1st time parents

[olivio123]

My daughter who has done everything the right way (got married then got pregant) has finally gone into labour,, although it is a slow one she is still in pain. Shes been up to the hospital 2x, 1st time at 8:30am then again at 7pm only to be turned away again, because shes still only 2cm diulated (fair enough). (She has a room booked for 4am). When they arrived at 7pm she was told she could of stayed, but her husband couldnt?? Im flabbergasted dont they like couples anymore its not exactly welcoming them is it. So rather then my daughter stay there all night on her own she has opted to go back home for another 8hrs in pain, im in bits at the moment im so angry.. This is Chester Hospital so much for marriages and couples aye!

Which would you choose stay in hospital alone or go back to your husband in pain.Not a fair choice really is it?

It's hospital policy on ante natal wards isn't it? I was admitted to an ante natal ward and DH couldn't stay (first preg)

I don't think the hospital you mentioned is exceptional

Labour ward is different

Your DD will hopefully be more comfortable at home and in her own bed

Your DD can have paracetamol, massage, use a tens machine whilst at home

Hello this happened to me with my 2nd I did go home too didn't want to be on my own and was worried if it started going quicker my OH would miss it ! It wasnt nice going home in pain but if she does starting getting contractions every 5 mins she should jus go back with OH ! Good luck xx

I don't think this is unusual if she is going to be up on the ward, and, to be fair to the other women on the ward, no, you don't want other peoples husbands or partners on the ward outside of visiting hours.
It is hard and it is scary when it's your first, but, they don't have enought delivery suites to have women blocking them up if they are not about to deliver. Until we get some kind of miraculous quadrupling of NHS funding, that's the way it is I'm afraid.

If its an open ward I think it is fair, I wouldn't want to be in early labour and trying to rest with somebody else's husband a few feet away. Some guys are quiet, polite etc and some definitely aren't. I think at one of the most vulnerable times of a woman's life it is far more important that they are given some privacy. He would be allowed in the delivery room once she has progressed far enough.

If she really wants him there for the whole thing then she has two choices, home birth or private care.

Its emotional blackmail.
Its wrong, and no argument about funding will ever make me feel differently.

If its causing distress and anxiety its not acceptable. They have no idea how long it will be before she delivers. It could be 20mins it could be 48 hrs. Its cruel.

I couldn't agree more, while teenage girls get pregnant and use it to leave their parents home, get all sorts of benefits and childcare support, it's not fair for others who work hard,pay half of their earnings as tax and not to get the care they want when they really need it. Government should be more clever at spending the money. There are thousands of people living on benefits but don't really need it.I am more than happy to pay tax but healthcare is not as good as it should be. GB is a great country for sure but nhs is not really one of the things you can be proud of! Birth should be a happy experience not a nightmare!

Great to see the bigoted brigade out in full force.

I think you'll find that the policy of sending home mothers who are only 2cms dilated has little or nothing to do with whether they are marrried or in receipt of benefits.

ignorant twerps

Agree with pickgo.

I have been with my DP for 11 years, since the age of 14 had my ds at 19 and now expecting dc2 at 25 but that probably doesn't count for much given that we did the wrong way... Not married and no intentions of it foyer the time being.

Have never claimed benefits unnecessarily btw (not that that means anyone is below it above me) so where does that leave me in your ranking?

Hospitals do this as early labour is generally quote long and most people would rather be at home for this part as to being in hospital longer. It is also as the nhs is under budgeted and under staffed so they don't have the beans to cater to women every step of the way unfortunately and those who are further on are in more need than your precious daughter.

If you have an issue go private and you can do it your way.

Why should it matter whether they're married or not?

Is this thread for real??!! What a joke. By all means be pissed off that your daughters husband wasn't allowed to stay. Be stressed and nervous for her. WTF has being married got to do with it!
And those teenage mums, well, it's probably their fault!

Get a grip woman. If you were looking for sympathy you probably alienated 99% of readers in your first sentence.

PS I did have to labour on a ward with 4 other women AND their husbands/partners. It was horrible and undignified. Your daughter isn't a higher priority than any of the other women in the labour ward...married or not!

I sympathise with your love and concern for your DD, that's only natural that you should feel that way as her mum.

I'm afraid that doing it the way certain members of society consider "the right way" gives no special privileges when it comes to NHS care of a woman in labour. Your DD is a patient like all the other women, the NHS isn't going to look into their background to see whether or not they are more deserving of special treatment. When it comes down to it, they are all women in pain who are in the process of giving birth to another human being and as such they all deserve the best treatment the NHS can give, married or not and whatever their age.

As others have said, this is a normal policy for ante-natal wards, harsh though it may seem. Once your daughter is closer to delivery, she will be given a delivery suit and her DH will be more than welcome to stay with her.

This country is in the midst of a baby boom at the moment, so the NHS doesn't have the luxury (or the funding) to let those in early labour spend a long time in delivery suites where birthing companions are welcome.

