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Camping

Our UK Camping forum has all the information you need on finding the right equipment for your tent or caravan.

What do you do about errr ....<coughs> sex when camping?

121 replies

notanumber · 14/08/2009 21:07

I have to say I found it a bit inhibiting.

Toddler asleep a few metres away, but that wasn't really the biggest issue.

I couldn't really get rid of the knowldge that there were loads of people sitting around their tents and the only thing dividing them from our bonking was a bit of nylon.

Very paranoid about making any noise and then it was a bit of a faff errr... clearing up afterwards....

Do you all go at it like randy teenagers under canvas or was I not alone in mostly chastely reading a chapter of my book of a night-time?

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 15/08/2009 21:49

Confess to being bemused about all the "cleaning-up" comments.

Have you lot never heard of baby wipes?

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 15/08/2009 22:10

Rub it in, it has great anti aging ingredients.

DownyEmerald · 15/08/2009 22:14

Camp in outer hebrides, and wait for a storm! No-one can hear anything except wind and rain - I hope!

overthemill · 15/08/2009 22:16

once upon a time in canvas holiday tent in france, in the afternoon all kids in kids' club we decided to take advantage of the lull. 1) middle child came back for the money, 2) little one came back to tell us she'd been sick, we opened the flap to see how she was to.................
the ENTIRE kids' club standing in our tent agog as we emerged naked. Rep gave us a huge smile tho!

never again

CHW · 15/08/2009 22:32

Slightly away from the initial point I know, but I have never understood how anyone could pull / have a shag at a festival. Apart from the obvious noise and mess issues already mentioned, no one has a proper wash for the majority of the time. Ugh.

Paolosgirl · 15/08/2009 22:36

Never ever in a tent - sound travels way more than you think.

Now in the loo of a caravan while the kids are having breakfast and watching a DVD is another matter (which is where DC3 was conceived and why we almost called him Louis!)

Portofino · 15/08/2009 22:43

In the loo! God, there was barely room for my bottom in the Siblu van we had, let alone baby making sex! The BEDROOM wasn't much better.

Armi · 15/08/2009 22:59

DH and I have only camped once (we're both wussies who like crisp bed linen and lolling around hotel bars when we go away) but I have to say the sex was great fun. It was like being a teenager again and having to be very, very, very quiet....which made it feel really naughty. Which was fab.

Was the best thing about camping. But then, we don't have kids (yet)...I'm not sure I'd fancy doing it with a small, loud-voiced person nearby who might bellow, 'Mummy and Daddy...what are you DOING?!?!' at the top of their voice and in scandalised tones at any moment, thus alerting the entire campsite that an act of extreme depravity was taking place.

Paolosgirl · 15/08/2009 23:31

Babies and small children who sleep are one thing. Great hulking 12 and 10 year olds who are all knowing and all seeing are another matter!

Am v Armi. And yes, the caravan loo was tiny! [Shamefaced emoticon]

snowybun · 15/08/2009 23:51

My only condition is the site has to have showers. We do have two kids in the tent but they are in seperate bedroom pods and just make sure they are asleep.

supersalstrawberry · 15/08/2009 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nannyL · 16/08/2009 00:19

Just make sure you dont have a light on

i got up for a 1am wee last time i was camping and saw an "interesting" silhouette of a couple in a VERY interesting position!
Could here them too.
could not imagine them the same when they were sitting outside.

Oh and on my way back from the loos i did shine my super strong torch at their tent!

muggglewump · 16/08/2009 00:30

The only time I've had sex whilst camping was on a PGL holiday when I was 17!.

No one woke up, we did it in the spare tent as we sneaked out in the night.

You might want to rethink sending your kids on PGL holidays though

Earthymama · 16/08/2009 09:37

Dp and I went to camp in Glastonbury a few years ago, (the town not the festival BTW). We put up our small tent and then had a little sleep, we're very exciting people.

As we snoozed a party with FIVE tents, many windbreaks and a gazebo established base camp TWO feet from our door; we had to sidle in and out. They partied all night, the kids, the grannies,everyone except for the teenager lying about four feet from us who was on her mobile to her mates at home until 4 am, telling them how crap it was.

So the next morning we pulled up the tent pegs and carried the tent to the other side of the field. Around 6ish an ancient Mondeo pulled up and an elderly couple put up their tent. They seemed to be minimalist campers, just airbed, duvet and a small stove but were friendly enough.

As DP and I sat reading and chatting about our plans for the evening rather amorous noises began to emerge from their tent. Oh bless we thought, and went off for a stroll to give them some privacy.

When we returned they were still going strong and the lady was somewhat vociferous so we went up to shower and change. As we left the melodous strains continued!!

