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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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EachandEveryone · 25/09/2025 11:43

I’m glad you are doing well. The staff on HDU are all lovely but it will be nice to get on the ward. Good luck x

Globelover · 25/09/2025 11:44

So good to hear from you, what a relief, hope you start to feel a bit better soon xx

TheLivelyViper · 25/09/2025 11:49

Hopefully you can free of the HDU soon, and the horrors of recovery can get better. But glad that the surgery was successful!

LatteLady · 25/09/2025 11:51

So pleased you are feeling well enough to post, and glad that Gary is now residing in a bucket on medical waste! Hope the move to the ward happens soon and that you get a good spot...

Sdpbody · 25/09/2025 11:54

I have been thinking of you and that blasted Gary. Your wit and humour will carry you through. Good luck with the recovery.

anyolddinosaur · 25/09/2025 11:58

Goodby and good riddance Gary. Hope you either are going to a private room or a ward with lovely people.

Myjobisridiculous · 25/09/2025 12:00

Sending all my love for your ongoing recovery

Beachtastic · 25/09/2025 12:00

Congratulations on getting through, OP! I guess the hallucinations etc are an after-effect of the anaesthetic... people pay good money for that sort of thing at festivals 😉 but I am sorry it has left you feeling low. Hope you feel better soon 🌞

EasternSkies · 25/09/2025 12:01

Oh, OP, big step done.

I think the aftermath of a GA and loads of morphine is a big deal - not to mention the up and down of adrenaline and emotional turmoil.

But with Gary out with the trash, hopefully you can start to reclaim yourself and your body for YOU, baby step by baby step.

Thanks for updating us.

Abthdust · 25/09/2025 12:03

Thank you so much for updating! Sorry the road to recovery has been hideous so far; here's hoping it is plainer sailing from here. Still rooting for you from the cheap seats. A bientot, Gary!

Undermyheatedblanket · 25/09/2025 12:12

Wishing you a comfortable and speedy recovery.

TheRosesAreInBloom · 25/09/2025 13:23

Oh bless you OP, wishing you a speedy recovery…..keep on keeping on x

Sunshineismyfavourite · 25/09/2025 13:33

Sending massive hugs to you for a speedy recovery OP. Onwards and upwards 💪🤗

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 25/09/2025 13:36

Adding to the wishes for a speedy recovery, OP. X

Imbusytodaysorry · 25/09/2025 13:55

@Earlandmrsgrey glad your up and hopefully on the mend .
Hoping for only good things for you moving forward.

AshKeys1 · 25/09/2025 13:55

Hang in there OP 💐

FairyBatman · 25/09/2025 14:21

Pleased you are feeling well enough to post!! Good riddance to Gary he was an a-hole anyway!

DistractMe · 25/09/2025 14:40

Welcome back! All the very best for your recovery x

Getupat8amnow · 25/09/2025 15:11

Thinking of you. You are magnificent OP. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Change2banon · 25/09/2025 15:39

Ah good to hear from you! Wishing you a speedy recovery x

chatgptsbestmate · 25/09/2025 15:54

I'm SO pleased to hear from you
Thinking of you every day
Sending love ❤️

SapphireSeptember · 25/09/2025 16:30

Hello OP! I hope you have a good recovery. ❤️

BatshitCrazyWoman · 25/09/2025 16:32

Sending you love @Earlandmrsgrey I hope you feel a bit better each day Flowers

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/09/2025 16:38

Glad to hear your update op. Onwards and upwards, this too shall pass.

Crikeyalmighty · 25/09/2025 17:17

@Earlandmrsgrey lovely to hear from you - roll on that bed!!