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Help dd not going to sch, has GCSE’s this week

54 replies

Diamondt · 18/05/2021 09:36

Hi, I don’t know what to do. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

Any advise of how to try to get through the next few days of GCSE’s?
My dd’s anxiety & depression has became so bad she’s refusing to go to school (even out of the house tbh) She had her GCSE’s last week & week before and managed to go in and do a few but now refusing to go in this week.
Her last exam last week she nearly passed out & was crying. The invigilators ended up letting her do it outside of the classroom, their idea. This really helped. She is now panicking this will happen again but then won’t get help. Each day she feels sick, dizzy, generally ill. In the exams she says she can’t focus enough to do them as feeling like she’s going to pass out, keeps getting that rush feeling more or less constantly.

I don’t know what to do. She has 3.5 days left with 2 exams each day then that’s it. They have been able to rearrange the missed ones for this week but times running out. She’s missed this mornings one now too.

She says if she can be on her own she will try as she doesn’t feel as bad and can try to get through it. Being in a classroom is just exploding her feelings.
The invigilators said she can sit outside but that was to her not the sch. The sch are saying she has to go in the class room.

What can I do to help her? I do understand and have been in her situation many times before as I’m epileptic & know you can’t flip a switch for the nxt few days. It’s frustrating for us both as it’s 3.5 days then that’s it. She’s finished sch !

I said I know I’m asking a lot of her but I’m really worried about her exam results as she needs them for college. Just go in and take it step by step. You don’t know what they might be able to sort out when you’re there.

Pls be kind, I’m asking for help/advise. I am worried about her long term and we have things in place & in the pipeline.

OP posts:
PainterInPeril · 20/05/2021 20:38

@Diamondt You sound like a lovely mum! I'm so glad you're fighting your daughter's corner. It looks as though the bully situation might just get sorted. I hope so, you and your daughter have enough stress as it is.
And I agree with pp who said there are more important things than GCSEs. I'm sure your girl will find her feet and work something out for herself. She may even decide to start her own business one day....the world is her oyster!Smile

TeddingtonTrashbag · 20/05/2021 20:43

In my school we would absolutely accommodate this.
Do so hope your lovely DD gets the support she needs Flowers

TeenMinusTests · 22/05/2021 06:32

Diamond Hope Friday went OK.

DD just has 2 assessments to go, one on Friday 28 and one straight after half term which the school kindly let her delay. That is out of a grand total of 9 for 4 GCSEs sat this term. The absolute limit of what she can manage right now, but infinitely (and I mean that literally) more than she could have managed in March.

Diamondt · 22/05/2021 22:18

@PainterInPeril Ty, I’m trying my best, but like we all do, I can’t help feeling it’s all my fault that she feels the way she does. I feel like I’ve failed her. She shouldn’t feel like this xx
Re the bully, the bully found out that other girl (who was with her but is a neutral friend) is going to speak the truth & say she was there and the bully was shouting/provoking my dd first.
Dd wasn’t in on Friday but her bff told her she spoke the the girl who has completely back tracked saying she’s going to tell her mum to retract the complaint to the police. She said “We only have 1 week left, let’s have a nice week” hmmm don’t think she thought the neutral friend would say anything.

@TeenMinusTests she didn’t go in Friday, she couldn’t handle it. I think knowing that was the last day / chance added to the pressure.

That’s nice they have let her delay and great to hear she’s doing better than in March xxx I wish her lots of luck for the last 2 & sending hugs xxx

Ty @TeddingtonTrashbag she kind of is getting some help. We are all trying to be there for her and help her where we can.

She actually took the dog out for a walk with her bff the other day ! That was a big thing for her. I’m just praying leaving sch will lift some weight off and she will be more able to try and cope. She has all these plans for the holidays and is getting so stressed because she’s realising she probably won’t be able to do them.

I hope you are all having a good weekend, sending positive thoughts to you all xxxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
PainterInPeril · 22/05/2021 23:19

@Diamondt Just going down to sleep but wanted to say I understand how debilitating anxiety is. I've struggled with it all my life.

One suggestion I would like to pass on to your daughter is not to make too many plans. If she tries to takes one step at a time, she won't feel quite so overwhelmed. And I say this from experience!Grin

Hope you all sleep well tonight. Smile

Diamondt · 26/05/2021 16:32

@TeddingtonTrashbag @PainterInPeril @TeenMinusTests @RJnomore1
Confusing update

She hasn’t been in this week so far, possibly going in tomorrow and Friday morning, she finishes forever 11am Friday. The both of us cannot wait to have that sch out of our hair !

The confusing part is that she applied for a job cleaning at the hospital a while ago. Her dbs has just arrived and she starts possibly next week but in the canteen. It’s 3-4 hrs a day. Its Excellent she has got the job and she’s so excited.... I’m just worried as she will have to get 2 busses to and from here and then obviously do her shift. She can’t even go to our shops that are 2 roads away on her own...
My mum popped round yesterday and they took the pups out for a walk. But mum wanted to pop in the shop and dd stayed outside with the pups. Mum doesn’t understand how she is & has a “you just have to push yourself & get on with it” attitude.
I heard her on the phone last night telling her bff that she started to have a panic attack being left outside....

