Man sleeping on ward

[heylottie]

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great

But

Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

Single sex wards are a legal requirement?

Is that just in England? I'm in Northern Ireland and I thought single sex wards were from 'olden days'. I haven't seen a single sex ward since I was a child, all my hospital stays (sadly there have been quite a few) have been on mixed sex wards, the most recent was less than a year ago.

Ledkr you have just brought back memories from my various CSections

• EMCS 1 - the hospital were experimenting with a new 'serve yourself' pain relief system. I was solemnly handed a tupperware box with paracetamol in it and told to help myself according to the schedule. I had to fill out a form if I took some. That was all the pain relief I was offered.

• ELCS 2 - this was like a throw back to the 20s. Every drug round was like cocktail hour. Diamorphine in any form you liked.

• ELCS 3 - flu epidemic, if you could drag yourself to the drugs trolley then could you also serve the other patients in your ward please (I exaggerate but not by much!)

I also brought my own pain relief when I had DS.

I also got paracetamol for my post c section pain relief. Both times. I think it's barbaric, and I'd go so far as to say that I don't think a man would ever be asked to endure major surgery and then make do with a couple of paracetamol as pain relief. I think the patient's rights to at least attempt to alleviate pain goes out the window when it's 'women's pain'.

which reminds me of something else. In my local hospital, when a&e overflows (so that's about once a week) maternity are the first ward to have to hand over beds, on the grounds that their patients aren't actually ill. Which is true of course. But the beds are merrily wheeled off elsewhere, the women who have delivered are stuck in delivery suite, and the women who come in in labour have nowhere to go, and no access to pain relief, since that's only available in delivery suite. But hey, they're only women having babies, who cares really?

It wouldn't have bothered me. More dads should stage a post-natal ward sit in. Seeing as (IME) there was piss poor post EMCS 'care' then I'd have appreciated some help. Those 3 days I spent on an open plan post-natal ward were the worst 3 of my life, period.

I don't think the current UK set up is compatible with partners staying. It's already near impossible to catch a few minutes sleep if your baby is sleeping on a main ward with other babies crying, mums up and down to the loo, nursery back and forth etc. Double the amount of adults and the noise and cramped conditions will get worse.

I would agree with prioritising side rooms for couples with ill babies or mothers where possible. Or redesigning the whole thing from scratch so each family unit, whatever they may be, gets their privacy.

I was told to shut the fuck up and called a fucking bitch when I was in labour by the teenage boyfriend of a woman/girl in my bay. It was well after midnight but there were no staff to throw him out so he didn't go.
It's completely inappropriate for men to be on maternity wards overnight. Apart from anything else there isn't enough room.

I've had 4dc in hospita, 1 cs and one baby in scbu.

I actually think it's bad enough that you can't sleep during the day due to the insane visiting hours that the rest of the hospital isn't subjected to but to double the number of people in the room at night would be torture.

Daykin that is shocking. I am so angry on your behalf.

the more I think about this the more I think this needs to be a patients-only zone overnight.

Horrid daykin and highlights absolutely perfectly how utterly wrong it would be to inflict vile men like this on vulnerable women. You must have been very frightened.

I do hope these hospitals allowing men like this to sleep all night next to other women have security guards and staff immediately near. Failing that, I hope the police would be very quickly alerted.

Offering a paracetamol is almost rude

Love it Quangle!

I was on a mixed ward some time ago with a suspected clot on the lung.You're not allowed to walk about,not even to go to the loo for a no.2 in peace.When this situation came about they wheeled in a commode for me. I was surrounded by men, and outright refused to go.The nurse then helpfully told me I'd end up with another (health) problem if I didn't. I stuck to my guns and was allowed to be taken to the loos by wheelchair -feeling a total waste of the nurses time.

I also had the consultant ask if the medical students could come in on his rounds.I ended up naked to the waist in front of a group of about 8 who were mainly young males.
I had agreed to it -but since, I have realised just how I had felt completely uncomfortable in the situation, and had I not been in that environment I would never had agreed.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I feel kind of institutionalised at times in hospital, and become a lot less assertive.
I think in a situation which could cause anxiety, distress or discomfort to others patients, it is not enough to encourage those patients to voice their concerns, in case they cannot find their voice.

