Very much looking forward to birth!

[Snowlet]

Right, let's fill this thread with positivity.

I feel empowered, educated, calm, at peace with what my body was born to do and ready to not feel like a truck anymore! (which is so sad because I'm only 29 weeks)

Whatever we'd like our birth plans/preferences to be, whatever choices we make, I'd love for every woman to feel that they are HERS, that she is powerful and that her wishes are important.

It does matter what you want, you should picture your 'perfect' birth over and over again and you can't receive what you don't ask for.

So then, is anyone else looking forward to labour and birth as the unique, life changing experience it will undoubtedly be?

I am not suggesting that positive thinking will cure cancer. Neither am I suggesting that positive thinking will get you the ideal birth.
I'm realising that's where people are getting annoyed - there is a misunderstanding that people are saying "think positively and you're birth will go well" & therefore if your birth doesn't go well its your fault for not being positive enough.
That is certainly NOT something I would agree with and I don't think that's what the OP is saying. However a positive mindset can't hurt and is surely better than getting anxious about something that may never happen.
Sorry to hear about your friend, I would offer support in th same way as you.

what's the Mc Roberts Manoeuvre?
I spent so long visualising and listening to the hypno CD and doing pregnancy yoga and having an ante natal personal fitness trainer and doing the right thing and focussing on the birth that I clean forgot to do anything relating to having an actual human baby moving into the house with us. So self obsessed it slipped my mind... I was pretty quickly cured of that.

Ok mother, but what if your friend (who I wish a speedy recovery) told you that along with doing x, y and z they were doing potisive visualisations about their recovery and was finding then really helpful? Would you shoot that down or say cool, this is your cancer experience and that's great that you're finding something helpful?

We've recently had a "straightforward" ELCS for maternal reqest go horribly wrong at our hospital. About as wrong as a birth experience can go. I wouldn't go on to a thread asking for positive experiences about ELCS and tell the OP about it, that would make me a twat. Yet it's done all the time on here when trying to talk positively about vaginal births. It's weird.

Rara, I thought so, didn't think there could be two birth plans with contents pages in existence!!

Shame to hear you won't be doing it again... Some of us may have recently formed a new home birth team in the area where you live and would have been v interested in such a birth plan! (Not a stalker, honest!)

If he told me he was (which is really very unlikely) I'd think what I did when my MIL was doing something similar - bonkers, but whatever helps you feel a bit better; the drugs and good luck are what will actually cure you, but I'm not going to pull you down.

Mother - Can I just say thank you for that wonderful idea of the muslin? I'm busy packing my hospital transfer bag for DC3 (planning a second home birth) and that is a really lovely idea given that, if the bag gets used, things will either have gone 'not quite to plan' or 'totally pear shaped'.

But Mother the positive visualisation may bettheir way of coping. They are not necessarily saying that will help cure them. Can you see the difference?

If OP does come back here in three months time and say she had a great birth, I can predict that she will be told she was lucky.

Like the person who came on and said that episiotomies weren't all bad, because she hadn't spelt out in words of one syllable that it was much better for her than she had expected, but she wasn't talking of everyone. She was slagged off to high heaven.

Yes, of course I can see the difference. And it is precisely my point. That lovely thoughts do not solve the actual stuff of the body. Least of all in childbirth. (Possibly with the gut. There is some interesting stuff on the gut. Looking into it at the moment.)

Oh, Penguins, glad it's useful. I think there is some other stuff - did a feature on this ages ago, PM me if you want it!

Grit your teeth and listen to what the person at your feet/fanjo is telling you to do and only listen to that. (To be fair I couldn't hear her for my own shouting but had it relayed like Chinese whispers).

Just done number 3 in 13 minutes. Each time I thought about it as a passage of time. A bit like a massively intensive exercise class-massively massively intensive!

Good luck!

I agree then Mother, there are always variables we cannot directly control - size of baby etc. But we can choose to have a positive view of the situation and what is about to happen.
I am never going to run a marathon in under 2 hours but with some positivity I could complete a marathon, even if it took me 2 days.
Actually that's a really crap example sorry!!

Tbh I think the OP was just saying about having a positive head state, which you do have control over. Going into labour in fear, as I'm sure many MWs will say, makes your body tense up and prolongs labour and birth. Positivity helps.
I say that as my first birth was the most difficult- in hindsight I think because I felt scared and out of control. I was lucky to have four HBs- one of which was literally orgasmic (which floored me actually!) but was always more than open to change my plans on that score
What I can see are lots of women that have had horrendous birth experiences/ traumas and I have no doubt that they were not caused by lack of positivity. Emotions surrounding this are clearly still raw and so it isn't surprising OP had a verbal from them. I think her intentions weren't meant to be patronising..
OP- enjoy your birth

*If someone is diagnosed with a type of cancer that does not have a high level of positive outcomes, do you say to them, "oh dear, don't be naive in thinking you're going to be one of the lucky ones. I know someone who died of cancer and suffered terribly, most likely you will too".

