I just need somewhere to write this because I need to be strong for my family. I’m 37 weeks pregnant, my whole world is falling apart.
My darling amazing mother who has always been so healthy. Never smoked a cigarette, barely drinks, healthy lifestyle etc.
Last week her face had drooped slightly. We forced her to hospital where she was told she has a small brain tumour. After a week of testing we are now told she has cancer in her lung which has spread to her brain. Nobody has said whether she has a chance of extending or curing etc (if anyone knows please don’t tell me I can’t face it just yet either way).
She looks and feels normal, this has probably been going on for years. My heart is in utter pieces, I can barely function. I was with her today when she was told. My partner came home from work because I just can’t even think properly. I keep sobbing. My son is here and I keep trying to hide it. My partner has had to go out for an hour and I’m literally counting the minutes down till I don’t have to have a level of functioning again.
I’m so scared, my mum is such a wonderful lovely person. Not that anyone deserves this but my mum absolutely doesn’t. Me and my sister are both pregnant. My dad won’t be able to cope without my mum. None of us will. Honestly (if I wasn’t pregnant obviously) I wish it was me instead. I don’t know how I’ll go on if/when she goes. I just can’t bare the thought of living in a world where my mums not in it.
Would sell my house, car, life etc to help this go faster but apparently private will take longer than NHS.
I just can’t believe this is happening. My baby girl is being born next week and I’m dreading it. I’m not ready to cope with a newborn and major op when we don’t know what’s happening with my mum. Honestly want the ground to swallow me up but I know I need to be strong. Sorry if this is rambly. I needed to put this somewhere.
Im just shut down or sobbing. I wish there was something I could do. I just can’t believe it.