Husband wants to use some of the DLA money for his own needs!

[elenna55]

My husband told me today that I need to give him £100 from DLA that I receive for my son and I spend on him - special diet food, clothing, school uniform, school days out, his supplements, his days out, extra curriculum activities and anything extra (just as it says on DLA what to use money for). I explained to my husband that this money is NOT carers allowance (I look after my son 80% of the time, I take him to doctor, dentist, do everything related to school, cook, taking him out, organising playdates etc.) and now he decided that he wants a piece of this money which is NOT his, I suggested him that we should rather put extra money that is left each month to our son's saving account, but he didn't like the idea.

I just feel he is being greedy, obnoxious and not acting in the best interest of our child.

What would you do? Should I seek any legal advice? Our marriage is very shaky and unstable as well. His thinking and actions are making me sick.

He also doesn't contribute financially for his son at all. Barely contributes for the bills. Just basics like water, electricity, Internet etc.

Using DLA for shared expenses is definitely a legitimate expense. It could be argued that using some sontje Carer gets a break (eg paying for a sitter) but not contributing to "jollies" for someone who isnt doing much!

He's completely unreasonable and you should tell him he's proposing you condone him stealing off a disabled child. Couldn't really get any lower.

Either he apologised profusely and promises never ever to mention it again or he packs his bags.

Why doesn't he have enough money of his own? It's not up to anyone else but him to fund his life.
What an absolute waste man.

He also doesn't contribute financially for his son at all. Barely contributes for the bills. Just basics like water, electricity, Internet etc.

My immediate response upon reading that was, "Get rid of him."

He's not only a cocklodger within your marriage, he's trying to spend your disabled child's money, as well.

Why are you still with this awful man?

Why are you with him? Its your sons money, end of the day him spending it on himself is fraud.

Exactly.

From what you’ve written, he sounds like an arsehole who brings nothing to your lives, but there is quite a lot of info missing from the op. Who is paying the mortgage and how? How much are you both working ooh? What does he want the money for?

You haven’t really given much info, do you share finances or have separate? Do you both have an income and work? Who owns the house?
He sounds unreasonable for not contributing more to the household bills but I don’t know either of your finances so I could be wrong.

It is easy for posters to say, kick him out, when he could be the one keeping a roof over the OP, and their Son's head. What is your housing situation OP, and what is going on, that your Husband is asking for a share of the DLA?

What does he want the money for ? If it is something that will benefit your child its not unreasonable if its something for his own selfish needs or wants then most definitely do not give him a penny that money is for your child no one else.

Absolutely not. It's for your son. I'd say to him that any left over DLA is saved for a rainy day i.e. accessible holidays/hotel rooms, respite care, more expensive kit etc.

That's what I keep saying to him. I much rather put this away in savings than give it to him. No to mention he already takes of half of my carer allowance, as it comes to joint account. His reasoning is he looks after him, which in fact he does but for around 3 hours a day maximum. I do all the main things though, take him to dentist, doctor appointments, make payments for after school club that he wants to attend, cook, do laundry and the rest. This man hasn't taken his son out, in 6 years on his own. The only time he would go is when I go as well ... and the reason being when our son would have a tantrum he would walk away and leave me with him. And he dares to demand money now ... wtf. I was completely shocked today

In what ways does he enrich your or your child’s lives?

we don't have a sitter. My mum visits us from time to time, she lives abroad, but she happily spends time with her grand kid. We do not have anyone else to come. Since I am with my son 80% time. I do pay more for energy ...I contribute more to joint account to cover heating and electricity anyway. So this is for his own expenses .... nothing to do with household. If he suggested to make some small home improvements that will be beneficial, I would definitely agree. But this is money for the child and is meant to be spent for the child

DLA is to meet the extra costs of disability so no your husband shouldn’t be spending it on anything else!

Exactly, I took my son on a holiday with my mum. And apparently it is only the thing I wanted to do for myself. According to my husband the child doesn't need anything, no holidays no extra curricular activities. Since he didn't. have anything in his childhood he believes that no child should enjoy this type of things.

He makes my life miserable. No way ... if I am honest. The only things is stopping me from divorcing is having unpleasant lengthy international divorce and battle for custody. As I am 100% sure he would want shared custody to make my life even more miserable.

exactly, he (being my husband) argues I don't spend all of it that we get on our son. Which I don't since I do watch spending, and I put it aside so we can enjoy a bit of summer holidays for example, so that he sees the world around him.

It is most definitely not to benefit the child. He expects things to appear magically at home, but he never asks himself where does the money come from for me to provide everything. I was saving to buy a bycicle for my son, but DH (not so dear) would not contribute a penny

We have shared mortgage so I could not be kicking him out. He also has anger management issues so I would not want to trigger that until I figure out my next steps and plan everything. If I tried to "kick him out" he would probably had anger outburst so I rather not engage with him and let him be and ignore him.

Because we have had a lot of threads like this recently. People asking money questions with a family/ moral theme and it has absolutely no details of their financial situation as a whole. That is pertinent to the answer. Money is numbers, it’s quite simple. If the numbers don’t add up then yes the DP might need some of the money. Whether that comes from OP or DLA or somewhere else is just mental gymnastics to what money is what IYSWIM.

Does he think you spend some of the money on yourself? So wants his ‘share’ as such?

YABU for not kicking the waste of space DH out already!

From your post I doubt he’d go for 50:50. Why is it international?

Perhaps he'd like to take your DS's disability too. Tell him no and protect your DS's money. Anything you don't use put in a bank account for your DS to save up for bigger things for him.

Do either of you work outside the home? What income does your DH have?