So - those of you who DIDN'T have an epidural

[Cleofartra]

.... and are OK about not having had one, and don't feel cheated or traumatised, what do you think made it possible for you to cope without one?

Given the comments on the other thread about giving birth being similar to the pain of a catastrophic injury or having surgery without anaesthesia, women who haven't given birth might be surprised that ANYONE manages without an epidural and comes out the other side with their mental health intact.

So - what made it possible for you to do without an epidural and feel ok about it afterwards?

Short, uncomplicated labour?

High pain thresh-hold?

Good care?

Other pain relief worked well for you?

I had a spinal block in the end as I needed an emcs. But I was in labour for 2 days and pushed for 6 hours before this was administered.

I didn't have an epidural or any other pain relief up to that point as I was at home and absolutely determined not to. I was having that baby naturally and without drugs.

Looking back I was a twat. Because nothing was right, no gap between contractions, had a PROM, contractions had no peak and were 2.5-3 minutes long throughout and excruciating. Turned out dd was in deep transverse arrest.

I have ptsd. Why the hell I didn't go to the hospital sooner and admit that needing help didn't make me a failure I don't know. But the memory of the excruciating pain is NOT worth it.

So how did I cope? I didn't. I endured it.

And btw, I have no problem at all with people who had 'easy' manageable labours. Ooopsadaisy you say it's 'easy to hate you' for your births but no it's not. I'm pleased for you. Just don't say that 'labour isn't painful'. What you mean is your labours weren't painful.

I also think DH was more confident the second time around and kept me more focused and less fearful.

Interesting information about pain thresholds VH. I do think that attitude and outlook count for a lot when it comes to the ability to endure physical hardship. Athletes who take part in endurance events, like ultra-marathons and other extreme competitions know this and do a lot of mental as well as physical training.

My experience of extreme exercise is limited (actually any exercise ) but I do remember a cycling holiday in my 20's in the South of France, where it could take 4 hours to get to the top of a mountain, crawling up in first gear, legs and lungs burning. At times it felt like absolute torture and all you could do was focus on the ten yards of road ahead of you.....

I didn't have one either time. First labour was pretty standard at about 18 hours from start of pain until delivery. The first 10 hours I did at home just with a tens machine and breathing through it. I have had horrific indigestion in the past which was similar tbh so was fine alone (let DH sleep as there was nothing he could do). In hospital I had gas and air with the tens. It was painful of course but not unbearably so. I just went into myself really to get through it. DH said I was completely silent. I barely remember it tbh. I hated the feeling of transition as I didn't like the lack of control and the weird feeling that the baby was about to drop out!

Second time was at home and very fast so it did get painful very quickly but he was out an hour after the pain got very bad so I coped fine (apart from the shock!).

I think I have a high pain threshold but I also am not afraid of pain. I prefer pain to feeling sick or dizzy or whatever as I can control the pain to an extent.

I didn't want an epidural as I was too worried about something going wrong and having long term implications. I knew the labour would end so just concentrated on getting through it.

All 3 of my deliveries have been drug free.

1st DC I was 16 years old, had been in labour for over 30 hours when I was offered an epidural, I told them I didn't want one as it would hurt!

2nd I was induced by ARM and monitered throughout, so had to stay on the bed, which I hated, I like to move aboutin labour and just follow my instinct. Luckily it was only 2 1/2 hours long.

3rd time I was begging for an epidural as I couldn't cope with the pain, turns out I was at 10cms and Ds was born 12 mins later!

I think I'm lucky in the fact my body works pretty much textbook when it comes to labour and delivery, I cope by listening to my body and just going with it IYGWIM, I tend to zone out completely and just get through one contraction at a time!

Absolutely cleo.

Although this was the first time I'd heard this from the medical experts, it kind of rang true anyway, because the physical sensation of pain is likely to be pretty similar person to person - after all, it's a physical thing. How we respond, is a different matter.

I've also never understood this whole 'high' or 'low' pain threshold thing anyway. I mean, how do any of us know how what we are experiencing compares with someone else? I never thought of myself as having a particularly 'high' pain threshold, but I gave birth first time without drugs. I would imagine the natural tendency is for a lot of women to 'rewrite' the script after giving birth, anyway - ie if you feel you have a low pain threshold, but give birth without pain relief, you are probably then likely to think 'Oh I must have a high pain threshold after all!' - it doesn't bear any relationship to what you actually felt, just what you believe you ought to feel, IYSWIM

"I have ptsd. Why the hell I didn't go to the hospital sooner and admit that needing help didn't make me a failure I don't know. But the memory of the excruciating pain is NOT worth it.

So how did I cope? I didn't. I endured it. "

But there are many other women who endure days of difficult labour at home who go on to have a straightforward birth - which is why they opt for a homebirth in the first place and why they stick it out as long as possible. To give themselves and their baby the best chance of a straightforward birth without complications. I was at home with a non-progressing labour for a long time. Stuck overnight at 8 cm with no progress. I transferred in and was lucky enough to have a normal delivery. You weren't so lucky.

