Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 ··· 20 21

Original poster

Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

507 replies

user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 00:54

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:

1bighappyfamily · 07/03/2017 12:06

The response of the school is mindblowing.

I know you've a lot on OP but i'd be contacting the Chair of the Governors, OFSTED and either the LEA or the Academy Trust right now. The management of the school is clearly deficient and that place is not a safe environment for ANY child.

ExplodedCloud · 07/03/2017 12:07

Sorry should have added only after the school have been forced to address this do you decide about deregistering her.

Annesmyth123 · 07/03/2017 12:07

I wouldn't name the school and I'd keep all comms off social media.

TBH I'd even look at getting this thread down as the situation is unusual enough to possibly be identifying.

Janus · 07/03/2017 12:08

Well done Mum, you have a daughter who can speak to you and knows you will help look after her. All these other revolting children will have parents who will be ashamed to their core of their child's behaviour (I hope).
I was bullied at school by one main girl and her friends who didn't have the nerve to go against her. She moved from one girl to another so although the bullying lasted less than 6 months I remember it very clearly. BUT, a few months after it stopped I made some wonderful friends and still in contact with some of them now, many years later. I was the same age as your daughter. Your daughter will get through this, just keep talking to her.
I would phone the bloody school again and demand to talk to the Head and tell them you will also be contacting OFSTED and letting them know how they deal with bullying. It's nothing but an utter disgrace how they have treated you and your daughter. I am furious for you, it's absolutely shocking they didn't feel fit to make contact with you.
Wishing you much better times ahead

humourless · 07/03/2017 12:09

You can reopen the thread under your username, we will look for it. x

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 07/03/2017 12:09

OP you have done exactly the right thing. Your poor DD :( it's frowned upon to use this term on MN but those evil little shits deserve criminal records and worse, each and every one of them.

for you both.

RedSauce · 07/03/2017 12:09

the head of student care knew of the situation (to the point that your DD could have taken her life) and didn't get in touch with you to let you know

The fact that the head and the deputy head didn't run out of their bloody offices to meet with you says everything you need to know about this school IMO

These are two very important points. It seems that nobody at the school is taking this seriously at all, which is extremely worrying. There's no way I would send my child back there.

toomuchtimereadingthreads2016 · 07/03/2017 12:10

well done for everything you have done so far, am so glad that the police seem to have stepped up and taken things seriously. School response is and was abismal. Head of student care sounds completely incompetent. In your situation I would use today to completely disconnect from everything outside your four walls and spend the day with your daughter, comforting or distracting her in anyway you think she might like.

tomorrow sounds like its time to take on the school, from the highest level possible, their response is completely inadequate... can't believe they knew and didn't get in touch! Imagine if you weren't aware of what happened?!

Morphene · 07/03/2017 12:10

I am horrified the school knew what was happening and didn't contact you. That is really terrible. Your poor DD.

amidawsh · 07/03/2017 12:11

DON'T deregister and let this joke of a school off the hook.
keep her off, trash their attendance figures.
I am so shocked at the school's non response, they need an urgent visit from the police, LEA, ofsted.
Get your mamma bear roar on. (sounds like you have, keep going!)

alltouchedout · 07/03/2017 12:11

Your poor, poor DD.
I would not send her back to that school.
I'm very glad you have contacted the police.
I would contact the LEA and ask whether I could register my concerns on the school's handling of the matter with them and poor safeguarding now, or whether I needed to first address these to the governors, then depending on what they had said, I would act accordingly.

Please tell your dd this is not her fault and that the vast majority of people are utterly horrified by such appalling behaviour.

Morphene · 07/03/2017 12:12

Oh and very well done for getting the police involved. It doesn't surprise me that your DD was initially against it, but I am heartened to hear she has already begun to see it for the supportive, caring and necessary action that it was.

WorshipTheGourd · 07/03/2017 12:13

OP I have been reading in tears for you both.

I am so glad you/your dd spoke to the Police and I hope they take criminal proceedings on the basis of the strong evidence they have.

I would NEVER send my child back there, given the utter incompetence and lack of any sort of care the Management of the School have shown. She will never be safe there.

I'd ask for an emergency appointment with GP, it might help to get CAHMS on board quicker (they can be patchy but are worth a try).

I remember being lured into a basement by a group of School 'friends'. It was a long time ago and things were different then. But it is NEVER okay.