I think if any males are on maternity wards overnight, it should be strictly only because no other solution can be found ( for example private room or additional nursing support) and because the woman that the man is supporting has real medical need for his presence.

It is interesting, a lot of the support from posters for men on the ward seems to be about needing more and better support than the hospital would or could provide. And after what treaclesoda said, I think maybe the issue is that we are sort of accepting sub-standard care and arguing about being able to alleviate the effects of that by having partners with us, when really we need to attack the fact that there is substandard care.

If we felt better cared for, with enough trained and experienced staff, appropriate pain relief and better facilities, wouldn't most of us be able to do without partners staying with us overnight?

Probably Angela but it is a tall order...

...reminds me of when my Grandfather was in hospital and was found wandering with soiled clothing and bed linen, good job family did step in. That and with making sure he ate and drank anything...

Yes, kindness means a lot.

YY to kindness - not being treated like we're going through some sort of baby-birthing conveyor belt....

I guess it all comes down to money again, if there are enough midwives/ nurses then they will have more time allowing them to be more patient and hopefuly kind. Training obviously is an issue too, one or two midwives on the postnatal ward I was on after my first baby didn't seem to have an ounce of empathy going towards neglect/negligence - there were degrees of this though and some midwives went above and beyond.

Yes, but also policy too. My position is, don't let this happen by stealth or by default, it is very difficult for many women, often undesirable and leaves women vulnerable. Save for truly exceptional cases, kick overnights for partners into the long grass until there is money for the facilities it requires. What money there is available now should be spent on better maternity care first.

When I was pacing with a sleepless ds2 at about 2am, having given birth about 4 hours previously, a midwife on duty offered to make me a cup of tea. I nearly burst into tears with gratitude.

Did someone call for a feminist?

I'm not sure whether this is a feminist perspective or not- but I do think that there should be women only spaces- and it seems to me that a maternity ward is the perfect example of somewhere that should be a woman only space. Obviously with plenty of visiting time. And in an ideal world, plenty of separate rooms for cases where the mother or baby needs more support, and where fathers or friends can stay with the woman and the baby.

I think it's horrible that the dads are sent home, hence my home births

It does seem that our opinions are divided. There are people who are demanding that their partners are there and stuff everyone else. They will always claim that the care isnt good enough for them not to be.

However many posters are saying that the men are snoring, wandering around the ward and otherwise getting in the way. There is no space for vistors overnight. Until there is we need to accept that they cannot stay regardless of personal prefences.

If you really really cannot live without your partner being then for goodness sake shell out for a private room but these partners (men or owmen) are not allowed to wander around the ward at night (why on earth would they want to).

Home births are lovely, but not really the solution for this discussion as the mums who need most support are likely to be first time mums or mums who have had complicated labours in the past and are anxious about subsequent delivery (in which case a home birth would not necc be agreed to if a complicated labour is possible again). A substantial percentage of first time mums who request a homebirth will end up transfering to hospital here it is given as 40%, but I have a suspicion I have seen 60% quoted elsewhere?

It's so difficult as every woman has different needs.

More staff are definitely needed.

I gave birth to DS4 last June at 35 weeks by c-section. He was in NICU and I was on the postnatal ward. There was nobody to take me down to visit DS4 so I had to walk down endless corridors several times a day from 21 hours post-op. DH could only come and visit for a few minutes per day as he was looking after the other 3 DC. I was on the postnatal ward for 4 days and didn't have any other visitors apart from mil and fil dropping off the dc's just after my C-section. It was hideous and I ended up with PTSD. The other women's visitors were making me feel even more lonely by their mere presence and their happiness. It felt like the other women were at a party that I had to watch but not allowed to join in. I would have quite happily banned all visitors.

This year I'll be giving birth to DS5 (contraceptive failure before anyone judges). I'll be in the same situation but this time I'll have DS4's needs to consider. He has special needs and needs a lot of care. I'm dreading it to be honest but I can't see any way of making it easier.

I think a lot of women are in a situation where they have needs that cannot be met without upsetting other patients.