Hi, first time poster. I'm really at my breaking point with my 10 year old, she disclosed sexual abuse by her grandfather when she was younger and we are currently going through a police investigation. Been to camhs after years of them fobbing us off while she tried and threatened to take her own life (she tried to jump out of her bedroom window at 5 and recently I caught her in her bedroom with a knife after she'd written goodbye notes to us all) and they've diagnosed ptsd complex trauma, anxiety and depression and attachment disorder, she also has 'quirks' such as eye contact, food issues, talking in an American accent, walking on tip toes, coordination problems (difficultly with using a knife and fork at the same time, bumping into things and a few other quirks. The main issue I'm having is her meltdowns, she is driving everyone away, I could cope to a point when she was lashing out at me kicking and hitting and swearing etc but it's tipped over onto grandparents (obviously other grandparents not the abusers she hasn't seen that side of family since disclosure) and friends who she's always loved. I've had to take her out of main stream school and am currently home schooling her as she couldn't cope at all and I was being called from work daily to get her. Her hormones are also raging, I know as she is growing boobs and hair and is greasy and spotty but her attitude is just awful and I can't speak to her without being called a bitch or hit out at. She doesn't qualify for counselling yet until police have done their investigation so no help and we are waiting to go back to camhs, they put her on rispiridone but she was really ill with it so I've had to stop. I don't know how to help her anymore and how to keep going. She's nearly at her 10th birthday and she's spent most of her life so unhappy I just want her to be happy and to be a child while she can, it's almost like she sabotage feeling good, like she can't allow herself to be happy, I know from her outbursts she feels like her abuser saw something rotten in her and knew she was bad and thats why he did it but I can't get through to her that that's really not true, she hates herself and it seems like she is determined to be alone but also sad that she's lonely. I caught her tablet search history and it was how to not be a freak, how to make friends and asking Google to be her friend(she did this when she figured out the code normally she can't access Internet, code has been changed) .I don't know what to do.