Episiotomies aren't all that bad

[Mummy2014]

I'm a first time mummy & tearing / being cut was such a worry & a concern for me, that it almost had me asking for a C Section.

However, my baby boy was delivered via ventouse 13 days ago & I needed an episiotomy. As soon as the consultant walked in - I PANICKED!! But, there really wasn't any need, after being numbed "down there" he cut & my boy was delivered.

Whilst it wasn't pleasant in the slightest, and the first 2/3 days were very sore, overall it wasn't as bad as I had expected. 13 days later my stitches have dissolved & after a sneaky peak, everything looks back to normal (although I'm fully aware more healing is required!)

I just wanted to share my experience & reassure people that it really isn't that bad & try not to worry if you can help it.

I know this isn't the case for everyone, but just wanted to share my experience.

Xx

herethere the "woopdeedoo" comments and the "your post makes me feel stabby" comments were nasty and uncalled for, and since OP hasn't returned to the thread I assume she took them the same way I did....absolutely no need to be so bitchy. I accept the title wasn't great but it's clear she didn't mean the thread to antagonise but everyone just piled in determined to shoot her down.
I accept everyone has different experiences too, OP justwanted share hers and hopeful reassure people who are nervous about it that it's not always the horror story, but people are always more than happy to share a birth horror story aren't they

Surely it would be more productive in giving women information in how to avoid an episiotomy- although they are sometimes necessary they are never desirable.

That wasn't the OPs experience thoughatthestroke, how would she be able to give info about how to avoid one? I assume she's not a HCP just someone who has been through it very recently and wanted to reassure that it's not always an awful experience.

I know this isn't the case for everyone, but just wanted to share my experience

OP clearl didn't mean to offend people and obviously hasn't just assumed that everyone has a good experience.

"Bitchy"?

If you don't understand why the thread title is offensive, I can only assume that you have never had a horrible experience that has scarred you for life, which then you saw someone minimise - "Oh they are not all that bad, I had one and was fine, tralala".

Rapes are not all that bad, I was raped and it was fine. (YES, it is comparable)
Earthquakes are not all that bad, I survived one so don't worry.
Car accidents are not all that bad, I had one and was fine.

Read this before you call me "bitchy" again

I thought I was very restrained, especially since I refrained from saying what I thought about the flippant xxx kisses at the end of the OP.

Reading this thread makes me very glad I have had two LSCS.

Sorry that so many of you have had such awful experiences. I titally get the feelings of violation and have sent a link to this thread to a relative who is training as a MW.

You should complain if you have bad treatment- the only way anything will ever change.

Reading the OP again the kisses at the end are not there to be dismissive, smug or arrogant.

The OP thought she was being reassuring and offering her perspective, something that it an important part of recovering from any birth experience. Telling your story and wanting others to benefit from it is natural.

Some of you are projecting to be honest. Give her a break.

OP and congratulations on your baby.

CoteDAzur actually if you look at my posts on this thread, you'll see I have certainly had horrible experiences that have left me scarred, in both senses.

The problem with the thread title is that people are misreading it. She meant 'episiotomies are not ALL that bad', as in, all of them are not bad. Not 'episiotomies are not 'all that bad'. I think this is very clear from the tone of the post. If you want to willingly misread her, that's up to you, but make no mistake, that is what you are doing.

Cote the OP says she realises it isn't the same for everyone. She's not minimising your experience (or anyone else who had a bad one). She is saying it doesn't always turn out badly.

And no it's not remotely like saying "Rapes aren't all that bad". All rapes are bad. Not all episiotomies are bad. I'm sorry yours was horrendous, but it doesn't mean all episiotomies are bad.

cross post lalouche! Exactly.

CoteDAzur it's not the OPs fault your care was awful, people who have bad tears sown up badly also suffer trauma.

My DF was lucky she had a wonderful GP who referred her straight back to the hospital with a very strongly worded letter suggesting they cleaned up and redid their awful handy work, before she put in an official complaint.

I read the thread title the same as lalouche.

I think it's actually incredibly helpful when people report back about an experience or procedure not being as bad as they expected. The fear women experience around birth is directly related to the fact that people only talk about birth in the negative. Labour, episiotomies and tears, inductions - these words strike fear deep in the hearts of women in their first pregnancy. I think it's nice to hear the other side. Women deserve a balanced view.

Cote I am really sorry your experience was so awful. I read your account and am really angry on your behalf for how you were medically treated and how you weren't listened to or helped to recover properly. It's no wonder episiotomies are a red flag for you.

But the OP is not minimising YOUR experience. She is describing HER experience, which was clearly (and thankfully) very different. No-one has said - or even insinuated - anything like a sentiment of 'I don't know what all the fuss is about'. She admits being frightened in advance of episiotomy, as did I, and I read her post as being one of feeling relief, not of gloating or trivialising.

