If you didn't want to breastfeed/did want to, but didn't breastfeed for as long as you wanted/didn't want to breastfeed, but then did, can you have a look at this thread, please?

[hunkermunker]

A lot is done to try to persuade people to breastfeed.

Personally, I think a lot of it takes the wrong tone and misses the point wholeheartedly; in fact, I think some of the bf promotion does more harm than good. I am, for instance, not a fan of militant lactivism.

I realise that the thread title is a bit broad, and I did consider starting three separate ones, but I thought that may be too much. So, three questions on the same thread instead. And feel free to just splurge your experience - I like splurged experiences! Only if it's not too prickly and upsetting though - I know that this can be a pretty damn raw subject. Thank you in advance

1. If you didn't want to breastfeed, was there anything that could have changed your mind? Antenatally? Postnatally?

1. If you did want to, but didn't breastfeed for as long as you wanted, what would have helped you? Antenatally? Postnatally?

1. If you didn't want to breastfeed, but then did, what changed your mind and when did you change your mind? How long did you breastfeed for?

I didnt want to breast feed my first daughter and didnt. The thought of it just made me feel odd. Nothing would have changed my mind and I used to get annoyed with people asking me all the time if I was feeding her myself.

DD2 is now 3 months old and I am still breast feeding her!! When I was pregnant with her I just thought 'why not try it'. I have to admit I love it! I so regret not doing it with dd1.

I dont feed in front of anyone expect dp because I am very self concious. I think with dd1 I didnt want people seeing me feed or knowing that I was doing it so I bottle fed.

I think women need to be shown/told how to do it discreetly if they are like me.

Also, more support needs to be given on post natal wards. I was really struggling to feed dd2 so I asked for help. The mw grabbed my boob and put it in dds mouth then left! I had to wait for the Bounty woman to bring the pack and then sat with the book open on the bed with the breast feeding guide!

I love breast feeding and have bonded so much easier and faster with dd2 because of it.

Mama, thank you - how lovely you're having such a good bf experience with DD2. Don't regret not bfing DD1 - we do what we do with the information and support we have at the time and I am sure she is as loved and happy as DD2.

You make a good point - I hear so much "you shouldn't be ashamed to bf in public" stuff - well, no, you shouldn't be ashamed to (perish the thought!), but what if you're a bit nervous about it? It's fine to cover up, it's fine not to - whatever you're most comfortable with. It does take a bit of getting used to, that every time your baby's hungry, you'll need to use part of your body you don't generally get out in public to feed him/her - equally, once you are used to it, it seems very strange that you would do anything else!

I wanted to breastfeed ds1 and did so but only for 8 weeks. It was a conscious choice to stop as that is what I'd planned from the beginning. Breastfeeding had been going extremely well and he fed beautifully from day 1. I totally regret my decision now as it was not an informed choice at all. I just didn't really know/consider all the benefits that breastfeeding has. I bought bottles/formula during pregnancy as it just seemed that was the normal thing to do.

I wanted to breastfeed ds2 and did so. Thanks to the discovery of mumsnet I was far better informed this time round and purposely did not purchase any bottles/formula "just in case". I breastfed ds2 until he was 9 months. He was actually much much harder to feed than ds1 but thankfully I was better informed to deal with it. Which make me all the more sad that I didn't feed ds1 for longer considering what a dream he was

I don't quite fit into your questions, but I will answer just that I agree with you - I think too much is about persuading women or trying to change their minds when we should be enabling women to make the choice that is right for them - whether that is breastfeeding, formula feeding, mixed feeding, breastfeeding for a short time and then formula feeding... etc etc.

And I will just add that I only wanted to feed DS for a year, but ended up carrying on because I hung around mumsnet/other forums/etc long enough and started to see breastfeeding after a year as more normal. Now when I have done it or mentioned it in public (DS is 18 months now) I have found that a few people have commented saying they have fed their child for longer as well and it's nice to see someone else doing it. So I think that not feeling alone is a good thing whatever your choice.

1. If you didn't want to breastfeed, was there anything that could have changed your mind? Antenatally? Postnatally?

With DS (DC1) and DD (DC2) i wanted to breastfeed.