I think this will be excellent for her but when it comes to actually going in, I just don’t understand how she will be able to do it. She’s sooooo excited bless her, I really hope she can. I’m guessing I will probably bus with her the first few times, even if it’s just the one to town then meet her in town for the one home...

I’m so happy and excited for her but also confused and worried at the same time

OP posts:
Diamondt · 26/05/2021 16:37

Sorry to hear that @PainterInPeril.
When she’s all happy telling me all the things she wants to do over summer I don’t really say anything about her anxiety. But when she is down & talks about this ruining her summer holidays as she can’t do anything, then I say to take it one day at a time. As you said focus on one thing at a time x

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 26/05/2021 17:11

DD is confusing too. Confused

If it is animal based, she can do it, otherwise, not so much. The enjoyment of the animals sees her past the anxiety.

She want to go to prom. Next week therefore I have an appointment for her to get her dress fitted. So she'll have to go into a house, get changed etc. It will be really interesting to see if she can manage it.

lu9months · 26/05/2021 18:56

my 16 year old hasnt managed to do ANY of his gcse assessments - hes not been able to get into school all term due to anxiety and depression. im not panicking - hes done plenty of exams and coursework so will hopefully get some results, possibly enough to move forward to the next stage . im only worried about how he feels, and whether he will get back into education or not. sounds like your child has done well to get this far! its so hard for them ( and us)

lu9months · 26/05/2021 18:58

ps my sons not sure about prom/end of exam parties. very tough when theyve not been having the same experience as others

TeenMinusTests · 26/05/2021 19:11

tbh I think the most DD might possibly manage for prom is the outside mingling bit, so if she succeeds with that it will be a win (assuming it goes ahead of course).

lu I hope your DS's school manages to give some reasonable grades. I'm certainly viewing anything as a win after this year!

lu9months · 27/05/2021 09:05

Teenminustests indeed!

Diamondt · 27/05/2021 10:01

😱 SHE WENT TO SCHOOL !!! I was woken at 7.30am, went in to see her & she was getting ready for sch !! Her bff came to meet her. Last day is tomorrow.

@TeenMinusTests we have spoken about the prom but not bought a dress yet. She wants to wait till the last minute bless her. I hope your dd can go to hers. Even if it’s just to mingle outside xx

@lu9months oh bless him, sorry to hear he’s not been well enough to go in. I can’t believe how much this last yr & 1/2 has effected our children !
Yes hopefully they will take his health into account when grading xx

I’m going to tidy up her room while she’s at sch as it’s getting cluttered and dark. Be nice for her to come home to it being clear & tidy. I mean she’ll most likely go to bed and sleep but hopefully it will make a little difference. Xxx

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 27/05/2021 10:05

Diamond Great news. Grin

PainterInPeril · 27/05/2021 10:35

Yay! Well done! Smile

Diamondt · 28/05/2021 08:29

She came home exhausted bless her. Her bff came over about 5pm, had to wake her up, and the bff came down from her room at 6pm saying Dd keeps falling asleep so she’s going to leave her to sleep.

She’s up again this morning 🎉

No lessons, they only has 2 hrs at sch today so that’s prob why hehe
It’s mainly saying good bye, photos (?!? Social distancing?!?), shirt signing (to be put on the table, not worn)

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 28/05/2021 09:27

Having a major panic here. School have sent over a biology paper for DD to sit which bares no resemblance to the list of topics the head of science sent for her to revise....

Luckily plan isn't to sit it until 11am so some chance to get it sorted, DD upstairs, unaware.

Need to stay calm in front of DD and not let her know what's going on behind the scenes.

PainterInPeril · 28/05/2021 09:55

Oh no! That doesn't sound good! Can you phone school, would they be able to do something? Please don't panic though. Life throws googlies at us every now and then. Some balls you catch, some balls you don't. But life still goes on. Keep breathing! Sending a big hug Flowers

Sometimesfraught82 · 28/05/2021 09:58

Could you ask the school if you could be in the school reception during her exams
So she knows you’re there
Ready to collect her straight after

Sometimesfraught82 · 28/05/2021 09:59

This does sounds very very serious anxiety
Is she going to be able to go to college?

TeenMinusTests · 28/05/2021 09:59

Just calming down. Now have the 'correct' paper.

Actually not sure it is the correct paper, but it corresponds to the revision list we were given. (I think it is possible we were given the incorrect revision list, but that will be for school to sort).

And relax...

PainterInPeril · 28/05/2021 10:11

BrewCakeSmile

TeenMinusTests · 28/05/2021 10:44

Currently calming DD down and telling her she CAN do it, just give it a go, it doesn't matter if there's some she can't do etc etc.

It would be so much less stress to sit the thing myself!

PainterInPeril · 28/05/2021 10:56

Is she sitting it at home? Would a cup of decaf tea help her? All the best to both of you! Star

TeenMinusTests · 28/05/2021 11:10

Phoned DH. he helped. Caff coffee. Has sat down now to give it a go.
Will report back later!