Man sleeping on ward

[heylottie]

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great

But

Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

I really dont think that having partners there will resolve everyone's issues. Some people on this thread seem to think that a partner will rush to their rescue and save them from the big bad NHS who are not capable of looking after their needs and wants

handcream it's more that the NHS weren't looking after us and partners have stepped in....

Capable? Possibly, but just didn't.

Handcream what an odd post.

Yes, my DH looked after me. Because no, the NHS didn't. I suspect they were probably capable, but not with two midwives between about 40 patients. Though, you know, I was really demanding - way above what was reasonable - I wanted to pick up my baby so she could feed, get to the loo, and get basic pain relief. Can you believe the cheek I have?

Why can't MN have a like button like FB that would be awesome as sometimes I can't be bothered to comment but then I could go down the list and 'like' the posts I agree with. Zoemaguire I completely agree and my situation was very similar to yours and I desperately needed DH there just to help with basics as the NHS failed to meet them. It's a man on the Ward not crime watchers most wanted! What a man might see on a night he's more than likely going to see through the day so there's no difference as somebody else said mums are admitted all different times and in different stages and states!

Handcream there's a huge difference between needs and wants and yes my DH would step in & rescue me, wouldn't yours?

I think men should be allowed to be with their new baby and partner in the days following birth.

As a mother would you want to leave your baby if there was no medical reason to do so? I wouldn't, why should dads have to miss out on some of those precious first hours/days?

I think that for the sake of bonding it is really important that the entire family is accommodated post birth. You only have to read some of the threads on mumsnet or read the news to see that many men in the UK are very uncommitted to their children, if the message they weregiven from day 1 was your not needed is it a surprise that they so often walk away or don't support their children in the event of a relationship breakdown?

But economically, how is it feasible within the current broad hospital set up, ikea?

I thought post natal wards are primarily for the care of the mothers? Is his not the case?

If it is then I don't understand all the arguments about men needing to spend time with their babies. The babies are there because their mothers are there, so they are they secondarily.

So therefore doesn't the mothers' needs trump the babies'?

Regardless of whether men should be present or not, the fact remains that the vast majority of post natal wards cannot accomodate overnight visitors for every patient as it leaves issues with privacy, safety and logistics.

We all recognise the solution is to have private rooms ideally but unless that happens we can't expect women to simply suck it up and be forced to accept unknown men or other visitors overnight.

I'm not sure how far this can ever go as an argument. On the one hand, some women undoubtedly need their partners with them after birth, many more would like their partners with them after birth, but there are rarely sufficient private rooms for all needs to be accommodated. Even if you think it's ridiculous for women to care about this, many clearly do.

And there are more than enough creepy, inappropriate or just insensitive men around to justify that concern (when my dp was on a small gynae bay there was a young Eastern European girl there who, at every visiting time, was flanked to two burly men in leather jackets who kind of stood over her, watching the rest of us. At the end of every visiting time they had to be chucked out. Another woman on the bay, who spoke her language, was very distressed and insistent that this young girl had been trafficked. The hospital seemed unable or unwilling to do anything about this, but everyone was very relieved whenever they left.)

I don't really see any alternative to the current situation where midwives have to muddle through working it out on a case by case basis. It's not an option to rebuild maternity units so they can accommodate families. Another thing to consider is that some hospitals serve communities that have a strong cultural tradition of mass visiting. In one hospital I worked in, this was a major problem: you'd get literally dozens of people pitching up to visit one woman, and getting very angry when they were refused entry.

I don't understand why post natal wards should be/are any different to general wards. Don't people get admitted to general wards at any time if the day or night?

It would be rediculous for general ward patients to allow partners to stay over night.

I would suck it up if I had the choice between dp being allowed to stay and other men being allowed to stay.

When you go on a flight you often sleep inches away from a stranger, not ideal but not the world's most awful situation.

I think that bonding between both parents and the baby is more important than some womens desire for privacy.

Exactly sharaluck

ikea being on a flight isn't quite the same thing as being a hospital patient

If women want their partners there they should book a private room and not inflict them on other vulnerable women. Or sit with them in a public area. I have never felt more vulnerable in my life as when I was in labour and just after I gave birth, I imagine most women feel the same.

I would have loved to have my DH with me, but not if it meant other strange men having free range of the ward.

What about a woman who doesn't have a partner, ikea? What's she getting out if the deal of having strange men around while she learns to breast feed, deals with lochia and stitches, tries to settle her baby?

On a plane you aren't usually learning to latch for the first time etc etc..