1. If you did want to, but didn't breastfeed for as long as you wanted, what would have helped you? Antenatally? Postnatally?

With DS i gave up when hr was just 7 weeks - was a combination of things but mainly poor information and not enough RL support. He also had bad reflux and he fed all the time up to an hour each time. I used a lactation consultant but gave up the day after anyway. What would have helped was realising that you cannot schedule Breastfeeding - that the more you feed especially early on, the better. That most books give poor information about feeding which leads to unrealistic expectations (3/4 hourly schedules)

1. If you didn't want to breastfeed, but then did, what changed your mind and when did you change your mind? How long did you breastfeed for?

With DD i was very informed - read a lot, and for the first 2 weeks all i did was feed. She is 7 months and still feeding. I am ridiculously proud of myself - it is one of my proudest achievements and i would like to train as a peer supporter

MN has been a huge help emotionally this time around too

Oh, CT. It is hard to make decisions without information - and if we don't know we don't know something, we can't regret that. It is, for many, many, many people, totally normal to assume they'll move from bf to ff at some point, often randomly selected (often six months - largely, I suspect, because of follow-on milk advertising) - with that sort of "general knowledge" in society, backed up by media, etc, it's hard to seek out an alternative viewpoint/info.

Bertie, that is a wonderful post - thank you! You are right, and that is literally peer support, in fact.

Ruby, thank you. YES, very good point about scheduling bf, esp in the early days. This is a really useful representation of how feeding patterns change over time

RL support is also crucial - knowing you can speak to someone - does it help to have met them before you have the baby, do you think?

How fab re your experience this time round - and yes, be a peer supporter!

Q2. Having bf'ed dd1 and ds1, dd2 was born with no suck or gag reflex, and so she was fed by NG tube for some time. I expressed for 6 weeks, but then went onto formula (time constraints of expressing/ sterilising/ feeding with two toddlers and a baby with additional needs). Although I spoke to a specialist bf counsellor on the telephone, there was no local specialist knowledge about enhancing bf for a baby with physical disabilities and very weak suck. I managed to latch her on once - it lasted about two minutes, and we both stared at each other the whole time!

She was in special care for 5 weeks, and the unit supported me throughout, providing expressing machine and storage etc, but were obviously concerned with input/ output so bf not really an option.

I needed very specialist support, which is not widely available.

1. N/A

2. I didn't realise how much I would have to sit down to bf (I'm a bit hyper at the best of times) and didn't like the randomness of it all so I got quite depressed with it after a few weeks. I would have been better off getting a double pump and at least getting EBM into the dc's and just bf when I felt like it. Postnatal help from (my now XP) would have made it easier, which he wouldn't do.

3. N/A

I was extremely ambivalent about breastfeeding before dd1 was born - in fact, when my midwife asked at antenatal class for all who were considering breastfeeding to raise their hands, I was the ONLY one who didn't.

The reason I didn't raise my hand was because I didn't appreciate the hectoring tone.

I know now that I was one of the very few in that group who actually DID breastfeed. I don't think anything antenatally could have changed my mind, but I remember saying to my mother a few weeks before the birth that I was going to be relaxed about the whole feeding thing. I would try it out, and if it didn't work, I wouldn't persist (this was due to the horrifically negative experience of a close friend, which I am now ENRAGED about btw).

What made up my mind was seeing dd1 reaching towards the nipple, gumming away like mad and wanting a feed, a few minutes after birth. Was I going to deny her? No!

I breastfed her for a year, and was quite determined to do the same for her sister (and succeeded). Nothing could have put me off, I think, though I think I was v lucky in not having too many difficulties bar one bout of mastitis.

I considered myself quite 'unmaternal' before dd1 was born, and was probably affected by the horrible sexual person/mother dichotomy that is presented in general culture. I think that needs to be challenged - strongly! - in order to make a difference to antenatal feeding decisions.

