Very much looking forward to birth!

[Snowlet]

Right, let's fill this thread with positivity.

I feel empowered, educated, calm, at peace with what my body was born to do and ready to not feel like a truck anymore! (which is so sad because I'm only 29 weeks)

Whatever we'd like our birth plans/preferences to be, whatever choices we make, I'd love for every woman to feel that they are HERS, that she is powerful and that her wishes are important.

It does matter what you want, you should picture your 'perfect' birth over and over again and you can't receive what you don't ask for.

So then, is anyone else looking forward to labour and birth as the unique, life changing experience it will undoubtedly be?

Sorry phone playing up.
Also want to say it's not agonising pain for everyone. As a midwife I saw people who really did suffer. I did not. I have no idea why, maybe the position of the baby, who knows. I don't believe everyone feels pain the same. I also don't have painful periods, I think I'm lucky. Don't get me wrong there was pain but it really wasn't that bad.

As a health journalist, I'd tell someone who wanted to lose 3 stone in a month that they were bonkers.

And if my daughter wants to be an actor, I'll be telling her to get some damn useful skills under her belt as, yes, statistically she doesn't have a huge chance of making it professionally. Conversely, if she wants to be a lawyer or a doctor I'll support her in making some choices over which she does have control.

You know what, some people do have good birth experiences- whether water birth or c - section. Why shouldn't the OP be one of those people? Thats the way I approached both of mine and was not disappointed either time even though first time did not go to plan and was not what you'd call your ideal birth.

I agree with Bambamb. Approaching birth positively (excited?) must be much better than approaching it with a doom and gloom attitude.

I don't think there's anything wrong in trying to have a positive attitude towards labour, but you do need to be realistic too and realise that it might not turn out they way you'd hoped and things can go wrong.

I think also as you've found out Snow that giving birth is different for each woman with each child and it can come across as insensitive. Also if you do have a wonderful birth (which I hope you do), you should again be aware that someone you're telling all about it may have had the complete opposite experience and it may be painful for them to hear about your experiences.

I think what I'm trying to say is that we all need to be kind to one another.

For what it's worth I refused to think about labour beforehand and completely shut it out of my mind and refused to discuss it with colleagues at work etc and actively avoided other pregnant ladies!

In the event I had a great labour which started naturally and DS was born in approx 5.5 hours in a birthing pool and I had gas and air. So yes, labour can be straightforward and go the way you hoped, but it is definitely painful, although for me it felt like a positive pain as I concentrated on getting through one contraction at a time and didn't look backwards or forwards.

Bloody doom and gloom merchants out again. They appear on every thread that is vaguely positive about labour. OP didn't even say what sort of birth she was visualising, she may be hoping for a CS under GA.

FWIW, I had a pretty much painless first labour, 6 hours long, at home and it was perfect. I enjoyed every moment of it.

If you're keen to avoid intervention, Snowlet, have you thought about booking a home birth? It reduces your risk of CS or instrumental by half when compared to similar women.

But does so because you can't have a CS or indeed an epidural at home. So difficult labours transfer to hospital. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with as much pain relief as you can cram in.

Everything wrong with making loud pronouncements about 'staying positive' when you're not even 30 weeks pregnant yet.

OP, there is a difference between feeling empowered by what you are about to do, and feeling empowered to control a whole bunch of people with agendas who don't necessarily match yours.

One of the biggest anxieties we face as labouring women is how much we can truly and reliably trust our caregivers and sadly (often through no fault of those specific caregivers on the day) we often face staff shortages, hospital policies, manhandling, dismissal etc.

No, that's not correct. Of course you transfer in if you need intervention, but you would expect the rates of intervention to be roughly similar from women who start their labour at home and those who start their labour in hospital. They aren't though. Women who start labour at home are much more likely not to need intervention with no corresponding rise in poor outcomes. This is in matched pair studies.

brilliant.

"Everythingwrong with making loud pronouncements about 'staying positive' when you're not even 30 weeks pregnant yet".

Why??? I cannot for the life of me see anything wrong with trying to be positive.

How should the OP be feeling then in your opinion? Is it better to be anxious and worrying? How is this going to help?

purplebaubles

I did a birth plan. If I hadn't how would the midwives know that I do not consent to vaginal examinations, or the McRoberts Manoeuvre, or any touching at all ever?

How would they know that I planned on receiving the baby into the world myself, that the cord would not be cut until I had delivered the placenta in the pool?

How would they know that I was going to birth the head on all fours, but sit back for the body and that they'd have to skirt round the pool quick smart if they wanted a view?

My birthplan had a contents page.

The OP can feel any way she damn well likes - though it might be a bit better to get a realistic fix on the fact that, as I pointed out upthread, childbirth is widely acknowledged by women to be not very nice.

My point is in the loud pronouncements. It's like any rookie sounding off to the long-termers about how to do the grim bits. Wait till you've gone through it, then sound off to us if you really must.

I had a similar mindset to you OP, and I had a fantastic birth experience. I wanted a water birth, ended up with ELCS due to a low placenta. The whole thing took 30 mins, I had no pain and lots of lovely drugs and DS latched on to the boob about an hour later.
So I think the best thing about your mindset is that it should give you the chance to be positive about whatever happens. As long as you & the baby are ok, it really doesn't matter how he/she comes out. the really difficult bit comes later
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

You increase your chances (rather than guarantee them) of a good experience with a positive outlook and careful planning.

Rara, have you recently name changed?

If someone is diagnosed with a type of cancer that does not have a high level of positive outcomes, do you say to them, "oh dear, don't be naive in thinking you're going to be one of the lucky ones. I know someone who died of cancer and suffered terribly, most likely you will too".

Or do you encourage them to be positive and say, "no reason why you can't get through this".

Harder Yep!

"childbirth is widely acknowledged by women to be not very nice."

Not all women. I suppose it depends what you mean by nice. Maybe not the adjective I have chosen but I found it amazing. Didn't always go the way I would have wanted but nevertheless an amazing experience.

My friend has, in fact, just been diagnosed with a brain tumour. My response has been 'look, what can I help you find out about this - I work a fair amount on brain cancer and I have some decent contacts: I am your friend, I'm here to help you in any way I can'. I have not patronised him by telling him if he thinks fluffy thoughts that will make a difference because there is no evidence that this will do so and I would feel it was profoundly insulting to the thousands of people whose positive thinking proves no use at all against the cancer that kills them.

I loved giving birth to my last two. I'm sad I won't be doing it again. They were both the best experiences of my life.

My first could have been like my second two. It wasn't, but that wasn't because it was my first. It was because I was scared, believed the promises and reassurances given throughout my antenatal care and was then very badly let down by my caregivers.

Me too Juule. I found my births very positive. It's a shame more don't, maybe if thinking like the Op was more supported and encouraged more would.

Feel sad that so many nasty, negative posts are on here just because op wants to be upbeat about birth... I'm 38 weeks with dc 3 and no it's not easy, but I do not share nor do not wish to hear peoples negative birth stories on a post that was clearly meant to be positive .. Birth will be what it will be, but a positive, calm attitude can only be a good thing .. No wonder mumsnet gets slated for being a bunch of bitchy women ..