Poll-Your Mum at the birth?

[IndecisivePramBuyer81]

For those with DH's - did you have/would you have your Mum at the birth of your first child?

No way, do people really do this? I am just

I am very close to my Mum and we get on really well, but still - just no.

I still struggle to see why the fathers are better off there. I have several close friends who are men who say they hated it, but felt they had to go along. Why do we do this to them?

I had both - I wasn't sure about having my mum there but it was the best decision in the end. I had a long and difficult labour and she was great support (as was DH). To her credit, she left the room when I started pushing (and that was something we hadn't discussed previously) - I asked her to stay but she said that was a special moment for the couple only and didn't think it was appropriate for her to be present. I have to admit I was really impressed but how decently and discreetly she behaved. She came back in the room as soon as DD came out and had a cuddle with me and DH. It was great for us and her. I haven't always had the easiest relationship with my mum but it has improved considerably after the birth of DD.

I had mine with me and I'm glad. There was some medical mismanagement and she was a brilliant advocate for me when things went wrong.

I didn't, but I happily would if the situation happened.

As I have said on MN before, I had DP and BIL with me the last time! BIL was there the whole way through, we thought DP wasn't going to make it but luckily he did!

My mum was there (as well as my DH) even though that wasn't what I'd planned. But my waters broke suddenly at 33+6 and DH was at work and couldn't get home quickly so my mum took me to hospital. And it didn't seem right to send her home after DH turned up. I'm very glad she was there. But then, we're very close and she kept in the background after DH arrived.

No don't want me Mum there and she doesn't want to be there.
MIL was dropping hints about doing it 3 times herself but never seeing anyone else do it it but I don't want her there so she will be getting a firm no or not told until it's all over of there is a risk she will turn up at the hospital.

I didn't really want my mum there, but she was. She got me into the car to get to hospital and DD was born 15 minutes after we got there. My mum was in the room, she wasn't asked to leave and tbh it wasn't something I could process at the time (being busy pushing a baby out and all that). She cut The umbilical cord tho, which I think was special for her. DH was also with me.

oh and Fairdene - DH wasn't there because it was better for him, he was there because it was better for me.

Mum was with me but only because it all happened so quickly. She was staying with us for the week and supported me through my early labour at home and was fantastic. Hospital (30min drive away) told me to have a bath and that I would "be hours" when my contractions were every 10mins. In the middle of it I heard mum say to OH in a really urgent voice "Phone the hospital & get in the car- NOW"
She sat in the back with me and talked me through it whilst OH ran red lights. I arrived at hospital fully dilated and ready to push and all 3 of us went I together. Afterwards she apologised for being there but DH and I were so grateful!

miffy, what would you do if you had a difficult birth, baby rushed straight out, husband in the corner in shock and you're on you're own? I needed someone who could comfort me past that moment and keep me going. She's also good when they're playing up and isn't a doula do can give them what-for when needed

I'm not going to judge your relationship with your mum that you couldn't have her with you, don't base everyone's birth experience on your own.

I wouldn't, but its a personal choice. I don't feel like i need anyone else other than DH but if i did, it would be my mum.

Fair, I agree with you, no one who doesn't want to be there should be, for the same reason I don't take my sticks to a birth. The mum picks up on the needs of others if they're not comfortable rather than concentrating on her birth. I've been in with mum whilst dad waited at home (actually outside the room but we didn't know until after) he would not have handled it before things got difficult, let alone when it did and she needed add much focus on her as possible. I have to admit it's one I cried over myself afterwards.

I had DP and my mum with me, I asked them both to be there to support me and each other, on the understanding that they both stayed up the top end. I was completely happy and comfortable, and will have them both there when DS arrives in October :)
I know I'm very lucky to have the relationship I do with my mum, I honestly never had a moment of thinking she wouldn't be there.

I was there when my DD1 gave birth last year (as well as her husband). She told me she wanted me there from the start, just glad the hospital allowed up to 2 'birthing partners' there rather than just 1. DGD was then given my name as her middle name :)

It was a profound experience for me in many ways because I've never had a baby, never been near a maternity unit in my life until then, and basically had very little idea what actually happens. I did read up a bit before the birth so I was prepared. My DD1 was 10 and a half years old when I met her. I'm just so glad that after years of struggles, we've come through to have such a wonderful relationship with each other :)

She's pregnant again now, and we're planning for me to be there again this time around :)

I can't imagine anything worse, it's probably a tie with having MIL there, both would have told me I was doing it wrong, but each in their own unique way.

It was just me and DH, the midwife didn't get much of a look in as DH is clinical and pretty much took over.

No I didn't but it was an elcs so never thought to ask her.

However, when it looked like dc3 was going to make an appearance at home (she didn't - we made it to a delivery room with 10mins to spare), my mum was the one who stayed calm and listened to me while dh and my dad ran around being flappy!

minipie I agree that at the labour and delivery stage it should be all about the mother and nothing to do with the father, if there's a conflict. I was livid that I asked/ told DH to go away and the hospital staff ushered him to a viewing window 'to look'. It was my call and not his and not theirs. Absolute cheek.

No thankyouverymuch. My mum is fab. She'll be around the day after for a few hours, and will come and stay for week 2 when DH goes back to work, but the idea of her being in the delivery suite would make my, and more particularly DH's, blood run very cold. Mum is quite the presence - it would be all about her.

I have a friend in the US whose DM and DMIL each held a leg during delivery. Urgh.

I had my mum and partner with me both times - my mum was fantastic and a great support and if I ever have another I'd want her there again. My mw with my 2nd was trying to convince my mum to look into training.

I was there when my niece was born (ex bil didn't want to be) I felt honoured to be asked and apart from my children being born it was the most amazing experience of my life Was truely magical.

Just read balloons comment upthread

Whether people want their mum there or not is no indication of maturity levels, it's just an indication of what makes that woman feel comfortable in labour. Some women want to be in hospitals, some at home, the point is that they are in an environment where they can relax and get on with labour.

I knew with my Mum there I didn't have to worry about anything practical (I am practical, my DH is not, but he is a rock and amazing emotionally). I was having a home birth, so maybe that made a bit of difference. Also, I am not a private person, having people there kind of forced me to get on with it. Which is good when it came to my second birth which was twins, I had 16 people in the room at the last count...

I would love to have the kind of relationship where I would want my Mum to be with me. I think it's quite nasty to say that about maturity tbh. Your DH/DP might be great but perhaps some women want the support of another woman they are close to who has actually DONE it.

Yes for dc 1. I was terrified of labour and I know DH is very reasonable and wanted someone there to fight my corner if things got tough. I was very glad she was there as I tore badly and probably wouldn't have made it to the bath after dc's arrival without her. I also had a little cry on her shoulder at the shock of it all, which is very unlike me and I was so glad to have her there. I also love that she saw her first grand child's first moments in the world. She often talks about it and I know she was incredibly touched that we wanted her there. I feel it deepened the bond between all of us and would make the same decision again for my first labour. For dc 2 it was DH and I and that was right too.

No, because I'm much more of a wuss if my mum's there to fix things

We did call my parents on the way in, though... And when DH called them straight after delivery to come and meet their grandson, it turned out that my mum had made my poor dad drive in to the hospital and hang around a waiting room for 6 hours, just in case she was needed, but didn't tell us because she didn't want to intrude. I was very touched, and it also turned out perfectly as it meant that they were in the room before he'd even been weighed and measured - plus if anything had gone wrong, I would have loved to have mum as well as DH.

No, which my mum and sister think is weird and prudish. Not sure why.