8 year old anxiety - don't know where to turn

[alwaysscared]

My 8 year old DS is extremely anxious at the moment. He has been out of school since May and has been having a tutor twice a week. He is on the waiting list for CAHMS and also in the pathway for assessment of ADD and ASD.
His anxiety has massively increased these past few days. He had a panic attack on the park a couple of days ago and has been having them regularly every day, and not sleeping until 1am at night due to anxiety.
What do I do? Where do I turn? I have ring the CAHMS emergency line and they are getting back to me today but have already told me that he will be on the waiting list for a long time.
I suffer with bad mental health myself (so of course I am blaming myself) but am completely out of my depth with this.
He won't leave the house, and even the thought of it sets off a panic attack.
What can I do??

Don't wait to apply for an EHCNA, apply now. If the tutor isn't experienced in teaching primary pupils the provision isn't suitable. Ask the LA to change the tutor, although you would have to weigh up the distress of changing teacher with the benefits.

If you do pay privately, an indirect type of therapy (e.g. play, art, Lego, equine therapy) may be best. That way there is a focus on doing something rather than solely talking.

Nightimes are particularly difficult for DS1. Some of the things we have tried are various lighting, dream pad pillow, ear plugs, a 2 way monitor, brushing, worry book, tents, doodle book/pillowcase, music, white noise, various apps, weighted blanket, audiobooks, teddy, relaxation, an adapted version of gradual retreat, medication. Going against sleep hygiene advice I tried letting him watch a film in bed, and even considered bribery but decided if he thought he had failed it could do more harm.

Last night we listened to Minecraft calm music which seemed to help but today he won't leave his bedroom, he's just getting worse and worse

I'm so worried for him, he looks so pale and sad

Call emergency services or crisis team. It’s the quickest way to get help. Do you have a number for them?

With my DS with ASD he can be better being told the plans for that week / next week in advance. He finds animals very calming and we have a cat, 2 silkie chickens and indoor rabbits and atm he's very anxious about going out following lockdown but he spends a lot of time with the chickens, cat and rabbit, appreciate a pet may not be an option though.

I think a lot is lockdown so please don't blame yourself. Obviously if you can improve your anxiety that would be good but be kind to yourself and just do what you can. Progress may be very slow but any progress helps. When we first got DS out again it was a ride in the car (to a safari park) but any ride would do and that just gets him out of the front door but he feels safe as he's in a car. I don't restrict his ipad / TV (he sleeps fine at night) as it makes him relaxed but I try to add in activities. Mine regressed so much last lockdown and when I have spoken to senco they said it is really common and they are overwhelmed atm. I hope you can get some help as well.

I have a number for crisis team but when I called them the other day they said that I needed duty not crisis!
He's had a good laugh with DH for an hr this afternoon which was nice to hear.
So sorry to hear other kids are struggling, it's so hard on them 😞

Has DS had any blood tests, especially Vit D and B12? Would he take a multivitamin?

He had all his bloods taken, and takes a chewable vitamin everyday
He is still bad, and I'm really struggling with it, I don't know how to help him

I think you need to phone your doctor tomorrow and tell them how bad it is.

Can you give him phenergen tonight so he can sleep and then straight to a&e tomorrow

So sorry

Can you try melatonin for him?

What is phenergen? He fell asleep finally at 1am but is still very anxious today. I'm not sure how he would cope in A&E to be honest, he hasn't left the house since Weds 😞

But this sounds like an emergency, call your gp or the crisis team.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow I have spoken to our family support worker who has given me some good tips.
I have the CAHMS crisis team ringing me back today so fingers crossed
I'm interested in the pheneregan, what is this used for? For calming them down?

It’s an antihistamine that makes you drowsy.

Sominex is the adult version. I think you can buy phenergen syrup or you could ask your gp.

Hey it's an anti histamine for travel sickness or an allergic reaction is basically what it's licensed for in kids
Go to the chemist say your son is being sick in the car and you want some phenergen. Give it to him this eve and he will sleep tonight,

Can you ask him if he wants a bath? I do this with my son when he is in pieces. He can display some of the behaviours but not all that you have explained.

Xxxxx sending you so much love I wish I could help to take your worries away

@cultkid great, thanks. He also has a fear that he will be sick when he has a panic attack so this might work for that too
He has a bath some nights, sometimes he's really chill in the bath and sometimes it increases his anxiety.
It's so hard, he's anxious again now and I just feel so useless

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow
I'm going to phone the docs in the morning, try and get an appointment with his actual GP that knows him well

He gets anxious when he is hungry, anxious when he is full. He is scared of being sick which is my fault as I am emetophobic. I've tried to hide it from him but obviously not very well

First, is he on any medications. My dd was taking one for a medical condition and it turns out it was exacerbating her anxiety. As soon as her doctor’s figured that out, it got much better. It didn’t go away, but it improved massively.

Second, don’t feel bad about screen time. It’s likely a coping mechanism not a cause. We actually ended up breaking down and letting our child have a tv in her bedroom. We kept it on a timer so she couldn’t watch in the middle of the night without talking to us and restricted the content available, but having that as an option in a private space when she was stressed helped her avoid meltdowns.

We skipped the queue by just going private and paying out of pocket for evaluations and to get treatment started. It was horribly expensive and I know it’s just not an option for most. We were able to get an ASD and anxiety diagnosis though and it really helped, mostly in helping is understand what was happening.

Through the whole process the biggest thing I took from it is that parenting a kid with anxiety means you are going to have to make parenting choices that other parents are going to think are crazy. Don’t listen to them. Meet your child where he or she is. Be the parent your child needs.

@Micemakingclothes thank you for the understanding. The only meds he takes are antihistamines for hayfever. We have tried all sorts of different ones because they don't seem to work for him, he has constant mucus in his throat and this is one of the things that causes his anxiety. Been to ENT and they just gave us a nasal spray that DS will not entertain.
We are considering private but don't even know where to start!
It's just so sad because I see the kids on the park laughing and running around, and see posts on Facebook about kids going away or on day trips, and I know that we are nowhere near that

Try Phenergen on him see it it helps

So sorry he is so anxious

Not your fault at all that he is scared to be sick.

What about if you got him some fairy lights for his bedroom or maybe even a tv xx

@cultkid he has a tv, doesn't work except for with his switch though
He has liked to spend much more time on his own in his room recently and we are just worried that he is retreating into himself

Anti histamines are sometimes prescribed for anxiety too.

If l was paying I’d be looking for a pead or a psychologist/psychiatrist who worked with children. Whereabouts are you?

I really feel for you

We live in Derbyshire, I have been looking but really don't know where to start
I'm definitely going to talk to the doctors tomorrow about phenegren (or however you spell it!)

I paid to see an excellent pyschiatrist in Derbyshire….