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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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Perfectcake · 21/09/2025 19:43

Hope your recovery is going well - take care op x

momtoboys · 22/09/2025 20:11

Thinking of you and sending best wishes.

Typicalwave · 22/09/2025 20:21

Popping in to leave well wishes. I’ve been thinking about you. Rest up

Frankenpug23 · 22/09/2025 21:49

Just to say I am thinking of you and have everything crossed that your surgery and recovery are going well. Sending love & hugs 💐❤️

Somuchtodotoolittletimetodoit · 22/09/2025 23:50

Thinking of you. I hope you are doing well. Sending get well wishes x

Flidina · 23/09/2025 07:56

Been thinking of you OP, and hope your doing well, take care.

PerriDowton · 23/09/2025 10:29

Hope you are well. We are all thinking of you.xx

Painfullife · 24/09/2025 21:23

Been thinking of you. Hope you’re recovery is going well x

LookingforMaryPoppins · 25/09/2025 07:08

Earlandmrsgrey · 18/09/2025 19:08

This time tomorrow Gary will be gone, along with most of my left flank. Kidney, colon, probably spleen and tail of pancreas. Every time someone comes in to discuss all I can think to do is make my way through a list of all the other non essential organs. I've got gallbladder, stomach, appendix and 3/4 of liver on that list! Its like a strange coping mechanism and I'm mentally thinking about all the dissections I did during my biology degree!

I have 3 surgeons and all seem very competent and regularly work together. I want to know who makes the first incision, do they take it in turns and pop for a coffee or in between? How do they decide who is in charge of the play list? Why can't I come up with a sensible question?!

Pre-assessment all done and they've eeked the last bit of blood out of the veins on my left arm. I've got loads of pre-op drinks to take and a bathing schedule to follow.

I'm due for surgery at about 11am. Then will recover in hdu for 36-48 hrs. Then back to my room for 7-10 days. You will all have to wait a while for an update.

Once again, thanks for all your supportive messages. This board really has saved me from some dark times and I'm sure it will be needed again during the recovery process.

Hope all is well and you are making a swift and full recovery xx

Earlandmrsgrey · 25/09/2025 10:59

Hi peeps, I'm either back or haunting you all!!!
Recovery has been hideous, delirium, hallucinations, and an utter feeling of despair. Basically the works.

I'm free from most drains and lines and am just waiting for a bed on the ward so I can finally be free from HDU.

Long road ahead of me still.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 25/09/2025 11:05

Hello. I'm glad you're on the road to recovery from the surgery.
I hope you're not feeling too uncomfortable now @Earlandmrsgrey

Gingercar · 25/09/2025 11:05

Welcome back! Hope they find you a bed soon, although HDU is probably one of the best places you can be in a hospital. Hope it’s all gone well and you feel much better soon.

Typicalwave · 25/09/2025 11:06

Earlandmrsgrey · 25/09/2025 10:59

Hi peeps, I'm either back or haunting you all!!!
Recovery has been hideous, delirium, hallucinations, and an utter feeling of despair. Basically the works.

I'm free from most drains and lines and am just waiting for a bed on the ward so I can finally be free from HDU.

Long road ahead of me still.

So good to hear from you! (If you’re haunting us can you please let us know who killed JFK? Ta)

How are you feeling now?

Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 11:09

Earlandmrsgrey · 25/09/2025 10:59

Hi peeps, I'm either back or haunting you all!!!
Recovery has been hideous, delirium, hallucinations, and an utter feeling of despair. Basically the works.

I'm free from most drains and lines and am just waiting for a bed on the ward so I can finally be free from HDU.

Long road ahead of me still.

You’re doing amazing! 🤩 Thinking of you and your family.

NautilusLionfish · 25/09/2025 11:13

Earlandmrsgrey · 25/09/2025 10:59

Hi peeps, I'm either back or haunting you all!!!
Recovery has been hideous, delirium, hallucinations, and an utter feeling of despair. Basically the works.

I'm free from most drains and lines and am just waiting for a bed on the ward so I can finally be free from HDU.

Long road ahead of me still.

Yippee yey! Gary is gone.

Long road ahead but you have the mumsnet army cheering you along the way. I was feeling very distressed and depressed about something this morning and reading this knocked some sense into me (not sure how long that will last) but thanks for the update.

Goldbar31 · 25/09/2025 11:17

❤️

YumYa · 25/09/2025 11:23

@Earlandmrsgrey thanks for updating. You've been in all of our thoughts. Sending positive vibes ❤️

NettieHead · 25/09/2025 11:24

Lovely update! Wishing you as smooth and speedy recovery as possible ♥️

RedDiamond · 25/09/2025 11:25

Lovely news! I wish you a speedy recovery and hope all results go well.

SpiritedFlame · 25/09/2025 11:27

Sending you so much love. I hope the worst is over now but appreciate it's a long road ahead. I hope you get a bed soon and that it's a nice ward.

FloofyKat · 25/09/2025 11:28

Wishing you a gentle recovery journey x

Abra1t · 25/09/2025 11:31

Thanks for updating us and I hope recovery is now smooth and every day you feel stronger and stronger.

Igotjelly · 25/09/2025 11:32

Yay! Goodbye Gary!

Myfridgeiscool · 25/09/2025 11:35

Oh it’s so lovely to read your update OP. So good to hear you’re doing OK. Onwards and upwards! 🎉

Icecreambythesea · 25/09/2025 11:38

It's lovely to read your update. Wishing you a smooth recovery.