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Childbirth

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Original poster

Man sleeping on ward

674 replies

heylottie · 05/03/2014 07:53

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great

But

Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

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differentnameforthis · 08/03/2014 14:39

Inappropriate for a man to be there to support his wife? really?

Yet the general consensus here is that if she refuses to be at the birth he is a cocklodger/waster etc.

Unbelievable.

I would have loved dh by my side after the trauma of having dd1 via crash section under GA.

differentnameforthis · 08/03/2014 14:41

most women don't feel safe around strange men,

I think it is pretty sad that as a society, we see all men as a potential threat.

What would happen if you were with your child a on a children's ward & another child had her father there? Would you all feel unsafe then too?

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 08/03/2014 14:53

I think it is pretty sad that as a society, we see all men as a potential threat.

I think it's sad too - but as said upthread 44% of UK women have been subject to male violence. So it's not a baseless fear.

Furthermore, it is ingrained in girls from a very young age that we need to take steps to protect ourselves from men. Don't go out alone at night, always let someone know where you are, take taxis etc etc.

RhondaJean · 08/03/2014 14:55

No morguase, your rights do not trumps anyone else's rights Hmm

Daykin · 08/03/2014 14:55

Having to sleep next to a strange man when you have just had a baby is different from having to do it on a children's ward or on an aeroplane. I can't believe anyone can be so obtuse as to not see that.

It might be 'sad' that so many women see men as a potential threat but this is more to do with the men who are responsible for the 85000 rapes that take place every year in England and Wales, and the 400000 sexual assaults than anything woman have done. Asking women to just put up with it because it's sad isn't a solution.

fwiw I didn't feel sexually threatened by the man who repeatedly told me to fuck off and shut the fuck up during my labour but the idea that his right to be there as a visitor trumped my rights as a patient is 'sad'.

PatrickStarisabadbellend · 08/03/2014 14:57

I had to stay on the ward for 10 days after having all 3 of my babies. I wouldn't want people hanging around all the time.

The visiting hours were all day for partners, isn't that enough?

Daykin · 08/03/2014 14:58

Even animals are allowed to labour and care for their newborns in peace.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2014 14:59

Again, in a children's ward she is not a patient, bleeding, leaking milk, perhaps weak and even immobile from birth trauma, in charge of a newborn baby. That is the HUGE difference.

ikeaismylocal · 08/03/2014 15:00

I don't think it is just about the rights of the man I also think the baby has a right to have both parents there and the mother has the right to practical help from a partner or friend.

What is this sleep people are talking about?! I didn't go onto a ward, we had a private familiy room but there were communal areas and many parents were pacing the hallways with fractious newborns. I don't believe that it is likely for a room with 5/6 newborn babies in it to be a particularly peaceful place regardless of the adults present. If anything I would imagine the mothers would get more rest if there was a helper to sooth the baby.

I am sure some men would be anoying but from hearing stories my friends have told me some of the other mums are extremely anoying but that is the issue with sharing space with the general public.

I find it so sad that men are so often seen as a threat, these are new involved fathers not random guys they get to come to the maternity ward after the pubs shut.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2014 15:01

And some of them do not see them as a threat but a nuisance as MANY 'partners' (and some are not the other parent of the mother's child) behave disrespectfully. AND the ward is not build to hold double the amount of adults the room was designed for.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2014 15:04

Some are not the fathers.

Ad my baby has a right not to share space crowded with double occupancy/double the infection risk.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 08/03/2014 15:05

Actually, rhonda - morguase's right's as a patient trump those of a non-patient in a hospital.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2014 15:06

You weren't in a ward . . .says it all, really.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 08/03/2014 15:06

stray apostrophe Blush

Morgause · 08/03/2014 15:10

On a maternity ward my rights trump any man's present, RhondaJane.

ikeaismylocal · 08/03/2014 15:13

Even if the partners are not tge biological fathers they just be pretty dedicated to be spending the night in a cramped chair looking after a newborn and the newborn's mother. I very much doubt men go into that situation just to get a glance of boob or to see a new mum in her pyjamas. As I said before that is just as likely to happen in the day time.

The infection risk is a good point, but if the partners are there all day it is likely they will have infected the other people in that time anyway.

I think that all other visitors should be banned as there is no reason for half the family and bunches of friends to be visiting and bringing in germs.

Martorana · 08/03/2014 15:17

"I find it so sad that men are so often seen as a threat, these are new involved fathers not random guys they get to come to the maternity ward after the pubs shut."

Has anyone said anything about men being a threat? Really? Or did you just make that bit up?

Yonineedaminute · 08/03/2014 15:20

Yes but if many men behave disrespectfully in antenatal wards (and this was the exact opposite on my experience but I accept mine is only anecdotal so anyway), then surely you don't want them there at any time at all. Why is it ok during the but not at night?

One of the reasons apparently that the hospital near me is trialling partners overnight is because it is in an area where a high number of people speak English as an additional language and apparently often the men have better English than the women so it is useful to have them there as obviously a lot of what is being said is very important?

Yonineedaminute · 08/03/2014 15:21

Sorry postnatal wards not antenatal.

differentnameforthis · 08/03/2014 15:21

Has anyone said anything about men being a threat? Really? Or did you just make that bit up?

Have you not seen the comment where woman have said they don't feel safe around strange me?

GarthsUncle · 08/03/2014 15:22

Yoni, no visitors at night is the same as having restricted visiting hours for non-birth partners - it means there are times when the wards will be more peaceful.

IKEA, do you think all wards should allow partners of patients to stay and help?

TheWanderingUterus · 08/03/2014 15:24

Not all men are seen as a threat, just some men.

Not all new involved fathers are lovely people. Some are violent, some are lecherous, some are angry, some turn up drunk, some are abusive, some are thieves, some don't adhere to certain social conventions for whatever reason. They don't change just because their partner has had a baby.

It's pretty hard for hospital staff to work out which ones are the unpleasant ones and which ones aren't. In the three days I was in hospital after having DD two fathers were asked to leave (one was verbally abusive to another patient, another was pulling back all the curtains around beds repeatedly as he 'couldn't remember which one his wife was in' - several times during visiting hours).

During the day is bad enough, but at night when there are fewer staff and visitors, less security etc some women who would be on their own as their partners couldn't stay would be put in quite a vulnerable position.

ikeaismylocal · 08/03/2014 15:24

Has anyone said anything about men being a threat? Really? Or did you just make that bit up?

If no one feels threatened by men on wards then great, lets have men on wards then. I don't think annoyance isa good enough reason to deny women help and support and deny babies and fathers the chance to spend tge first few nights together.

ikeaismylocal · 08/03/2014 15:27

IKEA, do you think all wards should allow partners of patients to stay and help?

No, but if I was ill enough to be in hospital I am sure I would not be expected to look after a newborn baby for the first time in my life

Daykin · 08/03/2014 15:30

Yoni - you put up with it during the day the way you put up with your neighbours DIY noise or annoying music. You would rather it didn't happen but it's not leaving you sleep deprived so you live and let live.