8 year old anxiety - don't know where to turn

[alwaysscared]

My 8 year old DS is extremely anxious at the moment. He has been out of school since May and has been having a tutor twice a week. He is on the waiting list for CAHMS and also in the pathway for assessment of ADD and ASD.
His anxiety has massively increased these past few days. He had a panic attack on the park a couple of days ago and has been having them regularly every day, and not sleeping until 1am at night due to anxiety.
What do I do? Where do I turn? I have ring the CAHMS emergency line and they are getting back to me today but have already told me that he will be on the waiting list for a long time.
I suffer with bad mental health myself (so of course I am blaming myself) but am completely out of my depth with this.
He won't leave the house, and even the thought of it sets off a panic attack.
What can I do??

Bump

My dd was like this.

I used to let her sleep with me. I tried to soothe her and calm her down. The things that worked the best we’re playing with her hair and stroking her nose. They seemed to send her into a trance like state.

I also had a friend who was a hypnotist and that seemed to help.

I would contact your school nurse team, we had similar with DS and they gave him strategies to cope really well x

Thanks. He is on the list for school nurse and doctor so it's a waiting game.
Got an emergency GP appointment for today, don't know what they can do but it's something

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow
He has been sleeping with me and I've been trying the hair, forehead and nose stroke and it's not working
How did you get through it?
I'm at my wits end

Hypnosis is a good short term fix. Where are you?

I was at screaming point with it. I felt trapped in a corner by it all. Couldn’t do right for doing wrong. She’s 15 now and much better.

I’d maybe take him to A and E if he’s that bad and you can’t get hold of doc.

Op what is his current daily routine like.

I was thinking A&E last night but think it would just make him worse
His routine is all over the place since the anxiety and school refusal has started. I've tried to stick to a routine but it's really hard as he gets so anxious about all sorts of things

Have you tried getting him to describe what his ‘worry monster’ looks like?

The problem is he won't engage in any talk about his anxiety, it just seems to set him off again.
I'm glad your daughter is doing better @ArseInTheCoOpWindow
I fear we are in for a long road.
CAHMS weren't very helpful, and the docs just said they will write to CAHMS

I found calling the crisis team every time DS was in crisis or going to A&E when necessary helped. At the very least they advised on how to handle certain situations and sometimes it got DS seen quicker.'

Have you applied for an EHCP? MH therapies can be included in EHCPs. Is the tutor via the LA's medical needs tuition service? If so, if DS is able to cope with more than twice a week the LA should be providing more tuition.

@1jumpforward2back I will just keep ringing them, I think A&E as well if it just keeps getting worse, at least he might be able to see a paediatrician that way.
We will be applying for EHCP when (if) he starts his new school in September (we have found a small local school that is like a bridge between a mainstream and special school)
To be honest he struggles with just the two sessions as his anxiety goes into overdrive when the tutor is here. Him being an older guy who is secondary trained and a bit boring doesn't help

Can you afford private counselling?

Do you know if anything is triggering his anxiety op? Any recent traumas or worries ?

Would a story book type thing about anxiety help him to talk about things a bit more? Get his worries out of his head? There's lots of books of this type depending on the age.

To help my DS (6) get off to sleep when he's worked up / overtired, I massage his temples and/or massage his legs. Gentle pressure on his calves, thighs and bottom of feet puts him right out and the temple thing works wonders too.

Also, have you heard of the Moshi app? It's a little pricey to access the whole thing, but there is a free story on there about a koala called Sleepypaws. I think it's also on YouTube and Spotify.

It might be a bit 'babyish' but it's very soothing. It's just put my DS right to sleep but I usually have to play it twice

All the best x

I realise your post didn't ask specifically about sleep, but just wondered if helping him to sleep better might help things overall x

Now, next and then descriptions of his day will make him feel a lot more 'anchored'.

If he has no clue what's going on from when he gets up, which will unsettle him bigtime, then try now it's get washed, next get dressed, then breakfast.

while he's eating his breakfast, it'll be now it's breakfast, next is helping Mummy tidy up and then we can do a fun game/activity.

It takes a while to get yourself organised enough to calmly organise him, but do try and see if it helps.

There's no magic bullet, try all the tips people give you and find what works for you.

You'll know what works because his anxiety will lessen and any behaviours driven by the anxiety will lessen too. It's a long learning curve for you, but you CAN do it {smile]

Alwayscared mine wouldn’t engage either. It was awful and all part of the whole thing. God it was a nightmare.

It just took lots of sympathy and understanding from us. As she got older it receded a bit, but l spent many nights stroking her to calm her down,

We used to ask her what was the worst thing she could imagine. And what was the likelihood of it happening. Identifying and naming the fear helped.

I've got a 14 year old DS with asd who went mute and anxious in last lockdown and still remains that way. We have just got ehcp and hoping that will bring support from next school year, worth trying for that though its taken us 3 years to get one. The asd assessment he couldn't manage and 2 year wait but again worth trying but doesn't bring help with it. Cahms here never get to end of list so if can afford it best to go private if he is OK with counsellors mine isn't.

He loves 4 foot teddies and at that age would sleep with them. Mine also used to have a Teddy he took everywhere at that age. We are trying to get him out a bit, it's very hard. What we have managed is hairdressers ladies, asking him to get 1 item from shop, a drive thru safari, canoeing. Tonight he tried a funfair but couldn't manage it. When he was 8 he would also go swimming with me. Any contact with friends encourage.

Also if you can get him to chat to you and see if you can find out what is worrying him. Hope it gets better for you both.

Thank you all so much with your suggestions, I really appreciate them. I will be trying them all.
I'm so bad at giving him a routine, I let him have way too much screen time because that is when he is at his calmest. I know that a lot of this is probably my fault so I think I need to have a look at myself and try and be a better mum
Lockdown has definitely brought this on, but I think it's probably been brewing for a good few years

I do think sleep is a big thing. If he slept better I think he would feel better

Rescue remedy sleep is excellent. Safe for children too. Our GP also gave us Phenerghan to help.

Rescue Remedy Night Spray - Flower Essences For A Natural Night's Sleep, 20 ml www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001EIQ5FQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_Z7XPMNCDNHZ591Q2S5M6?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Healios have an app that engages young ones with cbt type activities. My son is getting cbt from camhs but it’s a slow process. Know how you feel and sending hugs, my boy is the same and it’s so hard, but please don’t blame yourself x x

The app helps my son as he struggles to talk about things too x