Or do you encourage them to be positive and say, "no reason why you can't get through this".*

That is absolutely the last thing I would say to a person who had been diagnosed with cancer with a poor prognosis. All it does is signal to them that you do not want to help them deal with the reality, and so you add to their burden by making them feel that they have to remain positive for your benefit. Utterly, utterly selfish - and very offensive.

By "no reason you can't get through this" you're right it does sound like you're putting responsibility on them to act a certain way and you're right that would be awful so I have badly worded that sorry, trying to go too quickly.
I think posters following have said better what I was trying to say, which is that staying positive is a good way of coping.

OP, I had a very positive attitude towards giving birth and in the last few weeks of pregnancy I read lots of positive birth stories (I recommend Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth). I re-read them in early labour. I don't care how much of a hippy this makes me, but I felt an overwhelming connection with women across the world experiencing labour along with me and I felt empowered and strengthened by that connection.

I visualized my ideal birth - a calm, peaceful water birth with no need for pain relief. That was exactly what I got,despite baby presenting a bit awkwardly (looking up instead of head tucked in - I had a 2nd degree tear, it was fine and healed easily).

I also educated myself on pain relief, possible interventions and the experience of c-sections so that I was informed if it happened although I was not expecting or assuming that it would.

I assumed I would have a good birth experience. I did. Why would it be any better to anticipate the worst and suffer fear and anxiety throughout the end of your pregnancy? I wish women who have good births weren't made to feel smug, ashamed, naive or patronising. I think a positive thread about birth would be a fantastic, empowering thing. Of course optimism and positivity doesn't guarantee you a great experience but I don't understand why some people think it's better to assume the worst. Be informed, by all means, but approaching birth as something exciting is fine - I did the first time, I am this time as well.

I'm due next month. I am excited, hopeful and enthusiastic about the birth. I'm reading positive birth stories again. I'm remembering how amazing and miraculous I found it last time.

I'm also re-educating myself on all the other possibilities eg being transferred, baby in unfavourable position, interventions being necessary or it simply being more painful this time because it really wasn't last time so I need to think about how I will cope if it's harder this time.

I wish you had got your positive thread, OP, because the birth you are visualising is possible and many women do have this experience. I hope that you do - and if not, then I'm sure you know it would not be your fault and that you will not regret this time of joyful hope and anticipation. Best of luck!

Sorry, just to try and explain again where I was trying to go with the cancer analogy.....

If the person with the diagnosis was saying "I'm going to be positive" you would support them in that, you would not say "don't be naive".

So supporting the OP is the same here I think and its a shame some have chosen to almost laugh at her.

Hope that's clearer.

You know its not simply what people say, but the sensitivity and thought that they say it with...

"I wish women who have good births weren't made to feel smug, ashamed, naive or patronising."

I agree. It's the same with breastfeeding. You daren't be open about being chuffed that you are managing to successfully breastfeed for fear someone feels bad that they didn't/couldn't.

Bam the OP would have received a hell of a lot of support if she had just talked about being positive.

She goes on to say...It does matter what you want, you should picture your 'perfect' birth over and over again. Maybe that is an unfortunate typo, she meant "doesn't matter"??

And yet again- whatever choices we make, I'd love for every woman to feel that they are HERS, that she is powerful and that her wishes are important.

Very nice to hear in theory. In reality, any woman who has given birth, in the UK or anywhere else for that matter, knows labour/childbirth is the complete opposite of this feel-good sentiment. You are mostly powerless, your wishes really don't matter when faced with a medical emergency.

And let's face it, medical complications in childbirth are becoming more and more par for the course.

I really can't wait to give birth again and I'm only 9 weeks pregnant.

I was anxious about my first birth, ds was huge, we had had fertility issues and I had lost all confidence in my body. I felt like my body was so rubbish at getting pregnant and I'd somehow tricked it into pregnancy that there was no way I could give birth.

The birth was the most fantastic experience. It was fun, like a party (thanks mainly to the gas and air, it felt like I was drunk) me and dp went out for dinner in the hospital restaurant, we went back to the hospital room when I was 6ish cms dilated. Had some gas and air, dp was so great, I had a mobile epidural which didn't do much and a drip to increase my contractions, then ds was born and I had my slippery wet newborn to cuddle and take home with me and love for the rest of my life.

I didn't use any hypno birthing type visulisations it was just genuinly really good fun.

Amrapaali I did feel powerful and I did feel that my wishes were important and they were totally respected by the midwife. An emergency is obviously different but emergencies are not the norm, they are not to be expected and fortunately most women won't experience them.

Ikea I won't deny feeling incredibly jealous! Not fair! But glad positive stories exist... Wish we could all be so lucky eh? Like when I watch OBEM and see all these mums in labour texting or making phone calls and saying 'ooo it's really quite painful' hehehe. I think...I'll have what they're having!

It was painful, but the gas and air did a great job taking my mind off things :)

I do get the occasional worry that I'm due a difficult 2nd birth, but I'm trying not to spend time worrying about it as worrying won't change anything!