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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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TheRosesAreInBloom · 18/09/2025 23:38

All the very best to you for tomorrow OP and adios Gary! Xx

SoUncertain · 18/09/2025 23:39

You've got this, OP! I hope your recovery goes well. Get lost, Gary!

Careeradviceplease1234 · 18/09/2025 23:40

Good luck tomorrow OP and speedy recovery. Hoping to hear from you when you feel able.

DistractMe · 18/09/2025 23:40

All the very best for tomorrow and for a swift recovery, hope you don't mind me sending a wee prayer up for you. 🙏

Goodbye Gary, you won't be missed.

NB Now I really want to know what's on the surgeons' playlist.

Isanyonereallyanonymous · 18/09/2025 23:41

I don't really know what the appropriate response here is, other than to say that your sense of humour and matter of fact-ness in these times is kind of inspiring. I'm not sure that makes sense, sorry, but wishing you all the very best with the surgery and post op recovery.

StripyShirt · 18/09/2025 23:45

Good luck, and warm wishes for a good recovery!

momtoboys · 18/09/2025 23:46

@Earlandmrsgrey your attitude is amazing. We will all be thinking about you and those of us who pray will be storming the heavens.

MumWifeOther · 18/09/2025 23:47

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and that you’re facing it alone. Please don’t. You said “I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself.”. Break this cycle now please 🙏🏽 There are many causes to cancer, one of which can be unresolved trauma and emotions. Wishing you well ❤️

SandyY2K · 18/09/2025 23:49

Earlandmrsgrey · 18/09/2025 19:08

This time tomorrow Gary will be gone, along with most of my left flank. Kidney, colon, probably spleen and tail of pancreas. Every time someone comes in to discuss all I can think to do is make my way through a list of all the other non essential organs. I've got gallbladder, stomach, appendix and 3/4 of liver on that list! Its like a strange coping mechanism and I'm mentally thinking about all the dissections I did during my biology degree!

I have 3 surgeons and all seem very competent and regularly work together. I want to know who makes the first incision, do they take it in turns and pop for a coffee or in between? How do they decide who is in charge of the play list? Why can't I come up with a sensible question?!

Pre-assessment all done and they've eeked the last bit of blood out of the veins on my left arm. I've got loads of pre-op drinks to take and a bathing schedule to follow.

I'm due for surgery at about 11am. Then will recover in hdu for 36-48 hrs. Then back to my room for 7-10 days. You will all have to wait a while for an update.

Once again, thanks for all your supportive messages. This board really has saved me from some dark times and I'm sure it will be needed again during the recovery process.

Wishing you all the best.

Somuchtodotoolittletimetodoit · 18/09/2025 23:51

All the very best OP. Thinking of you tomorrow. xx

HerkyBaby · 18/09/2025 23:54

Good luck tomorrow OP. Will be thinking of you x

AnneShirleysNewDress · 18/09/2025 23:58

Just wanted to wish you luck for tomorrow.

cauliflowerry · 19/09/2025 00:02

Sending you positive vibes OP you are in good hands .X

Fatandfluffy · 19/09/2025 00:05

Good luck - your way of writing reminds me of another poster, can’t remember her name. Paula? Anyway - hope they get rid of Gary tomorrow once and for all!

MocktailMe · 19/09/2025 00:12

You're a fantastic writer. I look forward to more of your excellent writing telling us the tale of your successful surgery, and restful recovery period. I certainly hope someone will be providing a crumble when your appetite returns.

The very very best of luck.

PrincessFiorimonde · 19/09/2025 00:16

I've only just come across this thread and want to send you my best wishes, OP. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow Flowers

BramblesMum · 19/09/2025 00:21

Sadly not for pancreatic cancer, still about 6-12 months max from diagnosis. My advice is talk & keep talking to your loved ones.

Fatandfluffy · 19/09/2025 00:28

so do you have the biopsy results? Do they know what it is before they operate?

crazy if they’re going in blind. Make sure you ask?

FloofyKat · 19/09/2025 00:35

Gary, begone!
You are so articulate and your humour is spot on. Hope you are soon in recovery and ready to stitch a parliament of sparkly owls along with garden-Gauls of hydrangeas. Anyone know what the collective term is for said blooms?
Everything crossed for you x

ParlourNames · 19/09/2025 01:07

Another one wishing you all the best!

notthatoldchestnut · 19/09/2025 01:10

Best of luck! X

Muffinmam · 19/09/2025 01:12

It’s not a diagnosis until you have a biopsy.

There is a possibility you could have surgery and remove part of your pancreas and your whole kidney.

My neighbour got pancreatic cancer during lockdown down. That was about 2020 in my State. He had surgery and he’s walking around. I would say he’s fine but the surgery gave him diabetes.

His daughter told me he was free of cancer. I said “WTF - that never happens”.

Get the biopsy and investigate treatment options.

CherrieTomaties · 19/09/2025 01:13

Just read every single update @Earlandmrsgrey and wow, what an admirable and humorous- wonderful person you are.

Wishing you all the best for the safe eviction of Gary tomorrow! Sounds like you’re in good hands💐

Muffinmam · 19/09/2025 01:14

BramblesMum · 19/09/2025 00:21

Sadly not for pancreatic cancer, still about 6-12 months max from diagnosis. My advice is talk & keep talking to your loved ones.

My neighbour got pancreatic cancer in lockdown. He’s still walking around. He got surgery and he’s fine (except for diabetes).

My city is notorious for its shitty public hospitals. I suspect he went private.

Becauseyouaskednicely · 19/09/2025 01:35

Sending you love and good wishes OP x