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Caring for elderly relatives? Supercarers can help

Original poster

Mothers in a care home and I find out on Facebook

27 replies

JustHereLooking · 13/04/2020 22:56

So background family argument many years ago my sister and I no longer talk only speak to my mother in passing and occasionally on the phone (mother took my sisters side) well I’ve just found out via a post on Facebook that my mother is in a care home. No one has thought to let me or my brother know. What I want to know is how do I find out who’s paying for her care? She owns her own home my dad made a will many years ago on when he and my mother die it was to be split 3 ways but my dad died 19 years ago. So is there any advice on how I make sure the house is paying for her care? I know what my sister is like and she wouldn’t have declared my mother owning property if she thought she’d loose out financially. Any advice welcomed.

OP posts:
VodselForDinner · 13/04/2020 22:58

Surely your more pressing concern is to ensure your mother is ok?

Chances are, she’s probably changed her will anyway if you and she fell out “many years ago”.

Original poster
JustHereLooking · 13/04/2020 23:00

I’m not concerned about the will getting changed what I am concerned about is the house pays for her care. So she has the best care not a crappy run down dump

OP posts:
JustStayHome · 13/04/2020 23:01

More than likely The house will be paying for her care

Im sure, your out the will now anyway

Theres no way you can find out how the care is being paid for

Original poster
JustHereLooking · 13/04/2020 23:02

Oh and I must say I wasn’t very clear me and my sister fell out many years ago, I still talk to my mother not often I will admit but we do phone each other, but it was never the same relationship after she took my sisters side.

OP posts:
aladyofinderterminateage · 13/04/2020 23:04

You can't hide anything once you go into a care home. They go through all your finances with a fine toothed comb.
When my mother developed dementia all anybody was interested in was how much money/assets she had.
Anyway, surely you would just contact the care home and find out how she is and speak to the manager?

hatgirl · 13/04/2020 23:04

Does your mum still have mental capacity to manage her finances?

If not, who has financial power of attorney if your mum no longer has capacity to manage her finances?

If the answer to the above question is no-one then it may well be the council is paying for the care and has placed a charge against the property until either someone gets financial deputyship awarded by the court or she passes away, whichever comes first.

If you haven't spoken for many years, to the extent you can't answer any of the above questions, why do you care now?

granadagirl · 13/04/2020 23:07

Your entitled to go see her in the care home being her daughter.
Go and ask her yourself

Original poster
JustHereLooking · 13/04/2020 23:07

I’ve already tried phoning the care home to be honest only about an hour ago I found out. But I will be contacting them tomorrow morning. My main concern is she gets good care she does have dementia that the care homes specialises in which is good.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustHereLooking · 13/04/2020 23:15

@hatgirl
Thank you for your help, I do care of course I do I know she has dementia, as I have stated we don’t have a brilliant relationship like before the argument, but I think a house my dad put himself into an early grave for should get her Into a good care home.
@granadagirl
I will be going to visit her I’m more disgusted that no one bothered to tell either me or my brother.

OP posts:
Aveisenim · 13/04/2020 23:25

I had a similar experience with family, right down to NC with any of them except the person who went into the carehome. Your sister can abuse the system. My family rented out the house for my guardian and then pocketed the proceeds so the carehome never got the money. It eventually came out in the end and the house had to be sold to pay for the carehome and the person involved pleaded guilty of what they were charged with (it wasn't the only thing they were conning the system on).

So yes, get in contact with the carehome and check. However, if your mother is still compus mentus then she will have to give permission for them to speak to you I believe.

JustStayHome · 13/04/2020 23:30

Care homes have stopped visitors.

You wont be able to visit her at the moment

Original poster
JustHereLooking · 13/04/2020 23:30

@aveisenim thank you. I know we didn’t have a brilliant relationship but I think I deserved a phone call or a message at least. I know for a fact my sister is fiddling the system this is what she always does, I will be phoning the care home in the morning and asking directly if my mothers house is paying for her care because if it’s not why isn’t it?

OP posts:
Original poster
JustHereLooking · 13/04/2020 23:31

@JustStayHome
I thought they had but I wasn’t sure, I will ask them tomorrow.

OP posts:
TippledPink · 13/04/2020 23:35

If she has a property in her name she won't be able to hide it- this is all looked into when she is financially assessed. Your mum could potentially rent out her property and use the rent to pay the care home fees, meaning the property wouldn't need to be sold.
Unless you have power of attorney you will have no right to information around how your mum's care home fees are being paid. You could ask the care home but due to data protection they shouldn't share information with you. They may tell you if she is privately funding or council funded which will give a bit of a clue regarding her funding situation.

granadagirl · 13/04/2020 23:35

Is the home private or a council care home ?

Normally what happens is council will pay until the house is sold, as that will be used to pay for her care
So regardless what was in the will, the house will pay for her care once sold.

Sister will still be holding a grudge with you, and may think it’s not up to her to tell you as if you were in contact regularly with your mum you would know.
Not having a go at you,
You probably won’t know how bad mums dementia is until you go to the home and see for yourself

You usually get a gut instinct when you walk in a care home
Shouldn’t smell of urine( believe me some do
Should be enough staff walking around

ratio to patients
Not left to just sit in chair

Good luck tomorrow, really hope it’s a good one
Ps don’t go at lunch time, bad time

granadagirl · 13/04/2020 23:38

Just remembered there shut !!!!!

Hill1991 · 13/04/2020 23:38

It all depends if the house was put into trust my DP grandparents house was in trust to stop the state taking the property (he built it his self) if either of them ever needed to go into a care home there pensions covered the cost my his grandma went into one following hospital negligence, his grandad died a few years before. Also they can't take the house if someone is still living there with kids.

Wheresthebiffer2 · 13/04/2020 23:41

No visiting! The country is in lockdown you know.

TippledPink · 13/04/2020 23:44

There are no council owned care homes, at least not in the 3 councils I have worked in. All care homes are private, and the council fund beds at them. Some care homes are too expensive so the council can't afford them, but of the care homes they can afford they have a mix of private and council residents.

cabbageking · 13/04/2020 23:49

It is none of your business since you are not paying or involved in her life. The care home should not discuss it with you unless your mother is able to give her permission to do so.

Original poster
JustHereLooking · 13/04/2020 23:54

@
We do speak I did state that it just wasn't the same relationship as before the argument.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustHereLooking · 13/04/2020 23:55

@cabbageking
We do speak it just wasn't the same relationship as it was before the argument I did say that

OP posts:
Longdistance · 14/04/2020 00:00

If the house is sold, would you not be able to see in Rightmove et al for sold prices? That way you’ll be able to know if the care home fees are being funded by the property sale.

sestras · 14/04/2020 00:09

Hope you manage to get it sorted op. I'm NC and LC with my brother and sister but would update them if my parents had went into a care home.

myfav · 14/04/2020 00:37

@alady is correct. Whenever there's a slight possibility of someone going into a care home they want to carry out a financial assessment. It takes long term planning to avoid paying for care if you have the assets to do so. I hope you get the outcome you want when you ring the care home. If the house has not paid for the care then I imagine it has been transferred to your sister some years ago.