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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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Earlandmrsgrey · 23/01/2026 20:41

Gymnopediegivesmethewillies · 23/01/2026 06:45

How are you doing @Earlandmrsgrey ?

I'm doing ok!!

Still waiting for scan results but I'm not expecting them until at least next Wednesday. Doesn't stop me from being on edge though.

I went to the support group in Bournemouth. Lovely group of people but all at least 20 years older than me. I'll probably go back as I did feel better for going. I've also been in touch with another woman from a Facebook sarcoma support group who is a few years younger than me. She has had the same surgery as me and we've had a good chat. Genuinely felt so much lighter after our messenger conversation. There are others out there like me...I knew there were but just needed to find someone!

Also hoping to become a bit more involved with Sarcoma UK and their involvement network. I'm willing to share my story beyond this thread.

Back to work is going well. It was so weird logging into an actual computer Typing on a keyboard is a skill I seem to have lost as I have only been using my phone! Can't find anything on SharePoint, can't remember how to use Teams and Outlook!! Fortunately though my muscle memory in the lab is working well and I'm feeling mostly useful.

The next thing I need to work on is sleep. I just can't get to sleep and I'm so, so tired. As soon as the lights go out the demons come out to play.

OP posts:
NautilusLionfish · 23/01/2026 21:17

Earlandmrsgrey · 23/01/2026 20:41

I'm doing ok!!

Still waiting for scan results but I'm not expecting them until at least next Wednesday. Doesn't stop me from being on edge though.

I went to the support group in Bournemouth. Lovely group of people but all at least 20 years older than me. I'll probably go back as I did feel better for going. I've also been in touch with another woman from a Facebook sarcoma support group who is a few years younger than me. She has had the same surgery as me and we've had a good chat. Genuinely felt so much lighter after our messenger conversation. There are others out there like me...I knew there were but just needed to find someone!

Also hoping to become a bit more involved with Sarcoma UK and their involvement network. I'm willing to share my story beyond this thread.

Back to work is going well. It was so weird logging into an actual computer Typing on a keyboard is a skill I seem to have lost as I have only been using my phone! Can't find anything on SharePoint, can't remember how to use Teams and Outlook!! Fortunately though my muscle memory in the lab is working well and I'm feeling mostly useful.

The next thing I need to work on is sleep. I just can't get to sleep and I'm so, so tired. As soon as the lights go out the demons come out to play.

shoo sleep demons shoo.

In sleep angels in!

Hope you regain your sleep mojo soon. You more than deserve it

AlleycatMarie · 23/01/2026 23:56

Earlandmrsgrey · 23/01/2026 20:41

I'm doing ok!!

Still waiting for scan results but I'm not expecting them until at least next Wednesday. Doesn't stop me from being on edge though.

I went to the support group in Bournemouth. Lovely group of people but all at least 20 years older than me. I'll probably go back as I did feel better for going. I've also been in touch with another woman from a Facebook sarcoma support group who is a few years younger than me. She has had the same surgery as me and we've had a good chat. Genuinely felt so much lighter after our messenger conversation. There are others out there like me...I knew there were but just needed to find someone!

Also hoping to become a bit more involved with Sarcoma UK and their involvement network. I'm willing to share my story beyond this thread.

Back to work is going well. It was so weird logging into an actual computer Typing on a keyboard is a skill I seem to have lost as I have only been using my phone! Can't find anything on SharePoint, can't remember how to use Teams and Outlook!! Fortunately though my muscle memory in the lab is working well and I'm feeling mostly useful.

The next thing I need to work on is sleep. I just can't get to sleep and I'm so, so tired. As soon as the lights go out the demons come out to play.

Just realised this thread is on page 40 - @Earlandmrsgrey can you make another thread and link it here please? If no one else posts after this you should be ok!
PS glad to hear the update that things are going ok!!

chatgptsbestmate · 24/01/2026 07:59

@Earlandmrsgrey the thread will be closed when it reaches 1000 posts.

I'd love to keep in touch if you have the time to start a new thread 🥰❤️✨️

OP posts:
EvolvedAlready · 24/01/2026 20:54

When you’re going to sleep at night, say to yourself with meaning. “I command I sleep peacefully and uninterrupted tonight, thank you”. See how it goes. Stay strong and best of luck next week xx

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