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Caring for elderly relatives? Supercarers can help

Original poster

Husband wants to use some of the DLA money for his own needs!

57 replies

elenna55 · 22/07/2025 14:34

My husband told me today that I need to give him £100 from DLA that I receive for my son and I spend on him - special diet food, clothing, school uniform, school days out, his supplements, his days out, extra curriculum activities and anything extra (just as it says on DLA what to use money for). I explained to my husband that this money is NOT carers allowance (I look after my son 80% of the time, I take him to doctor, dentist, do everything related to school, cook, taking him out, organising playdates etc.) and now he decided that he wants a piece of this money which is NOT his, I suggested him that we should rather put extra money that is left each month to our son's saving account, but he didn't like the idea.

I just feel he is being greedy, obnoxious and not acting in the best interest of our child.

What would you do? Should I seek any legal advice? Our marriage is very shaky and unstable as well. His thinking and actions are making me sick.

He also doesn't contribute financially for his son at all. Barely contributes for the bills. Just basics like water, electricity, Internet etc.

OP posts:
Yellowbirdcage · 22/07/2025 14:40

Well nobody is going to say you’re being unreasonable.
What would I do? I would leave.

Littlefish · 22/07/2025 14:40

Absolutely not. That’s money is specifically for your child.

Crikeyalmighty · 22/07/2025 14:45

What an absolute arse

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2025 14:47

Obviously not.

FamilyPhoto · 22/07/2025 14:48

No fucking way would he see a penny of it off me.

BeltaLodaLife · 22/07/2025 14:49

You do all the work for your kid, and you’re covering most of the household finances? Since you say that he barely contributes… so, what is the point of him?

Leave him. Obviously.

HelloHattie · 22/07/2025 14:50

Well no you don’t need to seek legal advice. Just say no.

Nchangeo · 22/07/2025 14:53

He’s your husband. So it depends. I have absolutely no idea about your financial situation from this post. So can’t say.

pikkumyy77 · 22/07/2025 14:56

You should just leave. He treats you badly and your disabled child like an income stream. Very dangerous and disgusting.

Arlanymor · 22/07/2025 14:56

I think you probably know the answer to have posted on here. I'm so sorry, he sounds like a rotter. I would seek legal advice. Well done for advocating for your child, you sound like a smashing mum.

Nearly50omg · 22/07/2025 14:58

What I’d do is chuck him out and get a divorce and claim child maintenance from him!

TeenagersAngst · 22/07/2025 15:00

Jesus. The more I read about men on here, the more I have to try really hard not to hate the entire species (my husband and son excluded, of course - and it is they that remind me daily that NAMALT).

You have my every sympathy, OP, you are clearly NBU and you need to ask yourself what he brings to the table. I hope you have some financial independence and can divorce his sorry arse.

tartyflette · 22/07/2025 15:02

YANBU at all but this is tricky. It would be lovely to report your DH if he did try to get his hands on some of your DS' money but could such action by you reboun on the amount of payments DS receives?
Of course I may be being over-cautious, but might it lead to investigations into your circumstances, and perhaps tar you with a similar brush?
I am not suggesting for a moment that you do anything other than the right thing by your boy, your love and care for him is very clear.

I wonder if it might be worth having a careful word with your DS's social worker or similar. They may well have seen this kind of behaviour before.

Ted27 · 22/07/2025 15:05

@tartyflette

Report him to whom? The only way he can get access to the DLA money is if she gives it to him
She is using it correctly.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 22/07/2025 15:09

What for? I mean, if you had shared household expenses and the household was running low then yes, the DLA could be considered part of that pot. As spending money for him when he doesn't contribute anything else? No.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/07/2025 15:09

Give him for what?

If there is money left over and you and your husband aren't eating as you have no money, then clearly your son needs alive healthy parents so that's ok. He also needs a warm home etc.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/07/2025 15:10

Nearly50omg · 22/07/2025 14:58

What I’d do is chuck him out and get a divorce and claim child maintenance from him!

Me too

Lafufufu · 22/07/2025 15:12

Nearly50omg · 22/07/2025 14:58

What I’d do is chuck him out and get a divorce and claim child maintenance from him!

Yep

JLou08 · 22/07/2025 15:12

You're still together and he doesn't contribute to the costs of bringing up his child? If so that's financial abuse even before you add in his disgusting request for some of the child's DLA.

Kibble19 · 22/07/2025 15:12

Can’t say much that hasn’t already been said. He’s treating your child like a cash cow.

Out of curiosity, if he takes his £100, does it leave you short for things you need to buy for your child?

pizzaHeart · 22/07/2025 15:13

tartyflette · 22/07/2025 15:02

YANBU at all but this is tricky. It would be lovely to report your DH if he did try to get his hands on some of your DS' money but could such action by you reboun on the amount of payments DS receives?
Of course I may be being over-cautious, but might it lead to investigations into your circumstances, and perhaps tar you with a similar brush?
I am not suggesting for a moment that you do anything other than the right thing by your boy, your love and care for him is very clear.

I wonder if it might be worth having a careful word with your DS's social worker or similar. They may well have seen this kind of behaviour before.

DLA is paid to cover additional expenses due to child’s disability. Obviously a child can’t manage money so designated parent manages them on child behalf. OP’s financial situation is nothing to do with this. She could be on a bread line or millionaire - the amount of DLA depends on child’s condition.
So no, if OP will raise the issue somewhere it won’t affect the awarded rates of DLA. And DWP won’t be interested in any disagreements between parents about how to spend DLA money.
However social worker is a good start for an advice how to deal with an abusive husband. Local carer of centre is another good place or a local parents group.

slightlydistrac · 22/07/2025 15:15

What an unpleasant man. My advice would be to not let him have a penny of that money, he is not entitled to any of it. Oh yes, and divorce him.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 22/07/2025 15:17

Nchangeo · 22/07/2025 14:53

He’s your husband. So it depends. I have absolutely no idea about your financial situation from this post. So can’t say.

This reads like an AI response to the extent that I can't see why you bothered to reply.

DLA is given to cover the additional costs of an individual's disability. That's it. It's not for anyone else to spend on themselves. It's got fuck all to do with their financial situation.

OnceIn · 22/07/2025 15:18

Tell him he can have the £100, but he has to pay for x, y and z for your child, make it all add up to £100 or slightly more

ThejoyofNC · 22/07/2025 15:20

What does he want the £100 for?
What is your financial situation?

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