Teacher says this is normal behaviour for Y1 & 2. I disagree

[Palomiino]

I’m so fed up and sad. We found what we thought was a small, lovely independent school for my dd who is 6. Reception went perfectly. There wasn’t a day she didn’t want to go in.

This year, she has been bullied by two girls in year 2 (they mix the year groups together) . It has made her very anxious to go to school and she clings on to me at drop offs.

Examples of things happening;

Pinching
scratching
pushing
running into her at play time
snatching things off her
manhandling her out of a play area

Every time I complained to the teacher about it, she was saying that it’s normal for 6, 7 and 8 year olds to deliberately hurt each other some times because they’re still learning and sometimes they irritate each other. I disagree! I would expect this behaviour to be gone after nursery.

The head does not want to know about anything. When she took over, last year she didn’t even do a handover speech.

One time, during written communication, I pushed back and said that other children in the class had seen my dd being targeted and had reported it to their parents who told me. The teacher apparently spoke to the bullies that day, who admitted to her that they had deliberately hurt my dd. They were made to write letters of apology, which we still have.

Anyway, this is still going on and I’ve just about had enough. It’s frustrating because my dd has done really well academically this year and she’s very bright. She was so happy last year. Yesterday, dd said that one of the bullies pushed her again in the line. The teachers response was to say to the bully ‘Look at G’s face and tell her you’re sorry’.

This is not working. The children think they can just carry on this behaviour. Another mum told me that last year, three of the girls managed to cut their own hair without the teacher noticing and went home with wonky hair.

Now, in September the bullies are going up into the next class and my dd will be with her peer group and the year below for a year. But then next year we will be back to square 1.

What would you do at this point?

As a teacher I can assure you this is not normal behaviour, you are right. Ask you have already asked the teacher to address it and she hasn’t I would ask for a copy of the schools formal complaint procedure and follow that. People sometimes think it will be helpful to go directly to the chair of govs but following the procedure is the best way to go about it. Try to keep a record of everything you have raised, together with the dates as well

Well I guess you can see how next year goes if they’re not in the same class. Or just move her? I’d not be paying for my kid to be miserable at school. Do you have other options?

I don’t know if it’s ‘normal’ or not but it’s definitely not acceptable behaviour.

It's outrageous that the teacher told you it's normal for children of this age to physically hurt each other. I would be furious! However, as it's nearly the end of the year and they're going to be separated next year, I guess you could leave it for a year and see what happens. Hopefully by the time she's in year 4 these girls may be nicer and the teacher may be more effective.

Honestly I would just move her. The school sound utterly inept.

I don't think this sort of behaviour would be tolerated in a state school.
Are they worried about upsetting the parents by tackling those girls behaviour?
The schools attitude isn't helping either or daughter or the girls who think it's ok to hurt other children.
I would move my child.

This particular teacher is very soft and I think just isn’t a disciplinarian. She keeps on saying that there is no evidence of my dd being specifically targeted.

My daughter is autistic, is very sensitive and I don’t think she would cope with 30 children in a class. The other private schools in our area probably aren’t ideal for her either. Some of them don’t want to take autistic children at all.

One of the girls mothers is a teacher at the school.

It isn't necessary to be a disciplinarian to be a good teacher. In fact the opposite.
That's not the issue here. It's the teacher's incompetence

Well my point is that there are no consequences for bad behaviour.

This is very pertinent information.
As is your daughter’s autism.

You need to arrange calls and visits with all other possible schools.

This is not normal behaviour but it seems to be a common trend that less is done in private schools regarding this sort if thing as they don't want to lose a bunch of other fee paying families!

im guessing the teacher doesnt want to tell the teacher-mum of the bullies that her little darlings are bullying another child.

id be writing to the head to tell her about the bullying and saying the bullies have admitted their behaviour and have apologised in writing and verbally, however they are STILL doing it and you want a meeting with the school and the children’s parents to address this ongoing bad behaviour and ensure it stops now as it’s causing your child harm and she is now scared of them.

if that doesn’t work id be speaking to the teacher-mum directly. If that doesn’t work id be into the school governors or ofstead or whomever keeps an eye on the school.

can you both go to martial arts lessons or anything that will give her confidence to push others away? i’d usually say if someone hits you hit them back HARDER but if your child does this she might be put out as beimg a troublemaker as they wont want to get the teacher-mum’s little darlings into trouble as they cannot easily be kicked out as it wont suit the mum who works there and probably would leave if she couldn’t if her kids were put out…… and thats probably wht it’s all being swept under the rug wirh no consequences for her children.

it will be hard to win here. shame she doesn't have a big cousin that could keep her safe.

