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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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FiveShelties · 19/09/2025 10:55

Oikoi · 19/09/2025 10:41

Ive just come across your thread and I want to send you lots of love and I hope everything goes well for you

Me too, it has also made me think about the stupid stuff I worry about which is of no consequence.

I wish you all the very best @Earlandmrsgrey 💐

Fiddlesticksand · 19/09/2025 11:09

Just read all this. It’s 11am on Friday. Wishing you the very best.

fruitfly3 · 19/09/2025 11:26

Thinking of you OP - one step in front of the other as you recover.

Spookyspaghetti · 19/09/2025 11:29

You are probably in surgery right now but just wanted to wish you luck with your recovery. Your op has been very moving and you sound like a lovely person 💐

LittleLogOut · 19/09/2025 11:32

So much love for today

L00n · 19/09/2025 11:37

Sending you a prayer 🕊️

grizzlyoldbear · 19/09/2025 11:41

Sending you all the love and positive energy for a speedy healing x

mcmooberry · 19/09/2025 11:57

Thinking of you and hope you wake up to good news about how the surgery went and also that, despite the surgical pain, you are more comfortable immediately with the mass gone. xx

Change2banon · 19/09/2025 11:58

Just come across this. Wishing you the very best of luck OP 💐❤️

YumYa · 19/09/2025 12:17

Thinking of you. I hope you're not in too much pain.

cocoonscriticupgrading · 19/09/2025 12:21

Joining in with all the good and hopeful wishes,

Sunbeam01 · 19/09/2025 12:26

My thoughts are with you OP.

Wishing you all the very best 💐

Allloveisbeautiful · 19/09/2025 12:27

🙏 and hope you have the best care and recovery

Blixem · 19/09/2025 12:35

Good luck @Earlandmrsgrey Sending lots of positivity your way.

Shufflebumnessie · 19/09/2025 12:43

I've only just come across your post, as it popped up in the 'trending' section. Reading everything you've had thrown at you in the past few months, and your incredible ability to find positivity in the small things (the opening of your new pillow!!), I think you're superwoman!!
Thinking of you today and hoping you're soon given all the information and answers you need.

SplendidUtterly · 19/09/2025 13:05

Thinking of you today OP 🙏

YourLoyalPlumOP · 19/09/2025 13:13

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

Tail tumours are different from body tjnours

tail tumours tend to be things like insukinomas. Hormones probkems

have they tested your hormones?

YourLoyalPlumOP · 19/09/2025 13:19

Ignore me! I didntrwad the thread properly.

tresleches · 19/09/2025 13:19

Echoing the growing chorus here. Thinking of you today, my birthday, and I will toast you with my possibly more advanced than studenty open bowel cake x

SunshineOnARainyLeith · 19/09/2025 13:26

All the best OP, thinking of you. Xxx

TooTiredToTrot · 19/09/2025 13:29

Hoping all has gone/is going vey well and that your recovery is smooth, painless and very, very thorough xx

Schoolisback1973 · 19/09/2025 13:33

Hope it's going well OP today! and wish you a very speedy recovery🤗

BestofLuck · 19/09/2025 14:00

Wishing you lots of luck for today OP. Will be thinking of you.

SleepWalkingtoSeville · 19/09/2025 14:11

Sending good vibes OP. You’re probably still in surgery!

hyggetyggedotorg · 19/09/2025 14:14

I’ve only just seen your thread - just wanted to wish you well for your operation & a speedy, uneventful, recovery.