Very much looking forward to birth!

[Snowlet]

Right, let's fill this thread with positivity.

I feel empowered, educated, calm, at peace with what my body was born to do and ready to not feel like a truck anymore! (which is so sad because I'm only 29 weeks)

Whatever we'd like our birth plans/preferences to be, whatever choices we make, I'd love for every woman to feel that they are HERS, that she is powerful and that her wishes are important.

It does matter what you want, you should picture your 'perfect' birth over and over again and you can't receive what you don't ask for.

So then, is anyone else looking forward to labour and birth as the unique, life changing experience it will undoubtedly be?

"Good luck, ladies. Keep moving, stay off that bed!"

For so so many reasons that isn't always possible - hence the need to be open minded and not envisaging the 'perfect birth'. That 'perfect birth' could go out the window pretty damn quick, no matter what's in your birth plan.

And "don't lie on the bed" isn't always something we have control over, I walked in wanting a tranquil waterbirth, what really happened was dilating to 10cm in constant back to back contraction over 2 hours or so, being so out of it in pain with zero pain relief I couldn't stand nor sit, a baby that didn't want to descend after 3 hours pushing, a catheter in as my bladder was obstructing things, a drop in for antibiotics, monitoring straps on, and another drip for synto after reaching 10cm contraction disappeared - so to be frank if I wasn't lying down I'm not sure where I was meant to be... You get the birth you get, and you have very limited control over most things, dignity and expectations - leave these at the door

Nobody had to teach my body to MAKE this baby, so presumably it also knows how to get it out!!

I think this is why I've lower expectations... my body can't even get my blood thickness right let alone make a baby without daily clexane injections! Weirdly I get pregnant just fine - the rest of it I rely on modern science for a little helping hand.

Snowlet, I hope you have the birth you desire but your post is extremely condescending to those who have had traumatic births.

squizita your attitude/expectations are perfect. Good luck for the birth, but more importantly for your new life with your baby.

OP it is rather black and white to say that the only alternative to manic positivity is dread and fear.

I enjoyed my first pregnancy, despite being ill with HG until 20 weeks, and then unable to walk more than 100 metres due to SPD after 30 weeks.

I read up about birth, but I was pragmatic about whatever would come.

I have seen too many posts by women heartbroken, traumatised, full of self-loathing, and full of hate for a medical team who they perceive as having 'stolen their perfect birth', to think that unadulterated positive thinking is a good thing.

My advice is to focus on the caring for a newborn part - that you have all the control over and is massively under-covered in ante-natal classes IMO.

Well, labour and birth have been life changing experiences for me. I do look forward to labour and birth and not just the baby I will hopefully have.

I felt like that with all four pregnancies even though I had very different outcomes each time. So no one can throw the oh dear god is it your first line at me. Would you prefer op to cover in the corner for the next 11 weeks?

It's you lot that hang out in the corner at playgroup telling birth horror stories to the heavily pregnant women.

Don't misunderstand me, lots of the process is out of your control but you can put a positive spin on anything which will affect how you come out of it feeling. And there is far more in your power than the vast majority would have you believe. You can influence many things, yes even the baby's position etc, in many cases (a bit of third trimester optimal foetal positioning knowledge can be beneficial, certainly it can't hurt)

Be happy other people are happy. Birth changed me in all kinds of good always that had bugger all to do with the child produced.

Tropical that is ridiculous naivety. I'm pleased that your body did as it was supposed to, but 1000s of women and babies used to die in childbirth because not everyone's body does know what to do to get a baby out.

Mine was one of them. DS1 was back to back and a forehead presentation, but slightly twisted to the side. He wasn't putting the right kind of pressure on my cervix, so labour had to be induced eventually. Labour didn't progress, he became distressed and I had an EMCS. If I had just left my body to it, he would have died in utero due to placental failure without labour ever having started.

With DS2 I had an elective-section, preferring to trust my surgeon rather than my body

People are being so mean to you op! I prepared for my birth like you with visualisation and positive thinking, it was amazing and life changing. Painful obviously but it was like a baptism of fire I had a wonderful water birth using just gas and air. I hope you have the birth you want and have somebody close to you to coach you through, I recommend the Bradley method.

I've never told a birth horror story to a heavily pregnant woman in my life. But if she implied that my first traumatic labour happened because i hadnt sufficiently visualised perfection or moved around the room enough, I admit I'd be sorely tempted.

Honestly I think it's very sensible to be positive and not frightened going into birth. It's fine to visualise your ideal.

Just be flexible though. Don't go into it thinking "I will do x, I won't do y". You might really want an epidural or hate the birth pool or want/need to get on the bed. And at the end of the day it doesn't matter - just don't have such high expectations of yourself that you feel bad afterwards for not getting the perfect birth.

