plans open as there's no way of knowing how you will feel after the birth but if you have any doubts about having people to stay or for Christmas lunch only invite people who you know will help out and not get you stressed.Good Luck !

I'd say to feeling back on this planet, about 3 - 4 weeks

I agree with almost all the others. My dd was 2weeks late - due on new years eve and finally born on the 11th. I gave up work early in the expectation that baby would be early. Felt really chilled by the time she came, except had a really bad birth , forceps, stitches and tiredness. not to mention the emotional effect of it all. We were in hospital for 5 days as well. I would say let someone else do the whole christmas thing. If you get there you get there, if not just make sure you have a freezer full of food! Good luck!

Can I ask why your family are planning to come to you?

Surely they should realise the sitution that you are currently in and be inviting you round to their place for christmas.

If I had to think of two of the most stressful things I could put myself through - one would be organising Christmas for family and the other would be giving birth!!!!!

Your mad to try and combine the two.

Some people on here sprang right back after having a baby and we all like to think that's how we will be for us, but often the reality is very different.

I woud cancel and let someone else look after you this year. Even your DH will be feeling emotionally drained and exhausted!

I would say you want a quiet Christmas alone as a new family.
On the quetsion itself I went back to work after 2 weeks (btu that was for a rest/break from the baby I think as much as anything else) so that does illustrate that if you've not had a C section you are able to function, walk around, talk etc, particularly if the baby isn't with you and someone else is caring for it.....

I hosted my father's 70th birthday here when the twins were 6 weeks as I couldn't have easily taken us all to him and that wasn't too hard - just a family meal but 6 weeks is a lot longer than 2.

I still havn't! (18 months and counting)

I'd say it depends very much on how you normally feel about cooking for family, entertaining them and having your space invaded.

As you can probably tell i like my privacy and quiet and resent most houseguests.

But as a rough rule of thumb my GP, (great old fashioned kind of family GP) told me that he always advised new mothers to rest in bed for 9 days, not necearily totally in bed but he said stay in your dressing gown as much as possible, pamper yourself and relax.

I'd say that the 3-5 month window was the best one for me, baby had started sleeping 7- 10pm and 11pm-6am, I was phsycially back in my old clothes, he was less fragile and I was used to the whole being in charge of this tiny little tihng bit. But he was still very easily trasportable in a sling and needed very little except warmth and milk.

Its actually alot harder now to have houseguests as he is a very active and messy toddler

Just remember if more people are there more people can help. I was living with my mom when ds was born. (Closed on a house a week before he was born, and still hadn't furnished our house as ds was two weeks early) My sister flew in to be with me and dh. I was so happy to have them around. They were such a help especially the first few nights when I was still recovering. Also greatly appreciated friends showing up with pizza just to chat. My friends would watch him while I showered. Sometimes it was nice just to hand him over to someone so I could have a break and eat like a normal person. Phsyically, I was out shopping (for short spurts) when he was five days old.

my advice - make no plans because you have absolutely no idea how the birth will be and how you will feel.
I had dd1 6 weeks before Christmas and also had it in my head I would do the whole Christmas dinner thing but I was still knackered, plus my daughter had the worst colic so I got no sleep!! you really shouldn't commit IMO - your loved ones will understand.

I am due to have a c-section with baby #2 on Dec. 4th. Have told everyone it will be lovely to see them, but I'm not planning to lift a finger for at least 3 - 4 weeks. My mother and dad live a couple of streets over, so will be hosting meals and other Christmas festivities. I have offered our guest room for overflow and will be happy to socialize if I'm in the mood, but have said everyone is to basically stay over there unless I give express permission to visit I was wayyy to accommodating with visitors last time and don't intend to be that way again.

DH has told me to post a msg from him! His mum is finnish and in finland you can't visit a mum with a baby without bringing food. So when they dis their fist visit she came armed with beed stew and cake! btw would advise not to visit them as an alternative to them coming to you. I found that even more stressful as you're not in the comfort of your own home. leaving the house to get to tesco is hard enough with a tiny person but even worse for a whole day somewhere else! But others may have found this not to be the case. hope all goes well anyway.

You have no way of knowing how you are going to feel after. I think the answer to your question also depends on how helpful/useful you think they will be.

I had an awful recovery (bad tears/stitches and breastfeeding issues), but 3 days after the birth I had mum and 2 aunts stay for 2 weeks. One aunt was totally useless, but mum and other aunt were such a godsend I can't tell you!! The cooked, cleaned and even got up at night to burp baby after I fed him and put him back to sleep so I could get some extra rest!

I think it depends on how much your partner is going to do to help out! If he wants to do the cooking and most of everything else whilst you look after the baby then things should be Ok, otherwise i'd put everyone off - it will be impossible to do everything when you have a newborn to feed - which can take up to an hour and is usually at the most inconvenient times and thats not even considering how you'll be feeling due to lack of sleep and how mobile you'll be after the birth. I remember feeling like an invalid after having stiches and piles (sorry TMI!) and getting up from a chair was a nightmare!

Defintely don't plan to host Christmas Day/Lunch. It's not just the day itself but what about all the shopping for the shedloads of food, drink, as well as having to make the place look festive. Even if your DP does it, you will resent him spending 6 hours down at Sainsbury's in a queue rather than being around you and newborn. You should be going to them. No doubt about it. DS was born on 2 December 2000 and by Christmas I was ok, (ie enjoying the baby and feeling fairly positive) but I was so sleep deprived that (as a previous poster said) I was practically hallucinating. I also felt "trapped" in a sitting position for hours on end for breastfeeding (I'm pro-bf but just wanted to say that you can feel this).

They may say they will do it all for you in your house. I say, well why not do it in their house then (unless I suppose you would have to travel a very long way). If it's at yours, they will ask you how the oven works, where are the plates kept, the wine glasses and with the best will in the world you will still bear responsibility for the "event".

I do absolutely love Christmas and have done it at my house in 2003 when ds=3, dd=9months, and again in 2004 and 2005. My third is due in 3 weeks and I am NOT planning to do it this year, and have kept completely quiet about the subject. Am waiting to be asked my parents, PIL or one of my sisters.

The best and most memorable way that you can spend Christmas (imo) will be just the three of you. It is such a special time that you should have no interuptions. Friends of mine had a 'no visitors for 2 weeks' rule, and I will definitely have the same for db2. I wasn't brave enough to turn people away with ds1, but found visitors (except Mum)upset any routine, and unsettled ds. I was mentally very stable (except for one day when the dog ate my long awaited lunch while I dashed to the loo for the first time in hours after constant bf ) and physically OK, but wanted my own space. After a few weeks, I started to really enjoy having visitors, but only for short periods. Ds will be 7 months old at Christmas, and there is no way I will allow anyone to stay!

Oh, and the hardest thing I found when we had visitors was concentrating on ds, and on bf, which should be the most important things. There should be no timetable in the first few weeks other than what baby needs. Sitting down for any meal while it was still hot was near impossible, so you probably wouldn't feel involved in the celebrations.