Thanks for replies. She is supposed to go on a school trip next week but I didnt want her to go because of these children. And the teacher pressured me to let her go, saying what a shame it would be if she missed out etc.

We tried to involve the head with this early on, but she made it clear she wasn’t willing to get involved and said that she trusted the year 1 teacher to sort it out.

I don’t think that’s normal for that age, and even if it is how are the children going to learn to stop doing it without consequences or intervention. I think having a teacher that accepts that behaviour as normal is going to normalise that behaviour to the children as well. Complain higher than the headteacher if you can.

We had this except with a boy whose parent was a teacher. The bullying escalated and we were repeatedly gaslit. We eventually moved her and only after that did we realise that the teaching was terrible and the overall standard was poor. Because the teacher minimised what my daughter was experiencing even now a year later she cannot recognise or call out poor behaviour because it was normalised to her. Unfortunately private schools have little accountability.

When I read posts like this I always recommend signing up your children for martial arts classes. My DGC started age five and now going to high school they have the confidence to head off any bullying.
Since teachers are no longer permitted to discipline unruly /,violent pupils, they need the tools to defend themselves.
It works, believe me

Former teacher here of that age group. Completely unacceptable behaviour from the children and the teacher is handling this TERRIBLY. Make a formal complaint to the school? https://www.gov.uk/complain-about-school/private-schools

@PalomiinoPrivate schools don’t like criticism. They close ranks. If they are mixing classes, my guess is they are not full and they don’t have enough funds to run the school properly. They have certainly scraped the barrel with your teacher. Heads in these schools don’t get involved with teaching quality or discipline. They are really there for PR and showing the school off to parents so people like you buy into it.

I bet she would cope in a good state school. They would have far more Sen experience and better discipline policies. Private schools can often be dire at Sen and thinking a small class is the same as Sen expertise is not a good idea as she gets older.

In this case, staff should keep an eye on your DD at play time and see what’s going on. They won’t take action against the dd of a staff member but should be looking at interaction between dc. Is your dd totally blameless for example? Why isn’t she playing with the y1 dc? The school need to help your DD form friendships with the y1 dc she knows from yr. I would be asking for positive intervention from the school. When she’s y2, is she going in with the new y1? So does that help? Y2/3 mixed is a different curriculum.

You have a year to build your DD confidence up, get her to martial arts class and observe.

Will they still share the playground?

If it continues you can report it to both the teachers and ask what they are going to implement to safeguard your child from these two who have continued to target your child.

They have employed a staff member to manage the behaviour of one of the bullies who other families have also complained about. My daughter said that this does help a little bit but things still happen.

My dd is blameless as far as I know. The teacher describes her as ‘a joy to teach’ and has repeatedly said how lovely she is.

Dd doesn’t choose to play with these year 2 girls - they just seem to have it in for her.

Now, regarding why she doesn’t play with year 1, she is currently the only girl left in year 1. The two girls who she was close with in year 1 have now left the school which she’s also sad about. She gets on well with the boys in her peer group - they are all quite close.

I wonder how the school is able to be financially viable but I think it receives money from Christian organisations to keep afloat.

Yes, they will still share the same playground.

I wonder how the school is able to be financially viable but I think it receives money from Christian organisations to keep afloat

With kids leaving, with bullying and with this statement I'd be looking for a new school sooner rather than later tbh.

Can you honestly see things ever getting better?

Honestly I would give notice now that gives them a term to massively improve things.

I’m sure they won’t block you withdrawing your notice.

Honestly it’s appalling and doesn’t bode well that your DD is the only girl in year 1 already.

To be honest, no. The thing that has made me keep her there so far is that she’s done really well academically. The way concepts are taught is very solid and each child has an individualised curriculum.

Her friend moved to a state school and is finding the work too easy.

However, I do recognise that if she’s stressed all the time, her progress will suffer at some point.