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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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dutchyoriginal · 26/09/2025 08:33

Glad to hear from you and sending all the love

YellowDiamond · 26/09/2025 08:54

Thank you for updating us. Hoping today is an easier day for you.

DeathstarDarling · 26/09/2025 09:18

Thanks for the update, and glad to hear that Gary has been evicted. A surgeon I once knew said big cancer surgery like yours is like being in a major traffic accident in impact - not just the actual injuries (and surgery is an injury) but the shock to your system both physical and psychological. Be kind to yourself and be patient if you can, it takes a while. Just know we are all sending best wishes for your recovery.

Phobiaphobic · 26/09/2025 09:39

Sending hugs. So sorry you're having to deal with all this xx

ChrisReaPoppedAnEggInMyBath · 26/09/2025 09:47

Sending you so much love OP and cheering on your recovery. So hope you're managing to get decent sleep (tricky in hospital I know) and are feeling more upbeat now Gary's gone.

Mrseasy · 26/09/2025 10:39

you got this OP

Here4the · 26/09/2025 10:59

How exciting that Gary has been dealt with but what a rough ride! Onwards and upwards.

Fernticket · 26/09/2025 11:13

Very glad to hear that Gary has been booted out. Sending you hugs and prayers that you make a full and complete recovery.

Horsie · 26/09/2025 11:20

Sending you a ton of hugs and well wishes, OP! I am so sorry to hear that you've been having such a horrible time. 😢

NewAgeNewMe · 26/09/2025 11:20

Wishing you all the best. Good riddance to Gary x

curious79 · 26/09/2025 11:21

This reply has been deleted

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Hankunamatata · 26/09/2025 11:46

Earlandmrsgrey · 25/09/2025 10:59

Hi peeps, I'm either back or haunting you all!!!
Recovery has been hideous, delirium, hallucinations, and an utter feeling of despair. Basically the works.

I'm free from most drains and lines and am just waiting for a bed on the ward so I can finally be free from HDU.

Long road ahead of me still.

Glad Gary's been evicted.
🥂 to your recovery

BunnyLake · 26/09/2025 12:10

DeathstarDarling · 26/09/2025 09:18

Thanks for the update, and glad to hear that Gary has been evicted. A surgeon I once knew said big cancer surgery like yours is like being in a major traffic accident in impact - not just the actual injuries (and surgery is an injury) but the shock to your system both physical and psychological. Be kind to yourself and be patient if you can, it takes a while. Just know we are all sending best wishes for your recovery.

Year’s ago I had to have a tumour removed in a major surgery. I’d never had surgery before and could not have anticipated the shock and trauma major surgery had on me. Waking up to tubes everywhere and looking (and feeling) like I had been in a very bad accident was something I hadn’t prepared for.

Wishing you all the best OP. You have many people supporting you in your recovery even if you can’t see us ❤️

Themaghag · 26/09/2025 12:24

It's good to hear from you OP - this is good and very cheering news. I hope your recovery continues apace from now on. Please know that everyone on this board is rooting for you and wishing you well for the future.

CarefulN0w · 26/09/2025 12:45

Hope you’re making good progress OP and are not too uncomfortable. Hoping that Gary & all traces of him are truly banished.

AlwaysRoomForGin · 26/09/2025 12:49

Just comes across this thread now OP & read all your posts. I hope today brings a step forward in your recovery and that every day ahead continues in the same manner. You have been through such a lot, not just physically but emotionally/mentally so I hope you have good care around you to support you in all aspects of your recovery. Be gentle on yourself 💐

Qashgal · 26/09/2025 13:12

Hi OP. Good to hear from you after your ordeal. It's great to have something to aim for,even if that thing is only the change from HDU. Best wishes for your recovery but please heed the advice I was given following a big operation. That is... Your recovery in months equals( at least) the time in hours of the operation. Now is not the time to push yourself beyond endurance. Rest and recovery now and allow yourself to be taken care of

Stigsmother · 26/09/2025 13:12

Good riddance Gary

Lougle · 26/09/2025 13:31

Fantastic news, @Earlandmrsgrey . Step by step and day by day.

hyggetyggedotorg · 26/09/2025 13:58

Sending you all good wishes for a speedy recovery OP ❤️.

Wordsmithery · 26/09/2025 14:01

So pleased to hear from you @Earlandmrsgrey I haven't met you but you've definitely been in my thoughts. Onwards and upwards.

KoalaBlue1 · 26/09/2025 14:40

Sending you best wishes from Australia.
There you go, you are World Famous now.
Keep your spirits up, And blessing for a good recovery.

LionelMushroom · 26/09/2025 14:45

So pleased to read an update; best wishes for a steady recovery x

Noname973 · 26/09/2025 14:49

Sending you lots of love and hoping you have a full recovery x

doodleygirl · 26/09/2025 15:39

Hope your recovery goes quickly and well