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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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Fooshufflewickjbannanapants · 19/09/2025 06:14

Thinking of you today lovely.

GreatWesternClusterfuck · 19/09/2025 06:19

I’ve just caught up with this thread and sending you all the positive vibes and good luck OP!!

Kidsgotothatschool · 19/09/2025 06:21

Only just come across your thread but I am sending you all the best wishes in the world for today and the planned riddance of Gary!

DisgruntledPelican23 · 19/09/2025 06:27

Thinking of you today. Hope all goes well ❤️

CameForAVacationStayedForTheRevolution · 19/09/2025 06:27

Wishing you all the best for today. Another one who has only seen this thread for the first time just now.

HazelBite · 19/09/2025 06:29

Thinking of you and sending positive vibes xx

FancyNewt · 19/09/2025 06:29

All the best today x

LookingforMaryPoppins · 19/09/2025 06:33

Hope all goes well today x

Vanessashanessajenkins2 · 19/09/2025 06:33

Just read your thread! Wishing you the very best today! Good luck. Will be thinking about you 💐

Francestein · 19/09/2025 06:40

Thinking of you from Australia. Wishing you a speedy and successful recovery.

HeNeedsRehab · 19/09/2025 06:42

Wishing you all the best OP

jardy · 19/09/2025 06:43

Thinking of you x

Rattyandtoad · 19/09/2025 06:45

Good luck today! Be brave, you are brave but you also don't have a choice. Gary will be Gone and Banished. The pain will be so much better. Thinking of you - don't worry too much about the extras they are taking, you can deal with that. Did you take sewing with you?
Update on how the bowels are and we can give you some diet ideas to mix up the food! Sending love and hope across the miles

Thelosthalfathought · 19/09/2025 06:50

Thinking of you today hope everything goes smoothly

Wegovy2026 · 19/09/2025 06:52

Wishing you a successful surgery. Your team sounds excellent.

MyBigBoots · 19/09/2025 06:55

Good luck and best wishes for today x

Sausagedognamedmash · 19/09/2025 06:58

Best of luck for today! Hopefully by this afternoon Gary will be long gone!

MarmaladeSandwich7 · 19/09/2025 07:02

Also just found this thread. All the very best for today OP. Surgeons can do amazing things 💐💐💐

Daisymail · 19/09/2025 07:03

Wishing you all the best for today x

Nestingbirds · 19/09/2025 07:10

Good luck op you are brave 🙏🏼

Motnight · 19/09/2025 07:11

Best of luck, Op.

JurgenKloppsTeeth · 19/09/2025 07:12

Good luck for the eviction of Gary today and hope you have a speedy recovery.

OmLidia · 19/09/2025 07:14

💟

Beenwhereyouareagain · 19/09/2025 07:14

Yennefer17 · 18/09/2025 19:54

Not for pancreatic cancer. (I work in pharma that makes cancer treatments).

How is this helpful to OP? Please stop with the pessimistic information.

TheStorksAccomplice · 19/09/2025 07:24

Wishing you the very best outcome from your surgery today. And please buy that Liberty Advent Calendar! I bought one for my daughter a couple of years ago as she started a course of the most punishing chemotherapy. Best thing I could have done apparently.