1st time parents

[olivio123]

My daughter who has done everything the right way (got married then got pregant) has finally gone into labour,, although it is a slow one she is still in pain. Shes been up to the hospital 2x, 1st time at 8:30am then again at 7pm only to be turned away again, because shes still only 2cm diulated (fair enough). (She has a room booked for 4am). When they arrived at 7pm she was told she could of stayed, but her husband couldnt?? Im flabbergasted dont they like couples anymore its not exactly welcoming them is it. So rather then my daughter stay there all night on her own she has opted to go back home for another 8hrs in pain, im in bits at the moment im so angry.. This is Chester Hospital so much for marriages and couples aye!

Which would you choose stay in hospital alone or go back to your husband in pain.Not a fair choice really is it?

Because some people would NOT be at all comfortable at home, prolonging their labour and increasing their chances of complications.

If women are not the most comfortable at home then there will be a reason. Pretty much any reason has medical implications and shoukd therefore not be dismissed.

Why should a woman who needs admitting in labour not be given a delivery room? 2cm dilation is a very arbitrary measurement to how 'active' a labour, how long it is likely to be, how painful and how much support is required. The only sensible measurement of all of these things is the woman's own assessment.

Yes, I 'get' it hmm.

My first labour had be rocking up at 2cm screaming the place down for pain relief to such an extent I was admitted to delivery prior to assessment, and there I stayed with my DH (Mws thankfully didn't move me but I WAS making a lot of noise and crawling around the floor - woukd have needed a police escort to remove me or my DH).

My third had be not even bothering to go to hospital, or call the midwives for that matter, as I was so comfortable at home.

My second much the same but set off to the hospital in time just to keep DH happy!

They are not given a delivery room because they are very often busy! It was chock a block the day I had DS1with no chance of a delivery room until imminent! In an ideal world it would be lovely! but we pay for it with taxes and it will never be ideal - we can't afford it.

We can afford more. If we thought about things in a better way. Instead its just about price tags and not downstream costs.

While we are sacking doctors to cut down I don't think that we can!

Then Starlight I'm afraid my response would be "grow a back bone" you can see why I'm not a nurse

I was induced, pessary finally worked at 2200 long after DH had gone home, DD's head was not engaged, waters broke at 0100 and the registrar wanted to put me straight onto the drip. I spent 15 minutes between contractions arguing with her about what was best for my DD, I won and was allowed 6 hours to labour on my own to get her head engaged before going on the drip which went a long way to avoiding a ECS. It's perfectly possible to cope with pain and argue coherently without the presence of the partner and I am bloody glad there weren't any men on the ward whilst I was going through my own private hell.

The NHS is unaffordable in its current form. If you want a private medical service pay for it yourself.

I would agree- if you want it then pay for it.

It's nothing to do with backbone and I am appalled that just because you had an easy time (and by 'easy' I mean That your pain levels were not to the extent that you were unable to talk - obviously) that you would deny a woman who was not the opportunity to access support that would increase the chances of her and her baby coming through the process safely and most likely cheaper overall.

Anyone who says grow a backbone, is both insensitive and lacks any understanding whatsoever. You clearly have no idea what tocophobia is. Its a mental health issue... its not about growing a backbone. Its a medical condition. Thats rather conveniently ignored and dismissed as its suit people to do so. And at the same time, women requesting ELCS are also vilified for doing so. A lot of women aren't to that extreme but it doesn't make their anxiety any less of an issue in childbirth.

Not to mention you can't just pay for it in this country. Some people would love to. But they can't as the NHS means there isn't an alternative either. Private maternity services are all located in London.

I assure you, that given the choice, women WOULD choose. And then we would get a two tier system that so many people are so opposed to...

We can debate the 'whys and wherefores' forever but the fact is that we pay for it as tax payers and we simply can't afford it - however nice it would be. There is no money.

We can't afford not to, - surely!?

We can't afford not to look after out elderly, have enough doctors, have body scanners, special care baby units, operations without waiting months and 101 other things that come way beyond the husband being there hours and hours before the baby will be born when they could go home and they will get privacy in the delivery room, when they need it.
I was shocked yesterday to learn how bad someone has to be before they get a kidney transplant - I think that comes way ahead.