There is actually a reason why every single literary and oral culture tends to feel childbirth is not exactly a barefoot stroll through a fragrant meadow.

And anyone who thinks women's bodies are 'made for' parturition could profitably look at a few natal/maternal mortality statistics for countries where serious high-level intervention isn't available.

I had a dreadful birth, "life changing" but not in a good way. It really wouldn't have been helpful to have kept picturing my perfect birth as what I ended up with was so far away from any plan I had. But you deal with what you get given, I think its best to keep an open mind and just focus on getting the baby out healthy. That's what's kept me going through recovery, that everything that happened was to get the baby out and keep him healthy.

Posts like this make me a bit sad

I think op it is you being patronising, because you are advising with no prior experience. 'Stay off the bed, ladies'?! Positive visualisation has no downsides, nobody would argue with you there. But going off to cloud cuckoo land is a different matter.

It's great that you're positive and of course there's nothing wrong with visualizing. People are just trying to say that many, many of us have felt like we failed, because things did not turn out exactly as we imagined. And we felt it was somehow our fault if we didn't get this perfect calm/ empowering/whalesong/whatever birth we were told that we should be having.

So for my next one, I won't be imagining the perfect birth, but that I will get the birth I will get and that is fine too.

pinkbell as time goes on you will feel less sad when you see posts like this. How old is your little one?

I cannot see any downside to positive visualisation, education and empowerment

Yes, there is a downside. The downside is you may end up more distressed if things don't go perfectly, than you would if you'd had lower expectations. Many women say that they would have found it less distressing/shocking to have birth interventions (c section etc) if they hadn't been led to expect a natural birth

Another downside - you may find yourself having to make decisions about various sorts of interventions when you haven't read anything about those things because you were only visualising the perfect natural birth.

I would say "hope for the best, plan for the worst". Statistically most women have some sort of intervention so have a back up plan and knowledge about the options if you need them.

Be afraid be very afraid.
Just kidding. You are right, a positive outlook is important. So is an open mind.
I'm due my second in 9 weeks and I must say...ignorance is bliss!!!! It's what helped me through last time, this time I know what's coming! Well, not necessarily exactly what's coming but...eeep! It's not to late to change my mind is it? Lol
Anyway... Happy thoughts and all that. All the best OP! Excited for you to meet your pfb, which is truly life changing.

Everyone has an opinion, I'm not even remotely upset, but feel I should clarify, I'm not saying that if you'd only done 'x' you'd have had 'y' birth. No guilt!! That's the opposite of empowerment. I'm only saying that, in my one, tiny opinion, positivity has been great for making me feel good now and will, I believe, continue to do so until the day.

And when I say ask for what you want, how on earth is that bad? Of course they can say no and explain why but this is (for me anyway) about feeling part of the entire process of conception, pregnancy, birth and motherhood. Maybe I am naive but we take active roles in a large part of those other three parts without question, but often not birth. It's just something I think about.... and of course you're all free to tell me I'm wrong/naive/an idiot for believing I can have any control over my birth at all, more power to you. But I see no downside to my mindset.

Again, good luck to everyone! :)

Hilarious!

Good luck op and may your positivity be helpful on the day(s) of labour andbeyond.

Oh and I didn't say "stay off the bed ladies" - I think that was someone who had already had a baby??

Of course they can say no which 'they' are we talking about here? The birth fairies?

OP you would have got a much better response here if you weren't quite so woo about it all.

Good luck with your birth and your baby. :)

If you really want to empower yourself, start thinking about how you will handle a C-section if you turn out to need one. Sleep with a muslin for a bit, so it smells of you and the baby can be wrapped in it. Look into other forms of intervention.

And I am sure there are plenty of us who either conceived without planning, or tried to conceive for years unsuccessfully, who are also sniggering at your declaration that conception is something over which we have 'control'.

Mother as a recurrent miscarrier, the idea that most people assume we all have control over just getting and staying pregnant makes me sad. :(

It really isn't that simple for everyone.

Snowlet it's good that you are feeling empowered. You will need that. Educating yourself in every way is really positive. I think the scary thing can be sometimes feeling like you have no voice in the process so if you are informed and have a strong idea about what you want- for example if the MW offers you syntocynon for the management for 3rd stage but you have researched the options and would prefer a physiological 3rd stage- providing you are not haemorrhaging or have a retained placenta or the chord snapped etc, then you will be able to speak up. I think the reality is, a lot of women do feel helpless in labour as it's not something within our control all of the time. Im glad you're feeling positive! And I really hope this positivity gives you the strength you need when the time comes.