We were amazed when we got back at midnight to realise that they were still at it!! and so loudly!! We were howling with laughter as you can imagine as were other campers sat outside with drinks. The highlight was when the gent enquired if perhaps it was time to stop and the lady replied, 'oh no, darling it's so lovely do go on' and off they went again.

They must have stopped at sometime, (we had purchased earplugs after the previous evening)and emerged in the morning with no reaction to the wide grins of their fellow campers, drank a cuppa, packed up and drove off!!

So on our third night we were shattered; all was well as we popped in the earplugs, chastely cwtched up and fell asleep in the quiet and calm.

Which was rudely shattered by screaming and shouting (which penetrated even our exhaustion and the earplugs)and the revving of a car engine as an irate young women drove off, leaving behind her befuddled partner. He began to wander the site, swearing and threatening to kill her when she came back. He was obviously off his head on something and it was scary. The police came and put him back in his tent; his girl friend had taken all his clothes so he was naked and they urged him to stay put.

Of course the minute they'd gone he was wandering, looking for his girl, his clothes, all the time mumbling then shouting. When he started having conversations with some other voice he could hear in his head I was terrified, I've never felt so vulnerable in my life.

Luckily another camper must have had some experience with these situations and came out to calm him down, I wish DP and I had been so brave, though with other people, we joined her and waited while the police came to pick him up.

We packed up and went home and slept around the clock!! However we still go back, it's all part of life's rich tapestry!!

LetThemEatCake · 16/08/2009 10:26

we went camping a few years ago with another couple - they were in the first flush of their relationship, we'd been together 6 years or so.

Late at night we hear what we think is Darth Vader - that spooky breathing thing, you know?

It's them on their crap Argos air mattress. All night!!

HarrietTheSpy · 16/08/2009 10:31

Earthymama - A CORKER. I would be dining out on that story for years. On one level, I'm not surprised you still go, much better than a same old same old B&B somewhere, hey?

iateallthecreameggsyummy · 16/08/2009 11:10

loved reading everyones thoughts so thought id put my experience of this in.....

Camping when i was about 17 with DH, arrived late at night so just put the tent up in the dark, went at it like rabbits all night not thinking about lights, silouttes etc.......

When we emerged from the tent in the morning a young lad about 7/8 ish announced across the campsite he could hear and see us having sex last night! lmao

Oh those were the days!! lmao

WidowWadman · 16/08/2009 11:17

To be fair the noise problem is no different to when you (or your neighbours) have sex in a terraced house.

specialmagiclady · 16/08/2009 11:29

I find that if we Both keep our mouths full we can keep it quiet! (and quick...)

shockers · 16/08/2009 11:40

Afternoons are much noisier on campsites and therefore an ideal time to get 'close' without anyone realising what you're up to. I have also been in close proximity with a squealer and a grunter... wonder if it was the same couple

Heated · 16/08/2009 11:44

The couple one tent away were sooo noisy, she sounded like a pair of wheezy bellows and him a stuck pig, every morning at 7am and whenever it rained! Everyone knew when they were at it as their pampered pooch would be stuck outside the tent looking wet & miserable.

Ponymum · 16/08/2009 12:56

I have to ask specialmagiclady - mouths full with what, exactly?

In my younger years I went camping with a new set of friends, not realising the exact nature of the relationships amongst the group. In the middle of the night I heard what I thought was an airbed being pumped up in the next tent, and thought, oh that's nice (married) guy X is helping (single) girl Y pump her air mattress back up. Not quite what was going on, I realised later!

I have definitely done it in tents when I was younger, but I was more into wild camping in romantic remote places - a beach in Australia, the Scottish Highlands, a snowy mountain in Canada - all quite wonderful I can happily report!!

widowwadman I know what you mean about terraced houses. DH and I used to piss ourselves laughing at a neighbour who had the odd "gentleman caller". The horrendous aah aah AAH noises would go on forever but never actually reach a conclusion. DH wanted to yell out advice to the poor blokes!

jellybeans · 16/08/2009 13:19

lmao at this thread, hilarious

mycampingshame · 16/08/2009 13:50

All that fresh air makes DP very frisky so we tend to be at it like rabbits and he just walks around looking pleased with himself for the duration.

Agree with the earlier post that having to be quiet seems ruder and naughtier. However, failed miserably on last camping trip and had very noisy, drunken bumsex and I couldn't help but squeal .

So if you were staying at the Hillside campsite in Dorset last week, sorry about that !

giraffesCantReadShiteTabloids · 16/08/2009 14:26

re festival sex - have never been but surely everyone is so pished the whole time they don't care they their lover is caked in mud and stale piss?