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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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Dirtymicrobe · 18/09/2025 22:41

Get gone Gary! Wishing you all the luck in the world for tomorrow and sending you all the healing vibes xx

Joystir59 · 18/09/2025 22:43

Sending you my best wishes for surgery and after.

nomas · 18/09/2025 22:47

Wishing you all the best, OP.

mjf981 · 18/09/2025 22:51

Thinking of you and wishing you all the luck in the world OP.
Hope they manage to get it all and recovery isn't too painful xx

PinkyFlamingo · 18/09/2025 22:55

Hope it all goes well tomorrow

MyPeppyCat · 18/09/2025 22:58

OP, whilst you might feel rough for a while after surgery, your journey back to health begins tomorrow. Thinking of you and sending you all the very best. X

TheOpalMoose · 18/09/2025 22:59

Bon voyage Gary. Wishing you all the best tomorrow ❤️

Kirbert2 · 18/09/2025 22:59

Just read all of your messages. Good luck for tomorrow!

My son was diagnosed with Burkitts Lymphoma last year. He was stage 3, his caused a bowel obstruction and he had 4 bowel surgeries in the end including a stoma and then having it reversed when his treatment was finished and he was well enough for surgery. He's been in remission for almost exactly a year now and is back at school and doing well.

It's a tough journey and it can feel never ending but you can get through this. xx

WatieKatie · 18/09/2025 23:00

Best wishes for tomorrow OP.

Echoeingecho · 18/09/2025 23:01

Sending love and strength and best wishes for a good outcome. I had ovarian cancer 11 years ago and so I know a little of what you’re going through. 💐

Allisnotlost1 · 18/09/2025 23:01

Begone Gary! I hope your recovery is smooth OP, and I suggest you buy the Liberty advent calendar online so you’ve something to distract you xx

Barney16 · 18/09/2025 23:03

The very, very best of luck OP. I hope all goes well.

LemondrizzleShark · 18/09/2025 23:05

mindutopia · 18/09/2025 22:11

Best of luck for tomorrow. Glad you have a plan. You made me laugh though because you reminded me that my main preoccupation when I had my big surgery last year (melanoma, had to have a chunk of my head plus 63 lymph nodes removed, I’m doing well now btw). I wanted to know how they ate lunch and had coffee and used the toilet. It was a 9 hour surgery. They must have had to pause and do all these things, sit down, have a break, check facebook or whatever.

My consultant is absolutely lovely and he kept checking me on the day if I had any questions. And literally I just wanted to know about lunch and coffee and if someone really needs a poo. 🤣 I couldn’t bring myself to ask him! But you’ve just reminded me of this, and I’ll be seeing him soon, so maybe I’ll ask this time. 😂

Oh I can answer this - depends on the kind of surgery, but there are usually a couple of surgeons present for big cases and they either swap in and out, or they pause at opportune moments and de-scrub to pee/drink something, then scrub back in again. Obviously for shorter cases you just power through, but for these 18 hour mammoth cases, they are taking quick breaks.

You do get very good at holding urine for multiple hours, and we sometimes post haribo down the side of the surgical masks, or poke a drinking straw down the side of the mask. But usually they just take breaks.

Myfridgeiscool · 18/09/2025 23:06

Hope all goes smoothly tomorrow OP.
Gary will be sent packing.
You'll be eating white bread toast and drinking NHS tea before you know it.

AnnoyedMum2 · 18/09/2025 23:10

Wishing you well for your surgery and recovery Flowers

RiffRaffBananas · 18/09/2025 23:13

Will be thinking of you tomorrow OP.

Roomforapony · 18/09/2025 23:14

I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow OP🙏🏻 Wishing you every piece of luck and good fortune that this time tomorrow Gary is history and you’re on the road to recovery ❤️‍🩹

Brody77 · 18/09/2025 23:18

Best luck tomorrow Mrs Grey xx

Hameth · 18/09/2025 23:20

Sending love

Andouillette · 18/09/2025 23:23

Sending you my very best wishes and love for tomorrow. I am so glad that Gary the Gargoyle is to be evicted tomorrow. Bugger off Gary, you horrible little creep.

SpiritedFlame · 18/09/2025 23:23

Wishing you all the best for your surgery tomorrow OP.

Good riddance to you Gary!!

I hope the recovery will be as smooth as it possibly can be for you.

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 18/09/2025 23:23

Good luck! Look forward to hearing your update once you're the other side of the op🙏

MyOtherProfile · 18/09/2025 23:26

Thinking of you tomorrow 🙏

hmb255 · 18/09/2025 23:30

Good luck for tomorrow xx

NewDayNewColour · 18/09/2025 23:35

All the best darling 😘