Partner wont let me choose how I give birth

[eralch]

Just want to have a moan really.
Went to see my consultant this week and due to a severe needle phobia I have refused all pain killers, so she suggested hydrotherapy or water birth.

I quite liked the idea since a bath has always helped my back ache.
Upon asking my partner what he thought of it he immediatly jumped on the internt and looked up every BAD thing about water birth.
Focusing on "pooing in the water" I was then TOLD by him, I am having the baby on a bed, with only gas and air and if there were complications I would be having a c section.
I jumped straight back and said Its my body the baby is coming out of I want a water birth so deal with it.
He replied with, I wont be able to be in there with you with you pooing in the water.
I told him fine my mum would be my birth partner.
A huge arguement ensued, I walked out and ended up at my mums, 45 mins away.

All the way through my pregnancy I have kept my mouth shut and gone along with all the things he has said and now im standing up for myself he doesnt like it.
I am undergoing councilling, CBT, under a phyciatrist, on anti depressants and signed off work. This is all for my low selfestime and confidence issues.
I was doing really well until he started telling me how to have the baby.
He says he wants us to go through it together but he doesnt seem to understand that its me and my body that have to go through everything.
As im signed off, he wont even let me out while he is at work so no chance of getting my body in shape ready for labour, and thats another thing! Once the baby is born I have to go back down from a size 18 to a size 10 again ASAP!!!!
Sorry for a the rant but I needed to get it out.

Any advice on my predicament would be helpful. Also your expierances during labour would be great as this is my first time, due in March.

He won't let you out when he's at work? Are you still at your mum's?

Does he have any good points?

Sounds like some other huge issues are going on!

You are expected to lose weight ASAP afterwards, does he own you?

Christ on a Bike

WTF are you doing with this arsehole?

Yes I know and he doesnt like it cos im getting back to "normal"
My mum is really helping me deal with things.
He knows if he doesnt change he will lose me and little 1, just want to know when he will

I agree with Reality. He's abusing you! Who the fuck does he think he is FFS! He WON'T LET YOU give birth how you want! He WON'T LET YOU OUT when he's at work! Love he's a controlling fucker. You're at your mum's now/ Stay there! Don't go back to this piece of shit, he's controlling you.

DonI second Women's Aid. It is not his decision how you gig birth and it looks like it is the tip of the iceberg re you relationshiP. I don't want to be part of the leave him brigade but it does not look good.

i think not letting you out qualifies as an actual crime, you know. and your partner has no say whatsoever in how you give birth.
go and stay with your mother. bring all of your stuff.

Oh just leave him.

Ffs you don't need to put up with this shit.

90% of the time he is lovely
he kicks off cos im not out earning money

Stay at your Mum's house please! You must take this opportunity, please don't go back to him, he sounds dreadful.

God, you poor thing. Does he actually lock you in or does he dictate what you must and must not do?

You need to stay with your mum, my love.

What Reality said...this is really serious. You're not just having a moan. You need to seek more serious and focused support. Hope your Mum is supportive!

I have two children first one was water birth and second was on a bed...standing over it so not exactly in it and with neither is whether you're pooing or not something you care about and nor should that be focus of DP...you are having his child!!

Good Luck.

No, he kicks off because he's an abusive, weeny ducked, ARSeHOLe who gets his jollies abusing you and imprisoning you.

Get the fuck out before you bring a child into this shit.

He's not lovely 90% of the time if he's controlling your every move.

He's a fucking prick 100% of the time and you need to open your eyes and leave him before you bring a child into his fucked up little world.

Weeny dicked

It is not up to him to chose how you give birth, so if he wants to offer his "opinion" then fine, but it is not down to him and i agree with the previous poster him not letting you out of the house is a big red flag. What is with that? why does he say you cant go out?? that is not normal :(
As for the pooing in the water thing, giving birth is not exactly glamouros and that is not restricted to water births anyway. you need your partner to be supportive not thinking 'omg you look like crap' while he focuses on poo, wee, blood, puke & whatever else instead of worrying about your wellbeing.
i would speak to your midwife that you want a waterbirth but dp not keen, and see what they say?
good luck i hope your birth goes well & your dp does sort himself out, he is really in the wrong here

Im not locked in, my ex hubby did that and the army welfare had to come and let me out of the house.

I have keys and a car but im scared of going against him as I "waste petrol" Im only allowed to see my mum when she pays for the petrol, even tho she pays our gas bill and sends money to buy food.

90% of the time is not enough. Neither is 99%. He is only lovely if you are obeying him.

FWIW I had a waterbirth 3 months ago (2nd baby) and it was a great experience. I didn't poo in the water either!

He sounds like he is controlling you, it will, I'm afraid only get worse when the baby comes. Go to your mum's at stay there. Be strong.