It is truly horrible that FOR YOU an episiotomy is comparable to a rape, an earthquake or a car crash. Something has clearly gone very wrong for you to view a medical procedure in that light. But surely you can recognise that it isn't always a disastrous procedure - many others undergo this medical procedure with satisfactory results, which is presumably why they are done so often (yes, probably far too often). In the interests of balance, acknowledging that this satisfactory result can happen is as important as acknowledging experiences like yours.

"MY EPISIOTOMY wasn't all that bad" - perfectly fine.

"EPISIOTOMIES AREN'T all that bad" - no, not fine.

I'm happy for OP that HERS wasn't bad, but thread title is offensive to those of us who have suffered terribly.

I'm also happy for those of you who clearly don't even understand why we are offended and outraged at it. I wish I didn't, either.

And no, this is not a misreading of the thread title at all, deliberate or otherwise.

Being called "bitchy" was the icing on the cake, as well.

Thanks for that, whereisthewitch

NO ONE is thinking that clearly about everyone else's experiences with a 13 day old baby, sort Cote, but however awful your personal experience you are being ridiculous.

Sorry

Episiotomies AREN'T all that bad though. They aren't, it's true - the OP's wasn't, mine wasn't.

The OP hasn't said ALL episiotomies aren't that bad and some women make a fuss about nothing. She's said she was really frightened about it before hand, but actually hers was ok in the end but she knows not everyone has the same experience.

I had a horrible episiotomy, but please please don't give OP a hard time. For goodness sake, she's just had a baby! She must be completely shattered and exhausted, give her a break please folks!

I think the issue here is whether the thread title should be parsed as

Espisiotomies aren't all (that bad) -- uncontroversial statement, really.

or

Episiotomies aren't (all that bad) -- comes across as a sweeping and inaccurate statement.

As the OP specifically said "I know this isn't the case for everyone," could we give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she meant the first version?

It is an interesting lesson in avoiding ambiguity in thread titles, though -- I know I read it the second way to begin with and had to think about it to see the first reading.

There's a language issue that's inflaming this discussion: I don't think everyone is understanding what "all that bad" means in the same way.

One interpretation: "not all xx are horribly bad" ... since OP goes on with a "mine wasn't" story, we should probably assume that this was her intention and go a little easier on her.

Another interpretation: "all xx are not horribly bad" ... would entirely justify angry responses, especially from those whose experiences were.

all round

spectacular x post!

I just think that in the childbirth topic, when you post that 'I had experience x' people will come on and say 'but I had experience y'. It balances the discussion and informs the debate.

I don't think "people are always more than happy to share a birth horror story aren't they?" actually. I'd have felt much better informed had I known more than "it was okay" "it wasn't very nice but I'm fine now". I had to ASK my NCT teacher about the chances of ending up with stitches She didn't know. I had to ASK how to look after myself if I got them. For first births the vast majority of women will need stitching back together again in some way. The vast majority of those will never have experienced anything like the pain and exhaustion of labour or the post-birth pain and recovery.

Women (first timers) should be better prepared for feeling like they've been in a major accident post-birth and therefore better prepared to ask for decent pain relief, decent monitoring of their recovery and decent further treatment when it goes wrong. If women (like me at the time) don't even know of the possibility that an episiotomy can break down/ need refashioning/ be more painful than a CS recovery then we won't be very well prepared when it happens to us will we? If you like I can go on to explain the mental effects of feeling completely sh*t and having no post-birth care as any care we could find (by driving around hospitals and healthcentres - no home visits as too understaffed) focused on my non-feeding traumatised baby. I was like a lamb to the slaughter and I don't want anyone else to end up like me.

If it isn't a misreading of the thread title, then you're right, I don't see how on earth anyone can be offended by someone saying that all episiotomies are not terrible - ie some clearly are, but OPs wasn't nearly as bad as she thought. Surely that's exactly what the truth is! Some experiences of it are dreadful, which is why women are often very nervous about episiotomies, but many are not dreadful at all. Most women do not compare their experience of episiotomies to rapes or earthquakes - you were terribly unlucky that that was the case for you, but that doesn't give you the right to rail at others who didn't have that bad experience, any more than I would have the right to say to you 'well at least your baby didn't have to be in NICU for 10 weeks'!

Again, "all episiotomies are not terrible" would have been perfectly fine.

Thread title is "episiotomies aren't all that bad". It is not a misreading to understand from this that OP is talking about episiotomies in general. That is the offensive part.

I do realise she qualifies that in her OP with "I know this isn't the case for everyone" but that's small comfort when she also says "... reassure people that it really isn't that bad ". As in, an episiotomy isn't really that bad and those who say it is are... what, exactly? Drama queens? Lying?

What everyone here said was: Yours wasn't that bad and we are all happy for you. It, however, can sometimes be pretty awful.

Yes, I understand that she has just had a baby so probably feeling out of it and must be really new to MN to be ending her OP with xx kisses, but still. Some things need to be said and this was one of them.