Meanwhile, best of luck to your DD - I hope her labour progresses smoothly and you will have a lovely grandson or granddaughter to cuddle at the end of it.

I don't see what marriage or benefits have to do with anything , and it sounds sensible to me for the husband/partner to go home and get some sleep rather than sitting around in hospital for hours with nothing much happening.

We will be driving over an hour, well away from our local hospital for two reasons - one it has a terrible rep and secondly (the more deciding factor for me) the hospital we are going to is the only one on the south coast set up for partners to stay.

Fair play to those who don't want their DP (married or not!) around and don;t like the idea of others who do having theirs but for me it was a joint decision, this is our first and I have no intention of adding extra stress during early labour or postpartum by being forced apart by policy.

I don't know if the op is for real or a troll but for some people (not necessarily me - we were together 9 years before getting hitched!) married then baby is the only right way.

I fell in love, we got engaged then I discovered I was pregnant. We don't get married for another 2 years so this baby will be born outside of marriage, yet still welcomed into a loving home. I feel appalled at this day and age that someone would start off a conversation or a thread topic in this way.
Welcome to 2012.

I'm sure he was refused for other reasons that you haven't went into as the story won't be as clear cut as that.

I mainly went home due to the fact there was a male immigration officer at the end of my bed as he was accompanying a lady from the local immigration centre in the bed directly next to me! V embarassing ! Kind of unfair he could sit there whilst I was in labour . I do agree tho that it's more comfortable at home until ur further along I wouldn't have stayed in for the duration !

I take issue with those who are so ashamed of the nhs. Yes, it has it's flaws. But it is one of the few public services that Thatcher didn't manage to completely fuck up. Or would you rather have an entirely privatised service, seeking only to make profit like in the US?
Yes, it isn't ideal for the birth partner to be forced to go home- I wouldn't like it either. But that's no excuse for some of the ludicrously right-wing and completely irrelevant views that some have expressed on this page.

I can't access private maternity even if I wanted to. A fact forgotten. You don't have a choice in this country either.

The argument about private v public is never a defence for poor care. Care that could have massive implications for the way a delivery progresses (fear inhibits progression naturally), may cause unnecessarily anxiety and in turn is therefore more likely to led to a traumatic birth. Please explain to me why exactly its the care that lots of hospitals are reporting massive increases in reporting of traumatic births, and why research is proving that support of a partner helps women to cope and then try and justify your criticism of some opinions on this thread.

Mental health is as important as physical health. That IS highly relevant and as far as I'm concerned got nothing to do with right wing politics and everything to do with bad prioritisation, poor understanding of economics and how things are all inter related and have massive short and long term knock on effects, including financial ones.

I had a baby at 21, unmarried, I have a masters degree, work full time and have never claimed any benefits in my life. Where does that place me, OP?! Get a grip. It's 2012 ffs.

"If its causing distress and anxiety its not acceptable. They have no idea how long it will be before she delivers. It could be 20mins it could be 48 hrs. Its cruel."

What about the distress and anxiety of the other mothers on the ward? I know when I was waiting to give birth after being induced the last thing I would have wanted was a load of men on the ward all night.

Then the NHS really start needing to improve facilities to be up to modern 2012 standards rather than saying 'well go private then' (because you actually can't). Other countries are able to do this.

No excuses, and even where the facilities are available policy is still preventing it from happening. We should be world leaders. We aren't.

We need to stop making excuses for the NHS. Its all this buck passing and passing costs to other departments thats part of the problem, and is meaning the best interests of the patient are not observed on an individual level. Everything is a compromise, when it shouldn't be.

The money is there. But its tied up in the fact that negligence costs from poor care are so astronomical...

But you still haven't acknowledged the point so many of us just cannot understand...so what that she's married?? Should unmarried women's care be compromised??

So let me get this straight, you think the NHS should put money into making room for fathers to stay at hospitals? I'm pretty certain there are better things to be spending money on.

So go back to hospital, say you are in labour. Refuse any internals.

Yes I am actually. Why?

A few reasons. Firstly, if a woman is more relaxed and feels safe, shes more likely to have an uncomplicated birth without intervention. Thats saving No1.

Secondly women are less likely to end up suffering from trauma caused by a birth that didn't go the way they hoped. If you know anything about second tocophobia, and the cost that it actually ends up having (increased requests for ELCS, need to birth debirths, more likely to have mental health issues post birth, births without interventions are less likely to result in birth injuries). Thats saving No2.

The RCM supports men being able to stay with mums, as trials have proved so successful. This is despite their initial reservations and worries about the idea.

So yeah there's costs involved, and yes I think that overall it is economically justifable, its just people are too shortsighted to actually look at this as being beneficial and having lots and lots of benefits. All they see is a price tag on providing the facilities.

Not to mention that actually, theres research proving that if men are involved from the word go and through the birth process they are more likely to stay involved in a child's life long term...