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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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10
ReceiveIt · 19/09/2025 21:56

#fuckgary

mechanicalpencil · 19/09/2025 22:13

Hope all went well today OP and that Gary has well and truly buggered off!
Rest well 💐

MeetTheGrahams · 19/09/2025 22:13

Hoping for good news soon

Wadadli · 19/09/2025 22:17

DontbesorrybeGiles · 19/09/2025 09:48

I’m going to have to take issue with you calling any Kate Atkinson book bog standard and nothing special. (I know, I know, we’re all allowed our opinions etc.) She’s brilliant and so witty, and I love the little threads she weaves within a book but also through her other books. I’ve got a pile of her books ready to re-read if I become ill.

Hope you get some good news and make it through this. Black humour is also my defence/coping mechanism of choice.

Agree re Kate Atkinson novels - I love them and Jackson Brodie

RandomUsernameB · 19/09/2025 22:32

Wishing you all the best for an easy and safe recovery. You have a lot of people rooting for you! 🌺

Echoeingecho · 19/09/2025 22:51

whyyyyyisitmonddayy · 19/09/2025 20:38

Bit rude really. Some aren’t tech literate but mean well.

Is it really that difficult to read the thread?

Fatandfluffy · 19/09/2025 22:56

This reply has been deleted

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TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 19/09/2025 23:46

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Reading the OP's posts is extremely easy.

Horsie · 20/09/2025 00:10

I really, really, really fucking hate Gary. I'd like to torture him, waterboard him, and generally make him feel every bit as rotten as he's made OP feel. And then I'd like to slowly and painfully strangle him. #fuckcancer #FuckGaryUpThe ArseWithNoLube.

whyyyyyisitmonddayy · 20/09/2025 01:08

Echoeingecho · 19/09/2025 22:51

Is it really that difficult to read the thread?

For some, yes. Very obviously.

RedDiamond · 20/09/2025 08:47

Wishing you all good things @Earlandmrsgrey and I hope all went well.

DontbesorrybeGiles · 20/09/2025 09:28

Wadadli · 19/09/2025 22:17

Agree re Kate Atkinson novels - I love them and Jackson Brodie

He’s a brilliant character isn’t he.

ChessorBuckaroo · 20/09/2025 09:32

MeetTheGrahams · 19/09/2025 22:13

Hoping for good news soon

OP did say in her last message it would be a while (48hrs in hdu, then another 7-10 days recovering in her room).

Crikeyalmighty · 20/09/2025 10:07

I don’t think some realise what a huge operation that is - I doubt OP will remotely be looking at her phone for 48 hours at all

Contraryjane · 20/09/2025 11:41

She may have been ventilated overnight. It’s routine for very major surgery.

Francestein · 20/09/2025 12:29

“I'm due for surgery at about 11am. Then will recover in hdu for 36-48 hrs. Then back to my room for 7-10 days. You will all have to wait a while for an update“

That’s all you need to know people. Assuming the surgery went as she described, she is absolutely not going to interested in phones and random strangers on the internet.

ChristmasMiracleBaby · 20/09/2025 18:10

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Op has no obligation to keep any of you in the loop regarding her illness.
Maybe show a bit of compassion.

Anotherdayanotherscan · 20/09/2025 18:58

Thinking of you and hope the surgery went well. I am wondering how you got on but wanted to say that having a stoma is something I've done for 25+ years and I am sure if this happens you will just get on. So hoping that you have some good news soon x

HazelBite · 20/09/2025 20:12

Thinking of you and sending positive vibes xx

chatgptsbestmate · 20/09/2025 20:38

This reply has been deleted

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Jesus fucking christ
What's the MATTER with you?
What a vile post

PerriDowton · 21/09/2025 00:14

Rest and relax x

YumYa · 21/09/2025 02:29

Crikeyalmighty · 20/09/2025 10:07

I don’t think some realise what a huge operation that is - I doubt OP will remotely be looking at her phone for 48 hours at all

I agree. She'll be wiped out.

UncertainPerson · 21/09/2025 09:14

Wishing you the best possible outcome Earlandmrsgrey 💐. I hope you’re recovering as well as can be, it’s a journey.

27pilates · 21/09/2025 10:45

She won’t be looking at her phone for at least a week, if not longer. Major- major surgery with 2 immediate post-op days in critical care, with all that entails. A massive ordeal. Best wishes to you OP.

SockFluffInTheBath · 21/09/2025 16:24

Everything crossed for a smooth recovery OP. Wishing you all the very best.