Not sure I am really answering your questions but I did want to breastfeed. I am educated and knew it was best for baby. Both dc latched on well and fed well but I gave up after 6 weeks with dc1 and 3 weeks with dc2.

dc1 it was due to 'social' reasons. I was single - not by choice - had an awful pg and was not have a great post natal period. I just wanted to emotionally get past it all and it somehow felt bf was holding me back. I really did think if I carried on i would end up with post natal depression. I needed some support and help with baby and that was easier to get if i bottle fed.

dc2 i didn't have that 'excuse' and still feel guilty about it. She had reflux and threw up everything I fed her. She was loosing weight. Gaviscon mixed with formula worked so I took the easy option. Do feel bad though - i should have tried harder - but when tired it is easier to make mistakes.

I tried to breast feed ds1 but failed miserably with latching, so expressed what I could until he was 8wks old. A better informed midwife would of helped as well as better trained breast feeding support workers. They gave conflicting advice and knocked my confidence as a new mum.

With ds2 and dd1 and ds3 I wanted too and was lucky that I found some great advice on attatching when you have inverted nipples on the end of large boobs. I even managed to supply milk for the milkbank.

With my twins now 15wks again I wanted too however I only managed too express instead for 12 wks and combine with formula, not what I wanted but with a three year old at nursery and a two year old at preschool as well as normal school run I couldn't physically find time to b/feed each seperatly and never managed to latch them together. I am however upset that I couldn't maintain expressing for longer but my milk supply dwindled rapidly this time.

As a new mum to twins what might help, well free or cheaper breast pump hire and cheaper twin feeding cushions than is available, and again better training on positioning for twins.

I have been using a breastfeeding cafe this time around with a BFN supporter on hand (who is great)

I think it would be good to meet someone beforehand - post birth you are knackered and not always up to getting out and about (especially if you have problems)

that pie chart is excellent

Totally fascinating how individual all your experiences are - actually, ACTUALLY that's a big reason why the current NHS literature doesn't hit the spot - it's too uniform. But then - how to individualise it for even the handful of differeing experiences posted on this thread? Hmm...

ATOP, six weeks with two toddlers - that rocks! I think the NCT used to have a specialist register where people who'd had very specific experiences could be contacted by other people in similar boats (Tiktok? Do they still do this?). Might that have helped?

Meglet, the sitting down too much thing is something I've come across before - do you think it would've helped if your XP had been more use and you'd been able to sit, feed, then hand the baby over and do other things? Or would eg being shown how to bf wearing a sling have helped?

ooh. v.raw subject for me.
i wanted to and felt pushed to bf with DS, presumed that we would just beable to do it but could not latch.

i expressed and gave a few formula bottles when in hospital. i think with help we managed to do it properly a couple of times. at home i couldnt manage it though and had not prepared for formula feeding

i remember calling a helpline when he'd not fed for a day or too and going to the bf cafe at 7 days but we had to resort to masking tape and shields to feed, some expressing and ff

i gave up after 6 1/2 weeks. i had not slept for more than an hour straight since the day before birth and had to give up feeding and go on sleeping tablets.
from that day, i began to sleep, DS was happier, fuller and life became a whole lot easier.

save having someone there to shove him on my boob every time i don't know what couldve helped us do better. i just couldnt physically get him on and everytime i tried i panicked, the whole experience was a nightmare

i am having DD by cs 2 weeks today and i just don't even want to attempt it. honestly i don't even though i should at least try. i plan on expressing and formula right from the start though how well this will go down on the ward is worrying.

i don't know if i will try. i am scared of the pressure, the feeling of failure if i try and dont get it, the jelousy from DS if i do bf. i just don't know.

splurgey enough?

Ooh, lots of answers now! I feel I ought to reply to everyone, because you're all taking the time to write such lovely posts - bear with me!

I think what saddens me Hunkermunker is that it didn't even occur to me to seek out an alternative opinion/viewpoint.

Epithet, very interesting! Agree totally re the hectoring tone being unhelpful - ridiculous and quite how anyone thinks it's persuasive...! Also, not a good idea to "force" people into having to say "yes" or "no" - midwives aren't meant to ask how women will be feeding antenatally, because it can feel hard to go back on a decision you've made, however arbitrarily.

