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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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Laura95167 · 19/09/2025 18:21

Please reach out to your DM and DH.

I understand you will be in shocked and scared and desperate to protect everyone else. But this is a time where its OK to be selfish.

Things have moved forward, and Im hoping this is more positive than you fear, but either way you need support to face whats next.

I cant offer any helpful advice but best wishes, and condolences for your DF

ParlourNames · 19/09/2025 18:24

Laura95167 · 19/09/2025 18:21

Please reach out to your DM and DH.

I understand you will be in shocked and scared and desperate to protect everyone else. But this is a time where its OK to be selfish.

Things have moved forward, and Im hoping this is more positive than you fear, but either way you need support to face whats next.

I cant offer any helpful advice but best wishes, and condolences for your DF

This post has been going for a month so the situation has moved on and she’s had major surgery today. You can filter to see all of the OP’s posts in one go if that makes it easier to get up to date.

Laura95167 · 19/09/2025 18:31

ParlourNames · 19/09/2025 18:24

This post has been going for a month so the situation has moved on and she’s had major surgery today. You can filter to see all of the OP’s posts in one go if that makes it easier to get up to date.

Thank you! Ill do that.

Fingers crossed for your surgery OP!

ParlourNames · 19/09/2025 18:38

Laura95167 · 19/09/2025 18:31

Thank you! Ill do that.

Fingers crossed for your surgery OP!

It makes it so much easier when there’s hundreds of posts!

IsawwhatIsaw · 19/09/2025 19:06

💐
Hope all went well today

whereisit1 · 19/09/2025 19:10

All the best OP hope the op went well

Anotherdayanotherscan · 19/09/2025 19:17

So sorry! I am in the same place, I can't quite believe I have to tell my mum that I will most likely shuffle off before her, don't even start me on my husband and young kids. Please get yourself to Maggie's if you have one close,they are amazing listeners and really helped me. I'm so so sorry.

Anotherdayanotherscan · 19/09/2025 19:18

Also to say one of the ladies I knew from advancing cancer group at Maggie's is 3 years in and on experimental treatments, treatment has come on recently, hugs 🤗

Mayrose33 · 19/09/2025 20:03

So sorry OP, try not to worry until you know for sure.
A close family member was told they have pancreatic cancer and we all thought they'd not have long but turns out it was an Endocrine Tumor which is very slow acting and treated with hormone therapy, they are still alive 6 years later.

RuttleTuttle · 19/09/2025 20:06

Mayrose33 · 19/09/2025 20:03

So sorry OP, try not to worry until you know for sure.
A close family member was told they have pancreatic cancer and we all thought they'd not have long but turns out it was an Endocrine Tumor which is very slow acting and treated with hormone therapy, they are still alive 6 years later.

There are 23 pages of this thread. Maybe RTFT? Or even just the OP's posts?

Echoeingecho · 19/09/2025 20:07

She’s had major surgery today. Read the fucking thread.

grannyjacob · 19/09/2025 20:09

Just found this thread and wanted to say that I hope everything went ok today. Your posts have shown you to be an amazingly brave woman, you should be very proud of yourself 🤗 and 💐

Mayrose33 · 19/09/2025 20:15

Sorry just caught up on your messages and realize my previous one was not relevant anymore.

Im sending positive thoughts your surgery went well and they've gotten rid of "Gary" as someone whose been through bowel surgery the recovery can be physically and mentally difficult, hope you've got good support in place

FlorenceAndTheSewingMachine · 19/09/2025 20:21

Hope Gary has fucked off then fucked off some more.
Speedy recovery x

A671090 · 19/09/2025 20:26

Bless you - just read your page for the first time. What an amazing person you are - sending love and positivity xxx

whyyyyyisitmonddayy · 19/09/2025 20:38

Echoeingecho · 19/09/2025 20:07

She’s had major surgery today. Read the fucking thread.

Bit rude really. Some aren’t tech literate but mean well.

Papyrophile · 19/09/2025 20:39

I hope the operation has gone well. I wish you all best wishes, and good luck x

TupATea · 19/09/2025 20:51

Hope everything went as planned today and wishing you all the best for your recovery. Your strength is inspiring. Xxx

littlefireseverywhere · 19/09/2025 20:55

Hope today went well, thinking of you.

Matsukaze · 19/09/2025 21:06

Just been reading your journey and wanted to send you well wishes. Hope your surgery went well and that Gary has been duly evicted x

FlorrieStockton · 19/09/2025 21:09

Just found your thread and I'm hoping that Gary is now nothing but a memory, wishing you a speedy and full recovery.

Stigsmother · 19/09/2025 21:18

😘

Happygo7 · 19/09/2025 21:31

Sending you love and strength
god bless you x

Pineapplecolada1 · 19/09/2025 21:31

🌺

ButtonMoonBlanketSky · 19/09/2025 21:41

Hope Gary's eviction went as smoothly as it possibly could. Sending you all good vibes and thinking of you. Xx