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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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Missingducks · 19/09/2025 08:50

May today go as well as planned and hoped. May your sense of humour and pragmatism remain. Wonder whether the tooth fairy will pay up for Gary ... Perhaps with that Liberty Advent Calendar?

Capricornandproud · 19/09/2025 08:56

Sending much love today OP and hope you’re totally dosed up on pain meds! Xx

frecklejuice · 19/09/2025 08:57

Best of luck for today op 🤞 #getgarygone!

Mrseasy · 19/09/2025 09:03

thinking of you OP

Iamnotalemming · 19/09/2025 09:04

All the best OP. I am exactly the same with irrelevant questions and dark humour in difficult situations. It's like I feel the need to help otherwise feel better. Dont try to resist it, embrace it, it's who you are.
Sending hugs, tea and biscuits Flowers

MerryGrimaceShake · 19/09/2025 09:04

Thnking of you today OP 💐

Greenfingers37 · 19/09/2025 09:08

Wishing you all the best for today OP 🙏🏻 xxx

JazzHandsYeah · 19/09/2025 09:14

Thinking of you today OP x

Skyflyinghigh · 19/09/2025 09:15

Good luck OP. I hope op went well and you are recovering

DrBlackbird · 19/09/2025 09:21

Sending a prayer that in spite of the bureaucratic chaos and miscommunication of the NHS that the actual surgeons skill achieves the hoped for outcomes Flowers

Salome61 · 19/09/2025 09:24

Sending positive thoughts for a successful outcome and good recovery x

Mummy7777 · 19/09/2025 09:30

In my thoughts - you sound like a lovely person. I wish you the best and a long happy life :)❤

Cavalierorwhat · 19/09/2025 09:40

Wishing you a speedy recovery after your operation today x hope all goes well ❤️

FrondsofFriday · 19/09/2025 09:44

Wishing you all the nest today OP.

We are in a similar boat in this house with a rare cancer, several hospitals involved and absolutely shit/non existent communication. We spend hours chasing. It’s properly crap.

DontbesorrybeGiles · 19/09/2025 09:48

Earlandmrsgrey · 08/09/2025 17:25

About a year ago a read a book titled 'When Will There be Good News?'. It was just a bog standard detective story, nothing special, but the title really upset me. I guess with Ukraine, Gaza, Sudan etc it felt really depressing. Little did I know that I would soon be living that title.

However, I have my first bit of Good News!!! It was just a cyst resulting in 12ml of fluid and one sore and deflated boob!

Just one thing to deal with now...and a hydrangea project.

Xx

I’m going to have to take issue with you calling any Kate Atkinson book bog standard and nothing special. (I know, I know, we’re all allowed our opinions etc.) She’s brilliant and so witty, and I love the little threads she weaves within a book but also through her other books. I’ve got a pile of her books ready to re-read if I become ill.

Hope you get some good news and make it through this. Black humour is also my defence/coping mechanism of choice.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 19/09/2025 09:58

Hope all goes well and perhaps a Liberty advent calendar could be purchased to open each day of your recovery in hospital x

Goldbar31 · 19/09/2025 09:58

Thinking of you. Xx

FairyBatman · 19/09/2025 10:13

Good luck today!

Typicalwave · 19/09/2025 10:16

Will be keeping you in my thoughts today.

Mercurysinretrograde · 19/09/2025 10:27

Thinking of you today OP 💐

NutmegsMum · 19/09/2025 10:29

OP, I am so sorry this is happening. Here to hold your hand.

AnxietySloth · 19/09/2025 10:33

Thinking of you today. You sound like an amazing and very strong person. Just read the whole thread and am weirdly glad that you are in getting treatment right now as your first post sounded like that might not even be an option. All the very best for a great recovery and a happy future.

Weenurse · 19/09/2025 10:40

Wishing you all the best 💐

Mollydoggerson · 19/09/2025 10:40

Wishing for the very best outcome for you. Thinking of you and really rooting for you. Stay strong x

Oikoi · 19/09/2025 10:41

Ive just come across your thread and I want to send you lots of love and I hope everything goes well for you