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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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10
Crikeyalmighty · 18/09/2025 21:21

Good luck OP - x

Loveallaroundyou · 18/09/2025 21:22

Wishing you all the very best . This time tomorrow Gary will be in a specimen pot and out of you. Know that we will all be rooting for you and sending our strength and positivity for a speedy recovery x

Wadadli · 18/09/2025 21:28

Earlandmrsgrey · 18/09/2025 19:08

This time tomorrow Gary will be gone, along with most of my left flank. Kidney, colon, probably spleen and tail of pancreas. Every time someone comes in to discuss all I can think to do is make my way through a list of all the other non essential organs. I've got gallbladder, stomach, appendix and 3/4 of liver on that list! Its like a strange coping mechanism and I'm mentally thinking about all the dissections I did during my biology degree!

I have 3 surgeons and all seem very competent and regularly work together. I want to know who makes the first incision, do they take it in turns and pop for a coffee or in between? How do they decide who is in charge of the play list? Why can't I come up with a sensible question?!

Pre-assessment all done and they've eeked the last bit of blood out of the veins on my left arm. I've got loads of pre-op drinks to take and a bathing schedule to follow.

I'm due for surgery at about 11am. Then will recover in hdu for 36-48 hrs. Then back to my room for 7-10 days. You will all have to wait a while for an update.

Once again, thanks for all your supportive messages. This board really has saved me from some dark times and I'm sure it will be needed again during the recovery process.

@Earlandmrsgrey I’ve just come across this thread and I have my eyes, fingers, toes, and eyelashes crossed for your speedy and uneventful recovery. All the very best to you 💐.

Cherrypie2 · 18/09/2025 21:30

wishing you all the luck in the world! Hope you get a speedy recovery xx

FlamingoQueen · 18/09/2025 21:33

I’m new to your post but have read all of your updates. Sending you lots of hugs for tomorrow x

AhBiscuits · 18/09/2025 21:39

Best of luck tomorrow and wishing you a speedy recovery from your surgery. X

mommatoone · 18/09/2025 21:47

Lots of luck OP xx

Pollypolls · 18/09/2025 21:48

Wishing you all the very best

chatgptsbestmate · 18/09/2025 21:49

Sending such a lot of love ❤️

mindutopia · 18/09/2025 22:11

Best of luck for tomorrow. Glad you have a plan. You made me laugh though because you reminded me that my main preoccupation when I had my big surgery last year (melanoma, had to have a chunk of my head plus 63 lymph nodes removed, I’m doing well now btw). I wanted to know how they ate lunch and had coffee and used the toilet. It was a 9 hour surgery. They must have had to pause and do all these things, sit down, have a break, check facebook or whatever.

My consultant is absolutely lovely and he kept checking me on the day if I had any questions. And literally I just wanted to know about lunch and coffee and if someone really needs a poo. 🤣 I couldn’t bring myself to ask him! But you’ve just reminded me of this, and I’ll be seeing him soon, so maybe I’ll ask this time. 😂

HappyHedgehog247 · 18/09/2025 22:13

Just found your thread. Another person out here sending best wishes for Gary's departure tomorrow. Good luck

Beach11 · 18/09/2025 22:13

Sending you positive vibes for tomorrow op. Stay strong.
Gary, bye bye!

ScribblingPixie · 18/09/2025 22:14

All good wishes to you!

DoIWantThis · 18/09/2025 22:22

Hope it goes well OP. Goodbye Gary! I hope that you sleep well tonight.

ChristmasMiracleBaby · 18/09/2025 22:25

Hope it goes well, fingers crossed for a smooth recovery. Flowers

Junglistmass · 18/09/2025 22:25

Sending you lots of strength xx

Sunnysideuptoday · 18/09/2025 22:28

Best of luck for tomorrow OP and a very speedy recovery 🌼

Rattles1 · 18/09/2025 22:29

Sending love and strength- hope it all goes well tomorrow x

TheFunDog · 18/09/2025 22:30

I've just come upon your thread and read all your updates... You sound an amazing lovely person.. Love your sense of humour and feel it's really getting you through this... I'm sure you're terrified.
Time you left the building Gary!!
Tomorrow is your day.
Keep strong Op.
Xxxxxx💕

EwwSprouts · 18/09/2025 22:30

Best of luck for tomorrow.
When I had a fairly minor op and the anaesthetist popped in beforehand the best question I could come up with was "are you running to schedule?"!

OrdinaryGirl · 18/09/2025 22:32

New to the thread but wanted to send lots of love and a handhold for the days ahead 🌷 🍰 ☕️

Dery · 18/09/2025 22:33

Thinking of you, OP. Wishing you all the best for your surgery and a comfortable and steady recovery afterwards.

Chocolatebunny61 · 18/09/2025 22:33

Good luck for tomorrow OP. I hope all goes well and Gary is successfully evicted. I’m thinking about you x

dotdotdotdash · 18/09/2025 22:35

Sending love dear @Earlandmrsgrey More importantly, did you see the Sewing Bee final? I haven’t watched it yet but have my fingers crossed for Caz… no spoilers!

Strokethefurrywall · 18/09/2025 22:41

Get to fuck Gary!
Sending strength and many best wishes for a good recovery from across the Atlantic 🙏🏼💐