Poll-Your Mum at the birth?

[IndecisivePramBuyer81]

For those with DH's - did you have/would you have your Mum at the birth of your first child?

Yes, I had my Mum there. She was great. I am quite surprised by all the emphatic 'no's' on this thread.

No. We have a wonderful relationship but think I would have become a 5 year old begging their Mummy to make the pain go away!

Yes, with dc1 she was planned to be there but dd came 2 months early and dm was away on holiday. With dc2 we hadn't planned for her to be there, however you drove me to hospital and dc2 was born 14mins after arriving so she stayed :)

Oh God no! My mum is one of those people who tells you to "mind the puddles or watch out for that lose piece of pavement " when you're out for a walk with her so I dread to thinkj what she'd be like in a delivery suite.

Plus, as she loves to remind me, when I was born she was warned that unless they performed an emergency c-section she would have died and I would have followed. She told me that story (for the umpteenth time) three weeks before I was due to give birth and wondered why my sisters, who were there at the time, rounded on her!

Oh, I'll be having nightmares now....

Good lord no!

Bear in mind that OBEM is not a representative sample. These are people who don't mind giving birth on telly, no wonder they don't mind their mum being there!

Yama, as another poster said, it will all depend on your relationship with your mum as to whether you want her there.

While I love my mum, I know she has issues about bodily functions and therefore would not (and did not) ask her to be present. It imply wouldn't have gone well at all.

DP was the best person for me. He was great.

I love my mother very very much, but I saw how badly she panicked when my sister was having a contraction at the start of her labour with her first. She just can't cope seeing her daughters in pain, one contraction and I had to send her off to be looked after by my dad :)

So no, I wouldn't have her there. Not an issue probably as she's in Ireland and I'm in England, though DSis is also in Ireland and I would like her there as well as DH.

If my DH couldn't have been there, then yes. Otherwise no, it was a time for just me and DH to share. Plenty of opportunities for mum an other grandparents afterwards.

Mum really wanted to see a baby born and as she's very practical and calm so I wanted her there too. Before the birth I made sure my fiance was totally happy with her being there, and he said it was fine but wanted to know who I would pick to go with me if I ended up having a C section and only one person was allowed in theatre (if that is the rule, I'm not sure) - I said of course it would be him, so he was happy. When it came to the birth, DD was OP (face up) and I was pushing for three hours with bad back pain, so it was great to have someone to massage my back and someone else in front of me giving my sips of water or gas and air. If there's another baby though I hope Mum will look after DD!

I would have loved to have her there, but the stress of managing the tension between her and DH, who would both have wanted to be the most supportive to me would have been bad. They get on really well together, but they would have just tried too hard and then wound each other up.

No fucking way. My mum has MH issues, is narcissistic and generally NEEDS to be the center of attention. She physically can't handle it when it's not about her and I know she would have to do something like pass out or vomit on me. She keeps asking to be there for my next birth.

I actually asked my MIL to be on standby in case I needed more support than my DP. My MIL is amazing and so calm in a crisis, I knew if me or DP were struggling she'd know exactly what to do.

But when the real thing came round it was actually my DF I really wanted by my side with DP. I cried a little when he went home after taking me to hospital. In the end I'm glad it was just me and DP though. It became a very lovely intimate moment for our family. Though I might ask him about DF being there next time.

No, nein, nyet, nem, non, nix, nay and all the different ways of saying "no" - like Dr.Cox does in Scrubs.

I can't imagine a scenario where I would actively ask her to be present.

My Mum is probably not the best person to help but if DH wasn't available I think I would have chosen her. Although the only reason he wasn't likely to be available was because she said she wouldn't have DS1 while I had DD. Well thanks.

I can't help feeling that if you need your Mum as well as your DH/DP then you are probably not grown up enough to have a baby, or your DH/DP or your relationship with DH/DP is a bit crap.

I had my OH with me for all four births, but to be honest, I craved peace and quiet and to be left alone to get on with it. He would tell me when he was hungry, or that he was going to the loo...I mean - I was giving birth! I had enough to do without having to be polite about his comfort levels.

If my mother had been there, I'd have had two self-centred onlookers, instead of one.

I don't understand this desire to have a roomful of people when you give birth. It's not a piece of theatre.

DH, and if DH wasn't on the scene, my sister who is my best friend in the world.

Ideally, I'd want someone who hasn't given birth to be there. None of this 'been there done that crap' - its the ultimate in judgemental grandparenting before the kid is even born! I'm not sure I could take the age old MN advice of 'smile and nod' during labour!

I want someone in awe of the totally badass thing I'm doing!

I was there for a friend's 2nd baby to be born.
it was awesome!
although I was pg with DS5 at the time and knew all about it, it was so great to see a baby being born without having to go through the pain of it!

I'd make a great birthing partner, but if my DD or DILs will not want me there I will definitely sulk understand!

No because she's a total drama queen and about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

If dd asked me though, I would be over the moon.

I'm not sure I'd really want any non-professional with me, as I tend to prefer to put my head down and get on with things by myself without distraction.

Though of course if DH actually wanted to be there (rather than feeling that he should be) I'd let him, because he is a big strong and silent type. My mum though - no way. She is a lovely lady with many sterling qualities, but she tends to get in a flap quite easily and would go fluttering about and wittering on at a hundred miles an hour. So I suspect she'd drive me nuts.

I had my mum, DH and managed to squeeze in my best friend because the midwives were lovely. I know that it sounds like a crowd but, I'm glad that I had all of them with me
But, when I was taken away to theather fro the ventouse I chose DH who was surprisingly brave and helpful throughout the whole process.

BalloonSlayer, you couldn't be more wrong. It has nothing to do with your maturity levels. It depends totally on personal preference and your relationship with your mum. I'm to become a mum myself soon, and if all goes to plan I'll be having my mum and DP there because they're the two most important people in my life and I want to share that moment with them. Is that immature? I wouldn't say so.

Birth has been a hard time for my husband so he's not a lot of use as he's too stressed. I've had a Doula and my mum the last two times and she was with me as much as possible before that (I've had generals) .

God, no

Love her to bits but no way to her being there

She felt the same

balloon I agree with futterby and your statement is quite

it's nothing to do with maturity. it's about who you feel comfortable with as well as who you think is going to be helpful and watch your needs.

my mum is panic personified.
I would have had to comfort her. and she can say the most stupid things at the wrong time and would have done my head in. so no way..
but I would have loved my aunt being there or my SIL, both so easy going and good in a crisis.
they get me. they would have been fab.

I think I'm mature enough to have 6 kids either way...

I'd much rather have had my mother at the birth than my DH. She'd have been far more comforting/ use. She was all geared up for DC1 then didn't get there in time (5am and a very short delivery to be fair). DH has been completely useless at all births and I've always had to exclude him from the room at least 30 mins before each baby was born. Once he went to sleep in the hospital foyer well before that, so no hassle there :). Another time I drove myself to hospital because he couldn't wake up (unfortunately my mother had just died, so there was no option of anyone else).

That was as well as my husband. nothing wrong with our relationship and I'm not immature. My mum is calm and knows how to talk to me when I'm stressed. She's also good at sorting out difficult professionals