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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
ChessorBuckaroo · 19/09/2025 02:02

All the best for today OP. Cheerio Gary.

Flidina · 19/09/2025 02:50

Thinking of you OP, and hoping everything goes well for you.

Bournetilly · 19/09/2025 03:13

Good luck, hope it all goes well!!

Melminiani · 19/09/2025 03:32

Thinking of you OP and wishing you the very best of luck tomorrow.

TimeForATerf · 19/09/2025 04:15

Massive prayers and luck and love sent for today OP, they wouldn’t do the op if they didn’t have hope, take care and stay positive 💐🍀🙏

SiameseBlueEyes · 19/09/2025 04:17

Lots of luck and best wishes.

Backofthenet20 · 19/09/2025 04:23

Hoping your surgery went well and you are beginning your recovery journey

Sunblocker · 19/09/2025 04:27

I just found your thread. Sending you all the luck and best wishes in the world. You sound like a wonderful woman. 💐

Iizzyb · 19/09/2025 04:31

hoping it all goes well today OP xx

Badgerandfox227 · 19/09/2025 04:33

Wishing you well OP xx

YumYa · 19/09/2025 04:48

Best wishes for today ❤️

smileyplant · 19/09/2025 04:51

Good luck for today and wishing you the best possible recovery 💕

SweetnsourNZ · 19/09/2025 05:07

Igotjelly · 19/08/2025 20:45

I think it’s important to remember too that 15 years is a long time in terms of advancements in medical care.

This. I know a few people with stage 4 diagnoses who have either gone totally into remission or are at least past the 5 year and living great lives. Please push for treatment as soon as you can. My grandad also died from this as he left it too late to get treatment. This was in the 80s. Good luck.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 19/09/2025 05:09

Thinking of you and have everything crossed for your surgery later 💐

Kyogo67 · 19/09/2025 05:19

Wishing you all the best for today. I hope all goes smoothly. Sending you strength xx

connie26 · 19/09/2025 05:29

I'm so sorry OP. I lost my dad through pancreatic cancer 10 years ago. I hope they can do something for you x

Meezer2 · 19/09/2025 05:29

Sending love and hugs for tomorrow. 🌷💐x

ApolloandDaphne · 19/09/2025 05:35

Good luck for today. I hope it goes well.

Olive72 · 19/09/2025 05:35

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending positive thoughts for your surgery and recovery ❤️‍🩹

Flamingmentalcats · 19/09/2025 05:51

Best of luck for today xx

WorstInvite · 19/09/2025 05:53

hope the surgery goes well OP. Wishing you a good recovery with lots of pain meds xx

Climbinghigher · 19/09/2025 05:53

Hopw all goes well OP x

Seabreeze18 · 19/09/2025 05:59

Good luck op! 💐

Peridot1 · 19/09/2025 06:08

I read your first post when you posted but haven’t see your other posts until now. Wishing you all the very best for your surgery today.

(I’m also in Hampshire and our trains go into Waterloo and I love that you managed to wend your way home from your hospital appointment via Liberty. And resist the advent calendar!). Hopefully you will get back to a mooch around Liberty soon. I think you deserve the advent calendar though….

Lovecleansheets · 19/09/2025 06:10

Sending lots of positive vibes your way OP. I shall be thinking of you today.