You're being hard on yourself, and I wonder if that's part of what makes your memories of the birth so difficult - as well as the pain you suffered. You made the best decision you could make at the time. That's all any of us can do.

I had gas and air, couldn't have an epidural due to spine problem, labour was 24 hours and a forceps delivery. Baby 4.2 Kg
Was a long labour and it hurt but got through better than DH who looked traumatised to say the least!
Thanks to the help midwife who just 'popped in' on a change of shift I didn't have a c-section.

I had gas and air from when the MW broke my waters, although had ventouse delivery in the end because my contractions stopped.

I spent most of my labour rotating on a ball, leaning my elbows on the bed and breathing, breathing, breathing. I suffer from cluster headaches and had got to practice the breathing I learned at prenatal yoga A LOT when I was 7 months pregnant to get through an episode of CH because I couldn't take the usual medication.

Labour did hurt but, as a CH sufferer, I would also say I have had worse headaches.

i had dd1 with gas and air, dd2 nothing , i felt i coped OK without an epidural and didn't really expect one. For dd2 I was at home anyway.

dd1 was a long labour, very stop-start, in the end i needed a hormone drip to speed things up. It was painful but bearable. dd2 was quicker, around 10 hours in total. i kept upright for both births as much as i could, which kind of helped me get through the contractions a bit better.

Transition was the hardest bit of both births, i kind of lost it for a little while but dh was very supportive and helped me through it, the midwives were good too. In particular the midwife for dd2 was great and helped me control my breathing when i was getting a bit panicky about the pain of transition. Once transition was done it was much easier and i didn't find pushing particularly painful as I was focusing so much on the pushing I think.

No, I knew things weren't right Cleofartra and I refused to listen to my excellent midwives. It took a very stern talking to in order for me to transfer. I should not have pushed for 6 hours. The first stage wasn't the problem. DD wasn't descending, her head had marked caput and she was stuck at the spines. The contractions were not normal and despite good pushing, they could feel that she wasn't moving down the birth canal at all. I made the decisions I did not based on what was actually happening but out of fear that I was 'failing'. Because I thought I'd be judged for needing help, I thought I would be told I hadn't tried hard enough. I thought I was giving in.

ShowOfHands

Are you an 'achiever' in life generally?

Maybe being a bit of an 'under-achiever' is helpful when it comes to childbirth: we're more accepting if things go wrong and seem out of our control. (always looking for ways of putting a good spin on me being seriously inept in so many areas......)

I am not an achiever in that I don't necessarily strive for things as a matter of course but I never, ever like to fail if I set my mind to something. I have problems with loss of control and comparing myself to this image of what should be. The problem was accepting that it wasn't something I could control. When people say things like 'your body knows what to do' or 'women are designed to give birth' I always think well I must be defective then. And it's not like any other situation where I could adapt or change or learn. At the most basic level as a woman, I failed.

With first birth I did ask for some pain relief but was told by midwife that I was doing fine. So just took her word for it.

With second birth I don't think I even asked as assumed I may get the same answer.

Both births were pretty quick and straight forward. Was never offered Gas and Air so missed out on that also.

Both children were born in the same small hospital in Italy. I am sure someone told me that if you wanted a epidural you had to book it in advance.

An epidural would have been a last resort for me, the whole idea of a needle in my spinal cord and the risk ( however small) of problems put me off the idea. I have a fear of being out of control and if I as paralysed from the waist down I would have hated it.
I was Terribly ignorant of the pain of labour before I went through it. I thought because women had done it without pain relief for centuries that it couldn't be that bad and all the screaming was modern women making a big fuss over nothing! How wrong I was.
I would liken the pain to being crushed in a vice and all your organs falling out!
Saying that, I was induced via a drip (baby in distress) had to lie flat on my back for the whole labour (3.5 hours) and ended up having an episiotomy and forceps delivery all with just gas and air so I don't think I did too badly.
If I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn't have done anything differently.

it is so random though

the pain i felt in labour with dd was exactly the same as with ds

with dd i did everything 'right', moving around, not being on my back etc etc, but still needed an epidural and eventually an attempt at forceps, then finally an emCS to get her out

with ds i did everything 'wrong' - lay on my back/side, immobile with fetal monitoring thingy attached (apparently giveing no readings to indicate i was having contractions though ), breathing through the pain, dilated like billy-o, waters broke, and maybe 6 pushes and he flew out

i know people say that you can be well prepared for labour and birth, and that this can help, but i think there is also a strong element of it being a total luck of the draw

it really took ds's birth for me to totally make peace with dd's birth, and not feel as though i failed - if he could be born naturally almost despite my lack of effort, my 'failure' with dd was probably also not really down to me not trying hard enough

does this make sense?

i wish i could go back in time to her birth and just be kinder to myself, and not feel as though i let her or myself or anyone else down

Having had a dreadful first labour I was so scared of going to the hospital that I stayed at home. My contractions started and I spent the evening and night doing my own thing and then early morning got in the bath and spent 6/7 hours there which was lovely.