I take it you know the percentage of negligence claims that come from maternity and how much it adds up to then?

The elderly etc would get the care they need, if this issue was tackled better.

Thats the bitterest irony.

Way ahead of risking the kidney/heart/brain of a newborn?

And I know more than I shoukd about kidney transplants.

At my local hospital (major city), over 70 percent of admissions at weekends to A&E are drunks. With alcohol related injuries.

They get treated for free. FOR FREE. That's the cost of ambulance pick up, triage, treatment, x ray if needed, stitching/casting, scans for head injuries, admission and ward/nursing care if needed.

Let me spell this out. A woman wanting her partner and father of the child to be near here during labour is competing with THAT cost, not care of the elderly, or kidney care.

It is woman hating nonsense to ignore the holistic costs of general healthcare and grub around for the most tabloid worthy headline to beat them with. On these terms, any woman who asked for more than the most basic maternity package (left alone during labour in a hospital birth, no epidural or gas and air because they cost money, dontcha know) is a selfish bitch - cos somewhere in the NHS is a little baby in incubator being poorly, and DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S YOU SELFISH WOMEN AND YOUR DEMANDS FOR ADEQUATE HUMAN CARE THAT IS TAKING MONEY AWAY FROM THAT BABY???

More thought, less tabloid reading and just a dash of compassion will get us a long way ladies.

why are you emphasizing marriage and right way
marital status has no bearing upon clinical decisions made
I do hope your daughter is well and labour progresses safely

Get over yourselves. There is no need for every woman in the early stages of labour to be accompanied by her partner until she is in the labour ward. If someone is mentally ill, then it will be (and already is) picked up during during the antenatal process and dealt with accordingly. It is not something to be self diagnosed by Jo Public with access to Google. Yes, there will be women who slip through net, that's what happens when something is as unaffordable as the NHS is stretched to breaking point.

The NHS is not a right, it's a gift.

But fishy. Its not.

Thats the entire point. And no woman really knows how she's going to cope in childbirth until she's actually in childbirth.

Its not a gift. Its something I pay for actually.

Well I for one couldn't afford any thing better than the NHS so I will just stick with that for now thanks.

OP. How exciting. Your daughter is going to have a baby very soon. Good luck to her, I hope everything goes well.

Please don't blame the hospital for not allowing male partners (married or otherwise) to not stay during the early stages of labour. It is for the dignity of all the women on the ward.

If your daughter's labour progresses sufficiently that they think she needs to move to the delivery suite, then her Dh will be called. In the meantime, the best thing he can do to help her is to get some sleep to help her through the next few days.

If someone doesn't how they'll react during labour, all the more reason not to have strange men wandering around whilst you try to work how you're going to cope. People's perception of pain has changed dramatically over the last 5 decades. It's not that they can't cope, more that they don't want to. That in itself is not a good enough reason to allow strange men to remain on a ward with 4, 6 or 10 women who are in the early stages of labour. I spent 6 hours pacing the ward trying to get my DD's head to engage whilst repeating over and over again that this was a good pain. It's not something my DH could've helped with and it was pretty undignified. The saving grace was the fact that we were all going through same thing and could discuss how grateful we were that the consultant had small hands

The NHS is a gift, you contribute to its running costs but believe me you don't "pay for it". Precisely the same operation here for free cost me my boss $15,000 in the States and €2,500 in France.

Sorry OP, we've digressed somewhat. I hope all goes well for your family.

Christ, I'd hate to be stuck on a ward in labour with some strange woman pacing up and down for 6 hours repeating 'this is a good pain'.

There is a particular kind of woman who thinks they had it hard so everyone else should too. Strangely punitive, and not a sound basis for healthcare decisions. Obvs.

Fishybits I can honestly say, fair play to you but you really have no idea whatsoever what you are talking about. Fortunately there are at least a few doctors and researchers out there that do, but not nearly enough.

Don't want to cope!?

That doesn't make any sense, although I agree our culture makes it less likely for us to know HOW to, which is where we come full circle really.