Please tell your Dd that, for what it is worth, there is another 'mob' who has her on their minds, and it is a Mob of people on MN who are applauding her (and your) courage.x.x.x.

Original poster

user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 12:13

Honestly, god knows what the school were doing all of yesterday after not bothering to listen to my message. One of them had the nerve to say "We have many students here and each one has their own set of problems and difficulties.", implying in a passive aggressive way that they simply can't be arsed doing anything about it. They just rang me to say they've got 10 of the "culprits" in SS being interviewed by the police one by one, and asked me if I wanted to come back in. At least some progress has been made, but I doubt they'd have bothered had the police not shown up.

DD is a little bit more relaxed, I've told her I'm not sending her back and she is snuggled up in her room watching Pretty Little Liars at the moment. I just glad to see her calm and not on the verge of a breakdown. I feel like the waters have been steadied, so to say, I doubt the whole mess has been sorted though. I'm dreading the next few weeks.

OP posts:

HateSummer · 07/03/2017 12:14

Shocking! Hope your dd is ok.

Blastandtroph · 07/03/2017 12:14

THIS

I am speechless at the School's lack of response. They have a safeguarding responsibility to your DD and imo, their actions (or lack of) are arguably complicit in this situation.

lavenirestanous · 07/03/2017 12:16

My heart breaks for your daughter and for you. This has moved me to tears and made me so angry with the school. Time for the big guns now - I would look into legal action against the school on safeguarding grounds. The children involved need prosecuting. 14 is old enough to know right from wrong, and this type of bullying has life-long consequences.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2017 12:16

This is so awful, I really feel for you and your daughter. It's abhorrent. Hopefully the thread and your actions will help others dealing with a bullied child.

I genuinely don't understand what can make a group of teens bully to the level of discussing how to kill another child. And I hope every last one of them is prosecuted and their lives ruined to the extent they have ruined the ops daughters. This sort of trauma at such a young age, in fact at any age, is hard to bounce back from, but with your support I hope she can.

The one piece of good news is she is not like these animals. How their parents deal with the fact their children are total scum I don't know.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 07/03/2017 12:17

Can you contact your LEA, explain the situation to them and tell that your DD needs to move schools and that she will not be returning to that school as they are unable to adequately protect her due to the number of students involves. Seriously, how are they going to go about this, put her in the Head's office until the end of the year? If the other school is over capacity, tough. One more student isn't going to change things that much and this is an emergency. Her life is being threatened she has already been assaulted.

'Safe place' for a few weeks? Are they a bit dim? 10 children threatened to kill her. Where I am the whole lot of them would be spending the night in juvenile hall.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2017 12:18

Oh and shame on the school, how those in authority didn't act immediately and still sleep at night or expect to continue in their jobs is beyond me. The education authority or whomever should step in and fire the lot of them. They are worse than the scum who bullied her.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/03/2017 12:18

I doubt they'd have bothered had the police not shown up

Unfortunately I have to agree; I suppose it's good that they're letting you know what's happening now, but they're probably only doing it to cover themselves

Can I ask if the actual Head has been in touch, or is it being palmed off onto someone else so they can try to distance themselves?

Backingvocals · 07/03/2017 12:18

The poor darling girl. Horrified at this. Please tell her that this is not normal and that it's not her.

I'm glad the police are on the case. I wouldn't deregister if it were up to me. I'd make this the school's problem - she obviously can't go back in until they take it seriously. I don't suppose she would want to go back anyway but let them stew in it.

nigelforgotthepassword · 07/03/2017 12:20

They've got many students 'each with their own set of difficulties'??? How many have they got that have been subjected to a mass assault??
I'm not sure I wouldn't have lost it at that point op-well done on remaining composed.
What's ss's?
I'd go back in but only because I wouldn't trust them an inch to take the action that's needed here.
Glad your dd seems a bit calmer-my heart goes out to her

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2017 12:21

They just rang me to say they've got 10 of the "culprits" in SS being interviewed by the police

Evilstepmum01 · 07/03/2017 12:22

We have many students here and each one has their own set of problems and difficulties.

REally? I highly doubt any of them have been set upon by a fuckin mob! Im angry for you OP but delighted the police are taking it seriously. Their presence at the school should calm down the threats.
Hope you can sort your way through the next few weeks.You and DD have done the hardest thing now, best wishes to you both.
Also, report to ofsted! Jeez...

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 ··· 20 21