Of course, labour is tough, but retrospectively, there are actually still a couple of things I am laughing about today (my DS is 10 1/2 months old).
My DS was a bit of a surprise arrival at 36+1 weeks. Thinking that I would go into hospital to be assessed, maximally to stay a night to be started on antibiotics, I unpacked my hospital bag at home to pack a smaller overnight bag (my husband is still laughing about this today) and paid for three hours parking. A few hours and some tiny contractions later it dawned on me that I'd be here to stay for the night, so I shuffled downstairs to the hospital reception - in the spirit of active labour - to upgrade my parking ticket. And who is working at the parking office? The student whose PhD I had failed (and whom I really really dislike!) only about three weeks earlier 
...
Anyway, I shuffle back upstairs, contractions getting stronger and shorter together by the minute (start of contractions to 9 cm - 2 hours). I arrive back on the ward, the biggest contraction so far almost floors me. I lean on the reception desk and breathe heavily. Lady behind the desk: "What's wrong with you?" What's wrong with me? 
The best answer to this one would probably have been "Where do you work?" but my funny bones were failing me at this point.
Half an hour later, my husband arrives back, having raced back 60 miles from a stag do which was meant to be his last night of freedom (he will probably never quite forgive our son). My contractions are now very painful, I scream for pain relief. But they don't want to examine me due me being 36 weeks, risk of infection and because they don't believe I am that far yet. One of the pictures that I've got in my mind from that evening is my husband almost physically dragging a midwife to my bed (he says if it'd been a guy, he wouldn't have guaranteed non-violence). Lo and behold, 9cms.
Finally on labour ward, 2 hours of contractions, getting high on gas & air and not pushing so well (because of getting high on gas & air). Gas & Air is taken away from me (my husband had the honour to take the nozzle out of my reach... I could have punched him at this point!). Unexpectedly (by me), midwife says "Just one more contraction and head is out." Well, unfortunately, wrong assessment, because it was twooooo pushes! Apparently, I was not at my politest at this point. Then, at the next contraction, trainee midwife (a mum of three herself, so she should know better) says "This is going to sting a bit" in anticipation of head actually coming through. My husband says a I looked at her as if I was going to have her for dinner...
Altogether I look back on the whole evening with real fondness and I really laugh at all these episodes now!
Did anything funny happen during your labour (At least funny in retrospect)? Make me laugh!
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Childbirth
Did anything funny happen do you during labour?
dodi1978 · 16/06/2014 20:05
I think I must have been in transition when I suddenly declared, I can't do this tonight, I'm going to see my Mum and have a cup of tea. DD was out not long afterwards but I still remember randomly trying to escape whilst DH and the MWs gave each other knowing looks... Great stuff that gas and air 
Got sooooo high on the gas and air! My midwife( Judith... Who I decided to call Jude) said she had never laughed so much, I told her I would pay her overtime if it went past her shift as I didn't want her to leave, and every contraction I shouted "Fuck your mother Jude!"
When it came to push I shouted "Who's got their finger in my arse?!" at the top of my voice
I laugh back at it now
Not me but my Dm's birth story of Dsis. Apparently there was so much blood the midwife fainted and they had to fetch a new one. My Dsis nearly shot off the end of the bed and had to be caught.
When they brought in two year old me to meet my new sister I told them to "put her back where she came from" (oblivious to where she did actually come from).
Another one off their tits on gas and air. I remember announcing to the midwife that I wanted to go outside and have a cigarette because the g&a made me feel pissed 
Considering I was having an epidural put in at that moment, the midwife pointed out that it might not be the best idea I'd ever had...
I'll also never forget the moment when they broke my waters - consultant, two registers and a midwife hanging around at the bottom of the bed, consultant broke my waters, and everyone just sort of gasped and backed away from me - it was like that moment in Friends with Phoebe crying "my eyes, my eyes!" They all tried to come back near the bed and be polite about it all and called for a theatre immediately
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I turned into a fish wife! Every other word was Fuck!
At one point the midwife told me to let go of through G&A and I told her to go fuck herself!
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Dc3 was a home birth. My contractions were 6 minutes apart and I was worried that I had no biscuits for the midwives. I was Insistent that I was going to the local shop and my friend/doula was taking me. So off we went. She actually took photos of me at the cashline. In got juice and snacks had a contraction hanging over one of the displays paid for my stuff and waddled back to the cat as fast as I could before another one hit.
Got home called midwife out. She turned up and was horrible. Kept moaning about needing to get off somewhere else. She asked what I had to wrap the baby in on delivery. Pointed to a large fluffy towel bought by my mum for that very job.
Midwife: " but it's white!"
Erm yes.
"it'll get dirty, use an old one that's white"
Erm yes, yes it is but I'm using it.
And repeat until I growled that the white one was fine.
My community midwife turned up and suggested getting me out of the pool to examine me... Ooh head is just there you're ready to go. Horrible midwife" REALLY????" ME: 
So back in the pool new midwife arrives and suggest g&a as I'm starting to hold my breath. Use it to make me breather. Exh asks me if I have called my oldest friend. Oh no get my phone. So 9.15am call friend tell her I'm in labour oops hold on... Cue deep breathing and cow like noises from me. Grab my phone back once that contraction has passed and tell friend I will call her when I'm dome. Both midwives and
9:31 so 16 minutes after I'm making phone calls my community midwife lifts ds2 out the water and announces well that was my first water birth and hands him to me.
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