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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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10
Thatcat · 19/09/2025 14:38

I just want to tell you, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s really telling if your goodness that you’re so concerned about your mother. Take care. I’m wishing you the best.

nannyl · 19/09/2025 14:40

Thinking of you at this very tough time xxx

SquirrelosaurusSoShiny · 19/09/2025 14:46

Dear OP wishing you strength x

alicewins · 19/09/2025 15:09

Best wishes to you OP . Hope you make a speedy recovery xx

ChewbaccasMrs · 19/09/2025 15:12

Thinking of you OP and hoping you'll get plenty of rest and start feeling much better soon.

ChaToilLeam · 19/09/2025 15:18

Hoping all has gone as well as possible and Gary has been evicted. 💐

GentleSheep · 19/09/2025 15:24

Praying for a full recovery OP. Hope all has gone well.

ajandjjmum · 19/09/2025 15:31

Just seen this thread. Hoping you are all sorted now, Gary has been well and truly seen off, and that you are feeling better soon. And that they give you a plan - always makes things better.

Lentilcakes · 19/09/2025 15:58

Sending all the best! X

Webbing · 19/09/2025 15:59

Best of luck. I hope you get a break at last now that the right people are looking after your care.

Kottontail · 19/09/2025 16:26

Wishing you all the best. Xx

Citrusbergamia · 19/09/2025 16:32

oh my goodness. I've only just come across your thread. You will have had the operation by now I think; given your last update. I'm crossing everything for you OP and hoping for a full, swift recovery!! Hugs. 💐

CatAsstrophe · 19/09/2025 16:38

Wishing you all the very best @Earlandmrsgrey 💐

SerafinasGoose · 19/09/2025 16:46

I'm so sorry - what a terrible time you are going through OP.

I'm with you and everyone else on this thread in willing Gary to get lost and never return.

Wishing you better news and a good recovery from your surgery ❤

WickWood · 19/09/2025 16:48

Thinking of you, i hope the operation has gone well x

Frostynoman · 19/09/2025 16:53

God luck OP - hope all went superbly well today

MadMadMad · 19/09/2025 17:03

Hope all went well today and look forward to hearing in a couple of weeks that they got it all and you are steadily recovering.

something2say · 19/09/2025 17:14

Wishing you well - you will be in recovery soon!

mrpenny · 19/09/2025 17:22

Trust Gary is well and truly evicted. Onwards and upwards! Xxxx

AlleycatMarie · 19/09/2025 17:41

I just want to say I’m thinking of you @Earlandmrsgrey

I had a similar surgery a few years ago (initially thought to be a gist, then a retroperitoneal mass, that after analysis turned out to be benign, but it did rupture before surgery!) Had spleen removed, part of pancreas and colon. It’s big surgery and I had some complications that hopefully you won’t. Keep us updated when you can (hopefully you will be on all the good drugs and away with the fairies).

Horsie · 19/09/2025 17:44

Thinking of you, OP!!! Wishing you the very best for surgery and recovery. Once you get over the operation, I am sure you'll be significantly more comfortable without Ghastly Gary inside your abdomen.

I hate Gary. 🤬

sc0ttishlass · 19/09/2025 17:56

Thinking of you and like everyone else, hope Gary has gone for good! You have a great sense of humour OP! Even through such a tough subject you made me smile. Lots of love x

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 19/09/2025 17:56

I haven’t been on MN much recently, but I just saw this in trending and read through all the posts. All my love to you OP and sending healing vibes, I really hope your surgery is going okay 🩷

Bloozie · 19/09/2025 18:12

Very late to the party but am here to see Gary off and welcome you out the other side. I hope the operation went well, that you don't feel too rough, and that your recovery is smooth. Sending all the love in the world your way x

Supergirl1958 · 19/09/2025 18:16

Good evening @Earlandmrsgrey ive only just discovered your thread and sending the best of wishes to you x