Episiotomies aren't all that bad

[Mummy2014]

I'm a first time mummy & tearing / being cut was such a worry & a concern for me, that it almost had me asking for a C Section.

However, my baby boy was delivered via ventouse 13 days ago & I needed an episiotomy. As soon as the consultant walked in - I PANICKED!! But, there really wasn't any need, after being numbed "down there" he cut & my boy was delivered.

Whilst it wasn't pleasant in the slightest, and the first 2/3 days were very sore, overall it wasn't as bad as I had expected. 13 days later my stitches have dissolved & after a sneaky peak, everything looks back to normal (although I'm fully aware more healing is required!)

I just wanted to share my experience & reassure people that it really isn't that bad & try not to worry if you can help it.

I know this isn't the case for everyone, but just wanted to share my experience.

Xx

The cut and healing from the abdominal wound made from my ELCS was preferable for me than the cut and healing from my episiotomy.

I was numb and swollen for weeks and sex was intensely painful for several months after the birth (epi). I hadn't had an infection or anything, it just took ages to feel normal in the most intimate place.

But I'm glad it went well for you, OP Congrats on your new baby.

I totally agree with elQuinto, Cote and others who have voiced similar opinions.

My episiotomy totally scarred me psychologically not to mention the physical pain etc. 17 months later even engaging in this thread is making me feel ill as I just can't reflect totally on my childbirth experience without dragging up some really awful feelings.

I should say my birth experience on the whole was horrendous though, but the episiotomy caused a lot of problems.

And I say this in the interests of a balanced viewpoint on episiotomies!

I'm glad the OP had a good experience and it's actually comforting to hear not all experiences were as bad as mine. Congratulations on your lovely new baby OP!

Well in the interest of being open and honest and not one sided, I've had 2 episiotomys.
Both cut when at full stretch with no local. 12 stitches first time, 16 second. It didn't hurt as it was done, healing was sore, but it wasn't overly traumatic.
I have no idea what my preference is this time. I think I need to do a bit more research.
This thread isn't particularly helpful, and slightly hysterical tbh. There are loads of issues on MN where anecdotal information is given and gratefully received. The OP is being shredded for mislabelling her anecdote as evidence, but in that case, everyone else's experiences are purely anecdotal too. Which given the flaming given the OP makes the whole thread totally pointless really!

"The OP is being shredded for mislabelling her anecdote as evidence"

That is not why she is being "shredded" at all. We would be stupid not to get that everyone's experience is their own anecdote.

You might like to read the thread. It's not very long.

cote at no point did I single you out as bitchy.
get a grip.

whereisthewitch Mon 03-Feb-14 07:01:28
... "woopdeedoo" comments and the "your post makes me feel stabby" comments were nasty and uncalled for.... absolutely no need to be so bitchy.

As I was the one who said "thread title makes me stabby" (not post, by the way), your "bitchy" comment was obviously aimed at me.

HTH.

The title and first post really helped me overcome some of my angst about giving birth this week.

Then reading all the stories about experiences that weren't so pleasant have given me back all of that angst and then some.

The original poster was posting for the sake of people who Haven't given birth yet, and as someone who is about to give birth I would MUCH rather hear POSITIVE stories than negative ones.

I found the original post really comforting. I don't care if it's not the experience everyone gets. Just knowing that it is possible to have a 'not so bad' episiotomy makes me feel better about the whole giving birth idea.

Well ras105 I hope that adopting the "MUCH rather hear POSITIVE stories" approach helps you to have a positive birth. If it doesn't work out that way then there are plenty of wise and experienced people on mn who, with the benefit of their experience, will be able to help you.

I have read the thread thank you and I have read your other thread as well. The OP was told off for a sweeping statement about her experience of one. Obviously, you and Here and others have had traumatic experiences. But others haven't. And the OP was offering her experiences. Her thread title might not be worded well but her intentions are good.
You and others are obviously, and quite rightly, very angry about your experiences, but its not fair to project that anger onto the OP and those who haven't experienced trauma.
And as for the comment which I can't cut and paste on my mobile but basically translated as "good for you being positive but when it goes tits up come back and people who know what they're talking about will pick up the pieces" that totally sucks!
This thread is by a first time mum offering her experiences to other in a similar situation.
Maybe you could share some stories about dying in childbirth, or stillbirth? or perhaps you could drop the anger, think about the people that the thread is aimed at, and offer your experiences in a slightly less terrifying manner.

Thanks saggy, my thoughts exactly. There is a time andplace for sharing traumatic birth experiences, but iI'm speechless that anybody thinks that this thread is it. Nobody can tell who will or won't have a bad birth experience, but to effectively imply 'ha, just you wait, its going to be horrific' is bordering on the sadistic!

Yes, Saggy. As you say, OP was told off for the sweeping statement about episiotomies, based on her single experience.

That is not "mislabelling her anecdote as evidence". Yes, her single experience is anecdotal evidence, so what? We all have at least one of those.

The problem with thread title and OP is the generalising - the "sweeping statement", as you have now realised. Not "mislabelling as evidence".

As for the rest of your post - Thank you for your offer to tell us exactly what to post on MN and how to post it but I think I'll pass

Nobody said that lalouche.

And we didn't come on here to share traumatic birth experiences. We came on here to point out that the thread title is wrong, and that OP is wrong to assume that she can say "it really isn't that bad" from her single, lucky, experience.

