1st time parents

[olivio123]

My daughter who has done everything the right way (got married then got pregant) has finally gone into labour,, although it is a slow one she is still in pain. Shes been up to the hospital 2x, 1st time at 8:30am then again at 7pm only to be turned away again, because shes still only 2cm diulated (fair enough). (She has a room booked for 4am). When they arrived at 7pm she was told she could of stayed, but her husband couldnt?? Im flabbergasted dont they like couples anymore its not exactly welcoming them is it. So rather then my daughter stay there all night on her own she has opted to go back home for another 8hrs in pain, im in bits at the moment im so angry.. This is Chester Hospital so much for marriages and couples aye!

Which would you choose stay in hospital alone or go back to your husband in pain.Not a fair choice really is it?

I certainly don't want my taxes wasted on it - if you are only 2cm dilated it is much more comfortable and sensible to go home anyway.

Not always exotic. Sometimes pain levels at 2cm need investigating, not dismissing.

I really don't think that it makes the slightest difference to whether they are involved with the child long term.

Do I have to find links to studies on this? Really?

FFS. I was genuinely surprised by the idea, but it does make sense.

You sound very old fashioned.

Correct me if i'm wrong but no one has said he can't be at the birth of his child have they? Just not in the faces of the many other women on a ward who don't know him and don't need him there!

Once you have been examined and it was OK, you could go home. No one ever saw me before I was 8cm dilated in all 3 births.

OMG. Not really interested in OP's dilemma after reading the first sentance....but OMG the replies!

Newkewmum among others just sound like DM commentators

Not unusual and IMO very sensible. Who the hell wants a male stranger sitting just the other side of a curtain whilst you're in pain, possibly being poked/prodded, running half naked for the loo as your waters break etc etc. It's painful and scary and if your daughter needs her DH to hold her hand for the early stages then I'm glad she's been able to go home. Her DH will be allowed to join her on the labour ward where they will be in a private room.

Her DH will be allowed to join her on the labour ward where they will be in a private room.

Exactly.

What if you need pain relief AND your DH to prevent yourself from losing it into a panicked despair heading you with certainty for a C-section for failure to progress?

And then he will be asked to leave after she has given birth. There are loads of messages about how women have been left traumatised by the fact their DH or DP is asked to leave.

This is the thing. There is no facilities or ability to cater for very real and legitimate needs that vary from woman to woman. Instead its all about an NHS machine, and not treating women as individuals but cattle to be herded.

Until they change that, there is a problem.

He isn't going to be asked to leave immediately and you are out yourself within hours! The NHS is overstretched to start with.

I had 3 births in 3 different hospitals and I was treated like an individual in all cases.

Maternity wards cater primarily to expectant mothers, fathers will be involved in this care when possible/required.

The hospital have not said he can't be present further in when they get into the room they have booked.

Yes I think that NHS costs are spent in the wrong places BUT that won't change over night and still won't mean that OP's DD would/should get priority over an unmarried mother which send to be a big part of the issue.

You won't be out within hours if your lack of support has led to one of the many outcomes that lack of support has been proven to increase the chances of, i.e c/s, instrumental, pph etc.

The NHS has to make savings-they were never intended to cover half the things that they now cover and I think this is way down the list of priorities.

But exotic your labours fitted hospital policy conveniently. You were lucky enough not to NEED hospital admittance prior to 8cm. You said so yourself.

I was in hospital in 2 cases prior to 8cm dilated-I just didn't mention it until then.

My DP and my mum were able to stay with me the whole time, in a private room but I ended up having an ECS anyway.

our hospitals policy is that a limited number of visitors may stay/come in before 9pm on day one and after this it is restricted to visiting time only.

Although fathers are allowed in anytime between 10am and 9pm so all in all I don't think we are hard done by!

I'm glad at least someone 'gets' it Starlight.

Savings can be massively shortsighted. If you make savings that increase complications or worst still negligence then its not a saving at all. And very sadly, thats happening.

This is not unusual and is policy where I work.
Your daughter is not in active labour, therefore the safest place for her and her baby is at home. Should she wish to stay then the comfort and dignity of all the other women on the antenatal ward has to prioritised. The wards are normally communal with women getting up and down all night for drinks, wees etc. Having an unfamiliar man there is unsettling and inappropriate.
I am sure there would be a thread about "my daughter had to spend the night with a man she didn't know in the room "

I can't think why you wouldn't want to go home and be comfortable and private.

The treatment of the elderly in hospital would be my first priority.

Not sure what marriage etc has to do with it, but we were turned away from hospital at midnight due to me being 2cm, neither of us could stay. Apparently I was weeks/ days off giving birth. DS was born the next morning at 7am, we just made it to hospital