Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

[Earlandmrsgrey]

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

Nothing helpful to say other than I’m so very sorry that you’re going through this and for what happened to your DF.

I am so sorry to read this. What is the next stage in terms of diagnosis and planning. I think you need to know what you are dealing with before you do anything. For obvious reasons you are fearing the worst but at this stage, you do not have a firm diagnosis so I think you need to try and take it one step at a time.

I am sorry to hear that you are possibly facing this awful disease. Please don't hang around waiting and waiting for the medics to diagnose you properly and give you the definitive answer together with a treatment plan. Time is precious in situations like this. There is a thread going at the moment about a poor woman waiting and waiting for weeks on end in agony in order to get a firm diagnosis. It was not her fault, but do not take no for an answer.

There's no point in saying much more to Mum until you know for certain what the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis is. Things have moved on a lot in cancer treatment and you may be a candidate for the Whipple procedure if it turns out to be pancreatic.

I wish you well in your journey. I don't know how I would deal with it myself TBH so it's very easy for me to say all this. Good luck and if you feel like it, keep us posted as to how things are going for you. Maybe the anonymity of MN will help you offload some of your worries.

I think it’s important to remember too that 15 years is a long time in terms of advancements in medical care.

I am so sorry. What a difficult situation.

My best friends dad had pancreatic cancer and had time get things in order and spend quality of time with family yet it still felt shocking and not enough. My own father died of a long progressive motor neurons disease and we all had lots of time to get ready as things got slowly worse. That said it was still not enough time and grief hit me really hard.

Having seen your father go through it gives you real insight, but you do not have a diagnosis yet. Tried to live each day in the present. Take one step at a time. I had a melanoma so I know that is almost impossible in the diagnosis stage where your mind races ahead of you. But as much as possible, just deal with what you know right now.

Facing a journey when a loved one is poorly is never easy. This will be so hard for your family as clearly you are a thoughtful kind person who is undoubtedly very loved. I think everyone will appreciate honesty and opportunity to ride the storm with you.
Sending you hope and strength at this difficult time.

I’m so sorry to hear this. I think keep her appraised of your symptoms so the ultimate diagnosis isn’t a shock … but you don’t know what it is yet. Obviously serious but (eg) it might be another type of malignancy other than the pancreas. I have lost a number of family members too young to cancer - but at the the same time we’ve also assumed that other family members have been stage iv when it fact it was something fixable.

I'm hoping with all my might you have something treatable

Your own feelings are more important than your mum's. Please give yourself some space to find out what is going on and how you feel about it. Best of luck to you

Thanks for holding my hand. I'm usually so controlled but I'm completely losing that control.
Fifteen minutes until Sewing Bee...that should give my head a break for a short while.

I'm so sorry. I wish I could say something more positive but maybe stress your family history to the docs and keep pushing.

Awaiting CT scan. At least things are moving. Feel dreadful today and in such pain.

I’m so sorry. Do you have anyone near by who can give you a shoulder?

Thinking of you as you go through the scan OP.

I hope you have managed to reach out to a loved one or friend who can be with you today or the very least for your results.

Oh OP. I’m so sorry.

💐 no words, but here if you need us.

Sending positive thoughts, OP. I hope you’ve had your scan now and they can give you something for the pain. Being in limbo is really awful, so I hope you get some answers. That will help the chat with your mum too. Life can be very cruel sometimes.

I'm so sorry. I've lost two loved ones to this awful disease. Hoping that it's better news for you than you expect...I know my lovely late mum convinced herself that she had pancreatic cancer at one point, but she did not... and sending you hugs if it does turn out to be bad news. It will be tough for your mum, of course, but she will want to know so that she can try to support you.

Take care OP. Hoping that things turn out better than you expect.

I’m so sorry. I hope you will be as comfortable and pain free as possible.Life is very unfair sometimes

Sending love ❤️ You know, it might be treatable. xxx

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Cancer is a cruel, horrible illness, but there are milder forms and much illness that was once terminal is evolving into something more chronic that people are living with for years. I have my fingers crossed that you have something that's manageable and once on the cancer pathway (assuming that's what it is) things will look less terrifying. Wishing you all the best. 💐

I'm so sorry OP. Sending love and positive thoughts xx

Sending hugs to you OP. MY parent also died from this disease - it's awful. Sending you good wishes and hope for some positive news and treatment options.

I'm so sorry OP. I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer last year and it's one of the most devastating diseases. It was too late for my dad but Professor Edward Leen in London is pioneering in this type of cancer.

I am sorry to read your post and echo all the well wishes from other posters. If I was your mum, however hard this would be for me, I would still want to know and be able to support you every step of the way.