A woman who doesn't have a partner has nothing to loose, people who do have partners have lots to loose by their partners being sent home.

I don't remember bleeding heavier or breastfeeding more often or my stitches being more painful in the night time supposed to the day time and I assume the partners ( and half the family) are there in the day?

We were advised to have nearly constant skin to skin with our newborn, you just couldn't do this if you didn't have the support of your partner, I don't imagine co-sleeping is encouraged.

I would suggest that each woman was allowed 1 helper be that a partner or sister or friend and no other visitors were allowed onto the ward but tge helper was allowed in 24 hours a day.

I think that it is barbaric that women are left to care for a newborn whilst recovering from birth or even major surgery. I also think it is very unfair for the father and baby to be seperated.

You said yourself you'd accept strange men there if that was the price for your partner being there, implying you saw a trade off,

I think that bonding between both parents and the baby is more important than some womens desire for privacy.

I totally disagree with that - these "some women" wanting privacy are the patients - their needs should come first.

You have little enough privacy in hospital as it is, due to other patients, visitors etc - without having non-patients staying overnight too.

Have people noticed that this thread is teetering on the brink of giving the wants of men higher priority than the needs of women?

When has that ever happened before??

Happy International Woman's Day everyone!

I've not read all your feel but I think that under some circumstances husbands/partners should be allowed additional time with there OH.

Just to through this in to the mix, what if it had been the women's female partner, would this change things?

I think female partners aren't as bad (for want of a better word) than male partners but there would still be double the number of adults in the room than it is designed to hold. Female partners still need to use the toilet and wash and move about and generally make the sort of low level noise that you tolerate in your own partner but is disturbing in someone else's x5.

I think it's insulting to suggest that people have to be there 24/7 to bond. Parents of babies in scbu are perfectly capable of bonding with their children. Personally I think it would be harder to bond when surrounded by people 24 hours a day and what about the mothers, trying to bond by practicing skin to skin and breastfeeding while surrounded by men night and day. We are talking about night time, when the DP's would be asleep anyway. Maternity visiting hours are already very long and partners do see their babies when they are born, they aren't tossed out of the building as soon as the cord is cut.

The chances of all 5 DP's of the women you share with all being lovely, softly spoken, considerate adults who don't speak or have their iPod on all night or tell you to fuck off or demand cups of tea from the midwives or use the patients bathroom or fuck about with the curtains to co-opt some of your space are very slim. The chances of non of the women you are inflicting your own DP on being a victim of sexual assault are also slim.

Ikea, at night the lights are off and most women are trying to sleep. If they don't feel safe they won't sleep well and most women don't feel safe around strange men, especailly when they are at their most vulnerable.

So partners should not be allowed and won't ever be as a general rule because women will not put up with it. I certainly wouldn't have put up with a man in the next cubicle when I'd just given birth and would have complained loud and long until he was removed.

My rights as a female patient trump your wishes to have a man there. If you can't bear to be parted from him pay for a private room or sit in a public area with him.

I'm worried that an increase in visiting hours for partners would mean staffing levels would be cut because the relatives can do the caring. The women with no visitors would lose out.

Last year DS4 was in hospital aged 6 months. Apart from the few hours in HDU and obviously the time he was in theatre I only left him for hurried trips to the loo. Parents were expected to stay the whole time and there just wasn't enough staff to provide the care they needed. I wasn't allowed to use the sterilizer and I spent ages finding a nurse to sterilize his bottle every time he needed feeding. I was worried about leaving him to go and eat something so I just had cereal bars and graze snacks while sat by his bed. Thank goodness we were only there for 2 days.

So partners should not be allowed and won't ever be as a general rule because women will not put up with it. I certainly wouldn't have put up with a man in the next cubicle when I'd just given birth and would have complained loud and long until he was removed.

Not sure about that. There is a hospital near me currently about to trial partners staying overnight, and the hospital I just gave birth in has been making noises about trialling a similar thing. Most concerns voiced about it so far have been more to do with the number of people on the wards rather than the fact they are specifically men.

Having just come off a postnatal ward I think it's strange that people Re fine with make partners there in the day but not the night. When I was there the other night, the ward was pretty much quiet At night and the curtains were drawn etc. it was during the day that one male partner caught a glimpse of my boobs as I was breeastfeeding and that I had to pass several blokes as I shuffled to the bathroom in my bloodstained gown/bedpan in hand to do my post catheter wees/go and have a shower. Funnily enough they did not seem to care a jot about it as I think they were rather preoccupied!