At no point was the pain anything like the pain I experienced with a drip induction for DC1, despite the fact that I had an epidural that time.

After about 16 hours I felt a bit weird (scared and tearful) so we went to to the hospital where I was told I was fully dilated Ds arrived an hour and a half later.

I think the slow build up, my total rejection of the idea that the hospital would "help me" and a good dose of luck was what got me through

SOH that is such a sad way to view it, you, alng with the medical team safely delivered a new person into the world.
I really think we do ourselves no favours when we veiw how we birth as so vitally important - yes a VB is preferable and we should be informed and supported in childbirth so we get the best outcome we can, but really truly the best outcome is a healthy mum and a healthy baby. We are lucky the outcomes are good for women in the UK and we need to protect the services we have.

Every labour is different and everybody copes with pain differently. My birth plans have always said the same "I'll go with the flow and see how I feel - but no pethidine." (Due to mum hallucinating & watching my brother being born from the ceiling - it still freaks me out).

DC1 born after 19 hour labour. Used TENS from the start and had been contracting for 15 hours before going to hospital (was 7-8cm dilated) 2 hours later the pain suddenly increased and I asked for an epidural. An hour later the anaesthetist arrived very grumpy and curt. Started to put it in, I was contracting every 2 mins & found sitting still almost impossible, cue a stern telling off! Began to feel funny/panicky so anaesthetist said "right that's it I'm not doing this" and walked out! MW & DH said I wasn't being unreasonable or moving around too much. I totally freaked out and asked for Pethidine but then started to push so it was too late. DD was born an hour later with just G&A, once I got over the panic of no epidural I coped really well, and found it wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be.

DC2 was a much more painful birth but I felt much more relaxed and in control. Didn't last as long at home as contractions were every 3-4 mins after a couple of hours but was only 5cm dilated on arrival at hospital. Had high BP for a few weeks before this and this got worse during labour. Consultant wanted me to have epidural to lower BP. I def didn't want to go down that route again and my lovely supportive MW told me about other options and fielded the door as I felt I would probably give in if they spoke to me face to face. Managed to deliver with just G&A despite DS being back to back and having an arm deliver with his head Superman style! This was def much more painful but manageable. For me the after pains were much worse.

My first labour was about 20 hours and I had just gas and air. I will be honest I did hint at an epidural but was told I was only 4 cm and I could last a bit longer. She was right though, an hour later I was 10cm and ready to push. I pushed for about 15 mins and out came DD1. I was in the shower two hours later and home the next day. I didnt feel cheated though, i felt euphoric. I was so proud of myself and I DID cope.

With DD2 I started gettign contractions in the afternoon but was determined to put DD1 to bed first as I knew it would take a long time !! I found second time round so much easier as I knew what to expect. I finally got to the hospital at 9pm and se was born 2 hours later with only gas and air again. it didnt occur to me to ask for anything as I know I would be ok.

I do sometimes wonder why women prebook them I will be honest. if you need it partway through then hell, go for it, but personally I would at least rather try to go for it ?

Im now 19 weeks pg with number 3 and HOPING it will go even faster and I can do it with G&A again.

Re pethidine I think it just gets you so off your face that you don't care about the pain, although you still expereince it in all it's glory.

I had diamorphine - which I assume is the same and HATED it. I am being induced next week with DC4 and the only item on my birth plan is that if you try to give me pethidine I will kill you (it is slightly more gently worded!)

"We are lucky the outcomes are good for women in the UK and we need to protect the services we have".

I so agree with you!

First birth long and complicated... had an epidural after 20 hours and it was a blessed relief and enabled me to keep working, and I did continue working hard for another 10 hours

Second birth, 3 hours - no real pain (just in transition which was over quickly)so didn't need an epidural or any other pain relief.

Not sure I can take credit for either experiences... second birth was more 'lovely' but I am probably more 'proud' of getting through first birth.

the outcomes in the Uk could be much better though.

I didn't have an epidural for 2 reasons:
1 the pain never got that bad for whatever reason - staying upright, staying mobile, whatever. DD was back to back but I just never lay on my back or sat leaning back and she turned while I was pushing. I mean, it bloody hurt but it was never excruciating and of course if it had been that might have made a difference.
2 I had been told all through pregnancy, I mean everything I'd ever read about labour or learned at classes said that epidurals mess up labour and in general you're better off giving it a go without and seeing how it goes. So I didn't rule it out but I basically didn't want one because of the sheer number of stories I'd taken in about things being messed up after having an epidural, not being able to move around, etc. Even if it's not cause-and-effect, it made me very anti.