Poll-Your Mum at the birth?

[IndecisivePramBuyer81]

For those with DH's - did you have/would you have your Mum at the birth of your first child?

Yes - I started to consider it when I got to 6 months pg (from previously being adamant I only wanting me and DP) and ummed and ahhed about it up until 8 months pg when I decided I wanted her there. Best. decision. I. ever. made. Not only was my DP absolutely useless because by the time they would admit us to the hospital it was 5am and he could barely keep his eyes open (he slept for about 8hrs at the hospital while I was in labour), but because he'd never seen me in full-on hosebeast mode and didn't know how to cope with me. My Mum, however, had survived years of this when I was a teenager and I could hear her in-between the haze shouting instructions to him like "okay, she wants you to rub her back now", and - the best thing at the time - "you're standing too close to her - give her some space and stop fussing".

The best thing about having her there was knowing that although I'd gone through my birth plan with both her and my DP,at the end of the day she was the one who, when I had a random midwife burst in and insist I gave them my name and stand up so they could talk to me when I was mid-contraction (at 7cms!), and threatened to strap me to the bed for monitoring for the rest of my labour if I didn't behave, told them to feck off, got me another midwife and fought my corner. My DP was so shellshocked my the whole experience I doubt he could've told anyone his own name, let alone my birth plan.

Both first and second births, had DP and both my parents there, worked well for us. Initially I hadn't wanted anyone with me apart from DP, but by the time it all started getting a bit real, and I realised that reading books about birth and actually doing it were very different, and I wanted supportive people there. We had two homebirths, so useful to have parents around to do all the tea-making and stuff so DP and midwives could focus.
Wouldn't change it at all- in fact midwife for DD2's birth was rubbish- wonder if our family team could have done it better without her- she just wouldn't stop talking- drove me mad.

Id have given anything for mine to be their. Sadly she didnt live long enough.

No dh was all I needed

God no! Even if DH couldn't make it my mum would not be invited in.

I thought I wanted my mum there, but once things got going she just couldn't cope with seeing me in pain, and that was stressing me out. I could not focus on my labour with her there. So had to make an excuse and have her wait outside
Dh on the other hand, who was supposed to be quite squeamish, was absolutely amazing!

No, but I had a weird issue with my mum seeing me naked at the same time as DH. If he couldn't have done it for whatever reason then she likely would have been. In the event he was great.

I wanted my mum there more than DP! Chance ended up that I was having a girly sleepover with my family when I went into labour, so mum could come with me

My mum and I are very close but no way

Hell no! I love my Mum, I see her quite a lot, speak regularly, she was a fab mother and a she's a fab grandmother, but she does tend to panic! I would rather not spend my labour trying to reassure her and calm her down.

I did want her there asap afterwards though.

I wish I could have had my DM. She died when I was 17 years old. So I asked my DH and my lovely MIL (mumsnetters, shock horror )

I asked both to stay away from the 'business end'. I ended up with an EMCS, so I only had my DH. MIL support was amazing after and before going to theatre.
I love my MIL

Good God no.

Definitely not!
My mum is the most squeamish person alive (closely followed by my dad) and scarpered out of the gps when I had a tetanus jab at the age of 12. I hadn't even realised she had left till I had a plaster put on my arm and saw the chair next to me was empty. the nurse looked quite stunned.

yes - although I didn't know it at the time. She was minding the others upstairs (homebirth) and got them asleep in time to pop in without me noticing, and caught the moment of drama. She was so emotional about it that I didn't really mind her not asking. !!

Absolutely not - my Mum is a fretter and a worrier and doesn't really do brilliant sympathy for other people. DH was much better - calm, quiet and just did whatever needing doing! The only thing my Mum is good at in this kind of thing is looking after the rest of the kids while I'm in labour.

no, although we get on great. she's a worrier and a hand-wringer and would be constantly fretting. she also had really difficult births herself and has nothing good to say about childbirth so I can't think she'd actually want to be there.

nope

Yes, at my first labour. It was unplanned, she had just arrived from SA, my watera had broken that morning, a week before EDD and she came along to the check at the hospital, and we didn't leave. Poor woman had no sleep for close to 50hrs!

In view of all the no's I am incredibly lucky to have been there when my grandson was born.
My DD and her DP split up soon after, and they now live with me too. The house is big enough for her to have her own space to bring him up. Granny does the babysitting after DGS is asleep in bed. I wouldn't have it any other way!
I wouldn't have had my own mum there (narc) though!

Oh, and I just want to add, that although it was never part of my 'Birth Plan' (and had I been asked before the time I would have definitely said NO!) it was very, very special having my mum at DS's birth and her support was invaluable to me and DH.

The only reason she wasn't at DD's birth was because she was caring for DS.

I didn't plan to have my DM there but my partner had a bit of an emotional wobble and I needed more support so called my mum in.

It never occurred to me to ask her - she would have been awful & I would never have heard the end of it. She came to stay after we had our son to "look after" my husband while I recovered from C/S & nearly drove him fucking berserk. Once I was home she stayed on for a few days & kept barging in to see me in the bath, so she could feel my boobs & apply cabbage leaves to them. Urgh.

I did but only because DD arrived 8 weeks early and DH was over 100 miles away and couldn't get home quickly enough. Second time round she was babysitting but would have been happy for her to have been there.

I had DD at home, so parents came over in case DS woke up and were upstairs throughout. Prior to labour I was really struggling with the thought of either of them being around and being able to hear everything, but once things got going I couldnt have cared less. DM did say that she almost came downstairs when she heard me shouting that I didn't want to have a baby any more and telling the midwives to 'stick it back in'. In terms of emotional support, I'd never want DM there, only DH (or I'd just crack on on my own if he couldn't make it).

No. I was 38 when I had my first child and my mum was 39. I grew out of needing her more than 20 years previously.