Mothers in a care home and I find out on Facebook

[JustHereLooking]

So background family argument many years ago my sister and I no longer talk only speak to my mother in passing and occasionally on the phone (mother took my sisters side) well I’ve just found out via a post on Facebook that my mother is in a care home. No one has thought to let me or my brother know. What I want to know is how do I find out who’s paying for her care? She owns her own home my dad made a will many years ago on when he and my mother die it was to be split 3 ways but my dad died 19 years ago. So is there any advice on how I make sure the house is paying for her care? I know what my sister is like and she wouldn’t have declared my mother owning property if she thought she’d loose out financially. Any advice welcomed.

Any decent care home will not divulge information over the phone to a stranger they don't know about one of their residents financial circumstances and arrangements. I understand you are upset but you are not going to come across as the rational member of the family if you attempt this.

Plus, if the council arranged the placement then home won't know what the council's arrangements with the family are regarding this anyway.

I doubt the care home will discuss this with you- they shouldn’t. Plus, as @hatgirl mentioned, they won’t necessarily know the details around finding.
Also, I’d imagine all have restricted visitation now.

I’d imagine your sister has secured enduring power of attorney and is acting on behalf of your mother in terms of working with the care home and banks/council.

Honestly, I get that families are complicated but I’ve experienced caring for a dementia patient at home and then trying to navigate the care home system. It’s a nightmare. It’s also very detailed so “hiding” a house isn’t really possible if your mother still owned it.

Like I said, I know that families are complicated and wounds run deep but it sounds like your sister has been left to care for your mother for several years now, and you’re trying to make things difficult for her.

When’s the last time you saw your mother? If it’s been quite a while, you may find that there’s a lot of stuff you’ve been lucky to miss.