I am sorry to hear about your friend - did she have poor support from healthcare professionals? Not asking for details if you're not comfortable posting - not your story to share, after all!

HOW sweet to hear about DD1, rooting for you!

And do you mean the "page 3/my breasts are for my husband" sort of thing?

hunker I would haved loved to be able to feed the baby then dash off and do something and stretch my legs / go to the gym etc. I should have been a celeb mum . I always had loads of milk and never got sore, just got fed up with the walls closing in on me after a while. Sods law really, some mums have a rotten time with the pain / supply while I had all that and still lost the plot. XP was really nasty & unhelpful though, so I never got to experience a new baby and bf with a supportive partner which caused my stress levels to rocket and I wanted to run away.

1. If you did want to, but didn't breastfeed for as long as you wanted, what would have helped you? Antenatally? Postnatally?

Antenatally - being told about avenues of reliable information. I only did the NHS classes which showed how a baby should latch on but that was about it. I stupidly read Gina Ford & the Baby whisperer and assumed that they knew what they were talking about.
Not one person told me about cluster feeding, that DD would want to feed far, far more often than every 3 hours etc. Those pie charts are really interesting.

I am so annoyed with myself that I didn't research better myself.

Postnatally -

actually being able to speak to someone at from one of the helplines. I phoned all of them several times and usually got an answerphone by which time I was so close to tears that I didn't feel I could speak to a machine.

someone coming to the house to help & talk in the very early age and staying for a few hours so they actually saw a couple of feeds at natural times.

Info/demos about how to feed lying down & safe co sleeping.

I never thought i would try so hard to breastfeed. DD was an absolute nightmare - v sleepy in early days, v fussy after that, slow weight gain, terrible sleeper, lots of crying etc etc. I limped on for 3 months ebf and another 3 months of mixed feeding after that (plus expressing 6ish times a day).

I wanted to breastfeed both times. With DD I stopped at 13weeks and still regret it. She was a very high need/difficult/miserable unsettled baby and I started topping her up at night, then afternoons, and the rest soon followed.

I knew it was wrong (for me/us) but just didn't know what else to do.

I asked and asked for help - but in hindsight I think I needed something impossible, someone with a crystal ball who could say 'Look here Minnie, this child is just awkward and she will not sleep through til she is 1 even with formula, so keep breastfeeding for God's sake' It had been an awful birth too and I felt like such a failure.

With DS, I was much more determined and more informed. I got through him being a sleepy baby, lost 17% of birthweight. Topped up for medical reasons but swapped to EBM topups and back to fully BF at 8 weeks. Still feeding now at nearly 17months. Didn't plan to keep feeding but we just found ourselves here (Expressing for the top ups with a newborn and toddler was sheer hell though)

Furious, being tired is horrendous - and you'd already had a tough time with your first after a difficult pregnancy. It's not an excuse, it's what you do to get through without going mad, sometimes. Try not to think about it in terms of giving up, trying harder and mistakes, if you can?

And yes, agree with the sitting down thing. That came as a big shock. My aim for next time (if and when) is to try & bf in a sling

I desperately wanted to feed all 3 of mine.

Dd1 - I breastfed for 3 days. I had a very very difficult birth and didn't know whether I was coming or going.
The help I got at the hospital was very 'hands on' which i hated with a passion. I wanted to scream at her to take her hands off me!
There was only one m/w who was looking after the breasfeeding mums. She was short-tempered and impatient and made me feel like a failure to even be struggling
Dd couldn't latch on and eventually the mw said that her blood sugars had dropped and I had to give her formula. It was downhill from there ...

Dd2 - I'd already made up my mind to give it a go, but not stress if it didn't work - I don't feel like I gave it anywhere enough of a go and am still gutted with myself about that

Dd3 - I was so determined to breastfeed - i've never been as determined in my life! I told the delivering m/w that I was breastfeeding who made sure that there was lots of skin to skin as soon as she was born. She fed within 1/2 hour and fed like a pro
I fed her through tt (had it snipped at 13wks) till she was around 17mo when she self-weaned