What next? If you are see nothing wrong with this thread title, I give you:

I had a baby, she slept through the night from when she was a week old, so newborns are really not hard work everyone. Thought I'd share

I only ever felt a little queasy in the 1st trimester, never threw up, so morning sickness really isn't that bad, peeps. Here, have some xxx

From my POV, I found the original post a big smug; claiming to be knowing when the OP is a mere 13 days into recovering.

Thay said, I thought the OP was well-meaning and certainly didn't intend to start a bun fight.

Terrible type'os, hope that post made sense

I would take a guess and say that the smugness is something that others have picked up on and is why this thread has been so criticised and why others have said 'well no, actually, this is how it was for me'.

And that part of our bodies is so intimate; private; sacred. My episiotomy certainly affected my relationship with my body for a while.

Herethereandeverywhere's post came perilously close, cote. You could almost hear a cackle in the background.

I'm not sure how this has ended up with Cote having to defend herself.

Come on, i think enough of us have found the title annoying that it's obviously fairly justified. It may not be to everyone but it is to us.

Oh and I was inundated with positive stories about childbirth, so much so that I was really really taken aback at how tits up my DS birth went. And you know what? I was relieved to find similar stories on mn that made me feel less like a freak.

i've got one... my induction was a peace of cake.. I practically enjoyed it and refused any epidural because gas and air was enough. I would do induction again in a heartbeat over natural.. it really wasn't that bad. The injection of anesthetic into my bits really helped. I don't know whey don't do that as standard.

it's actually true (for me) but i wouldn't start a thread about it as some people might not take kindly to it. Adding it to a question about childbirth if fine.. good and bad storys give a balanced view. Starting a thread would look like gloating or a similar word i'm not thinking of.

anyway.. i'm sure the OP just really didn't mean this thread to go the way it did... good intentions and whatnot. I'm fucking gutted what that type of delivery did to my bits and madly jealous that anybody else got of lightly

I agree that it's not good if pregnant women only hear positive stories - as some have described, it can make them even more shell shocked if they do have a bad experience.

But MN is, sadly, chock full of women sharing bad birth experiences. It's much rarer to find someone like the OP saying "it's not always bad". So at the moment the picture is unbalanced the other way.

We need to hear the positive stories too, otherwise we'll all be terrified going into labour (which in itself isn't helpful). That's all the OP is trying to do - give some balance to the bad stories.

So what if it's badly worded. It is obvious what the intention was, and it was nothing but good. I hope the OP hasn't left MN for good after the slating she's had here

"Maybe you could share some stories about dying in childbirth, or stillbirth?" Firstly these things are far, far rarer than needing or being given an episiotomy so they are not comparable. Introducing the fact that there is the potential for a mum or her baby to die during childbirth into the conversation is something no-one on the thread, except you SaggyOldCothCatPuss, has done.

"Herethereandeverywhere's post came perilously close, cote. You could almost hear a cackle in the background." Wow, you really are charming lalouche. Can't believe it's the likes of me and Cote being singled out for being so allegedly unpleasant.

Fact is, a pair of positive blinkers doesn't work but it won't stop people like me from trying to prepare others for the reality of childbirth - the facts that midwives quietly mutter after the event - the ones that don't appear in the shiny leaflets and the NCT magazines. And it won't stop me providing help, advice and support based on my experience either.

Ok, I'm sorry, my last comment was out of order. But the post I was commenting on read very much like sarcasm - because surely we all know that positive thinking has really nothing to do with how good a birth experience someone has, so it really read like 'ha, good luck with you and your positive thinking, come back after you've had your nightmare birth and we'll sympathise.' If that wasn't the intention, I apologise.

'Slating' minipie ? I didn't slate. Did you read my first post? I reacted purely to the thread title - then I said cogtats and posted flowers emoticon.

I think I'm going to go back to rocking in a dark corner with my ruined 'down there' place with CoteDAzur and FucketyFuckFuckFuckFuck (too many fucks? )

Fwiw, I'm sure lots of you above would go nuts on a thread title that read "bteastfeeding - not all that painful/uncomfortable"

If that title was written in the context of this thread El it would read breastfeeding doesn't always have to be sore/uncomfortable so your comparison is incorrect.

God forbid anyone shares a positive birth experience on mumsnet. I didn't have a particularly brilliant pregnancy or labour but I would never throw that in the face of someone who had when they are sharing their positive experience for other people's benefit.

And due to the fact that during my first pregnancy all I heard were the horror stories (it's like some sort of competition women have at times) I could never have been naive enough to think it was going to be all fun and breathing, even if I wanted to. I don't think any pregnant woman is that naive anyway. But it is nice to hear about good experiences too, the lovely calm water births, how amazing epidurals are, how episiotomies can be a positive thing not just a negative thing, we all know they can go wrong but it's nice to know they can go right too.

No. It would be written:

Breastfeeding isn't all that bad

Others could be:

Newborns aren't all that much hard work

Morning sickness isn't all that bad

Can you picture what those threads would be like? We can only imagine because surely not many people with a shred of empathy would write them, and no one has in my knowledge.

If I were to say "I only felt a bit queasy in the first months of pregnancy, didn't throw up at all. Morning sickness really isn't all that bad." within earshot of my SIL who had a horrific time through 9 months with hers, I would fully expect to be told to fuck off.

I am flabbergasted that you don't get this. Seriously.