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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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CornbreadCooking · 19/09/2025 07:25

Good luck xx

JacketPotatoAvecFromage · 19/09/2025 07:27

Thinking of you lots today. Hope the surgery goes as planned 💐

EachandEveryone · 19/09/2025 07:28

Also the Free have a great team of massage therapist but you have to ask the nurses to refer you. Please do when you are up to it. Please press on with the PIP claim mine came through quickly and helps massively. If you need any chemo hopefully they can do it more locally.

Sending all my positive thoughts to you today x

NautilusLionfish · 19/09/2025 07:29

Praying all goes well. Wasn't going to have wine today but will keep a white in the fridge to celebrate the Eviction of Gary tonight

NooNakedJacuzziness · 19/09/2025 07:31

Sending you all the best wishes and good vibes in the world OP x

Undermyheatedblanket · 19/09/2025 07:32

All the best, hope everything goes to plan x

QOD · 19/09/2025 07:33

Best wishes for today 💐

Foo2 · 19/09/2025 07:38

Best of luck OP x

Bimblesalong · 19/09/2025 07:38

All the best today x

Nifty50something · 19/09/2025 08:02

Wishing you all the best for today xx

Lilactimes · 19/09/2025 08:09

Wishing you all the very best for today OP and the successful eviction of GARY!!
you sound so amazing and brave ❤️

For your husband … ((I wish I’d found this thread earlier as I could have helped with some travel advice for UCL and RF) If your husband is daily visiting on public transport - he could northern line from Waterloo and walk from Belsize Park tube station to RF very easily; or drive and park in RF car park which has limited spaces, but also there is daily parking at Swiss Cottage for a tenner from very early in the morning and you can pre book on Just Park; OR if you park at the top of the Heath near Highgate and Kenwood, it’s free to park on the streets around there after midday for the rest of the day. It would be a short uber down to the hospital. The premier inn in Archway is also the cheapest in that area if he’s staying over but there is also a more handy one in Belsize Park (I think).
Wishing you so much luck xx

Alwaysinamood · 19/09/2025 08:12

Best of luck today. Hope it all goes well for you x

Snorydog · 19/09/2025 08:17

Best of luck today OP

PerriDowton · 19/09/2025 08:22

Praying for you and wishing you a speedy recovery.
You have our love and support x

Ithinkimrincewind · 19/09/2025 08:26

Hoping Gary has gone and your recovery goes well

ThisLemonHare · 19/09/2025 08:28

All the best for today OP.

Gingercar · 19/09/2025 08:35

Thinking of you.x

NoNotTodayThanks · 19/09/2025 08:37

Thinking of you, I hope all goes well today 💐 xx

WorstInvite · 19/09/2025 08:38

Random comment but When you are feeling better, the Japanese restaurant at the bottom of Pond St (on S End Green) is delicious if you fancy some takeaway. I know it will be a while before you can eat but hopefully it won’t take too long.

Let me know if you or your husband need any local tips whilst you are there. Xx

Boeufsurletoit · 19/09/2025 08:39

Sending good wishes for today OP!

Flux1 · 19/09/2025 08:39

Thinking of you and wishing you the very best with your op and recovery x

MrsRonaldWeasley · 19/09/2025 08:40

Thinking of you 🥰 Hope all goes well today. Bye Gary 👋🏻

Trickedbyadoughnut · 19/09/2025 08:41

Thinking of you, OP!

MrsPerfect12 · 19/09/2025 08:42

Wishing you the best of luck for your surgery.

Fernticket · 19/09/2025 08:46

Wishing you all the best for today OP🙏.