If you didn't want to breastfeed/did want to, but didn't breastfeed for as long as you wanted/didn't want to breastfeed, but then did, can you have a look at this thread, please?

[hunkermunker]

A lot is done to try to persuade people to breastfeed.

Personally, I think a lot of it takes the wrong tone and misses the point wholeheartedly; in fact, I think some of the bf promotion does more harm than good. I am, for instance, not a fan of militant lactivism.

I realise that the thread title is a bit broad, and I did consider starting three separate ones, but I thought that may be too much. So, three questions on the same thread instead. And feel free to just splurge your experience - I like splurged experiences! Only if it's not too prickly and upsetting though - I know that this can be a pretty damn raw subject. Thank you in advance

1. If you didn't want to breastfeed, was there anything that could have changed your mind? Antenatally? Postnatally?

1. If you did want to, but didn't breastfeed for as long as you wanted, what would have helped you? Antenatally? Postnatally?

1. If you didn't want to breastfeed, but then did, what changed your mind and when did you change your mind? How long did you breastfeed for?

IBM, don't you dare say you "only" expressed for 12 weeks! Nothing "only" about that!

Another interesting point about conflicting advice - yes, it is often the case that someone sounds incredibly plausible, but is talking a lot of rot when it comes to bf (eg if they say to you "give formula so your breasts have time to make more milk" you're pretty sure they don't know much about bf, but without actually knowing that bf doesn't work like that, it does sound like it's logical).

Info for twin mums - v good point.

I don't know if I fit in anywhere, but I decided very early on that my DC would be breastfed, and for at least 6 months (longer if possible). And I did.

I also hated every living breathing second of it. I'm not really sure why. I only had problems at about 4months which the HV came round and sorted out very quickly.

Vile, vile, vile.

1. I bf DS for 16 weeks. I think I had unrealistic expectations of 3 hour schedules etc., and he fed for an hour every two hours. It never seemed to get any easier so I stopped. I still wish I didn't. He still has a huge appetite, so I don't think it would have got much easier, but I regret stopping a lot. he's 10 mo now. I think that a lot more info re feeding on demand would work.

Hunker, my friend was determined to breastfeed, but it just so happened that her dd had a poor latch and wasn't getting any milk, and all my friend's entreaties (after a horrific birth and a hyperemetic pg) were met with a kind of brisk 'get a grip, love' kind of attitude (and a refusal to go and warm up some formula). She was hallucinating with exhaustion ffs!

I would have vomited before admitting to being influenced by a Sun/Nuts style attitude about what breasts were for - in my case, I think it was my oddly Victorian upbringing that influenced me. All the same, I have heard so many pg women discussing how revolted they feel about the idea of their tits sagging/their partners feeling weird about b/f that I have to think it's a strong cultural dissuader.

Oh, Jo, very splurgey, yes - and thank you, but I hope I haven't upset you.

Whilst the last thing I want to do is put pressure on you to do something you don't want to, I wonder whether biological nurturing would help? Have a look here for more information

It's a different way of positioning yourself/the baby. Don't worry about DS being jealous - you can cuddle, read to him, watch TV, chat, do all sorts whilst bf. And it's good for him to see bf too.

But if I say any more, it'll start to sound like pressuring, even though I really do understand and I'm not, promise!

CT, you didn't know there was an alternative viewpoint to be had - so why go looking for it? Don't beat yourself up, please (that sounds stern and it's not meant to! Gawd, I wish tone of voice and facial expression were part of the www experience...!).

I desperately wanted to breastfeed but was absolutely trerrified of the thought of it - I'd had an abusive relationship many years ago, one outcome of which was that I hadn't been able to cope with anyone touching my nipples at all for over a decade. I also encountered negativity at the very beginning of my pregnancy - I stopped taking antidepressants as soon as I found otu I was pregnant and was pretty much made to see an obstetric psychiatrist as a result, and she asked me if I was 'going to try and breastfeed' and told me that breastfeeding problems were the commonest cause of PND and not to feel guilty if I couldn't because formula was so good these days. This set the seed of doubt in my mind. Fortunately, I did 'try' - and am still at it over three years later because all my fears turned out to be groundless and my son and I both took to it like ducks to water!

I really wanted to bf with both my dcs, but it just did not work for me. My 1st just screamed blue murder when I offered the breast and mw just stuffed my =nipple in his mouth and left us. After a few hrs mw said he's a big boy if you cannot feed him you should give him a bottle he needs it
With dd Mws pushed bf but again only tweaked my boobs and she fed a wee bit. I gave up after a few days, but yes I wish someone had actually helped me get my babies latched on instead of doing it for me and leaving me to it.
Maybe the outcome would have been the same-both my babies did not seem too keen,but I do think I could have had a better chance

You don't sound stern! But thank you for understanding!

Oh, dear, I am going to have to go to bed - but I will return to this tomorrow and answer you all. Thank you more

BF was so disastrous with my DS1 that he ended up very, very ill (hypoclycemic (sp) fits) 5 day stay in hospital. feeding was never really properly established before we took him home, that coupled with jaundice and a viral infection led to poor feeding and thus the fits. I wanted to so desperately to stop when we were readmitted but the Doctor insisted that I continue so I did, which involved expressing milk, feeding ot to him in a bottle, then putting on the breast ("20 mins each side - any longer is for comfort" to quote the Doctor) then getting hooked back up to the pump.

He also had to have his heel pricked to check his sugar levels every 3 hours up until the last day we left hospital when the nurse had an almighty row with the doctors saying it was an insane system that had to stop as we couldn't possibly carry on like that. I lasted another 5 weeks before I lost it one weekend as the HV had said a 3oz gain wasn't enough (but then wrote in the Red book it was good ) and started FF.

When pg with DS2 from the outset I decided I would do one feed but that would be it. He was born by emcs so BF was actually easier in the hospital and he fed very well. I think I gave him 1 bottle of FF a day from about a week (memory hazy!) However around 2 weeks ish it became apparent he had a tongue-tie and one of my nipples was pretty mangled. My nice GP was on holiday for that month and the HV etc just sort of shrugged. Around 3 weeks I was really struggling and I felt the PND start again - I remember looking up BF phone lines wanting to ring them about tongue-tie snipping but I just couldn't. At 6 weeks I called it quits and moved over to FF.

For DS1 I wish I had everything had been different, to have known what a proper feed was like, to have known the danger signs...everything really.

For DS2, I think if possibly the hospital could have checked for tongue-tie when we were in that would have possibly helped. I do totally understand it was my responsiblity to do something about it but I am not the most rational person in the early post natal phase.

3, did not want to but did - six times 10-12 months public pressure

Before I had ds (who is now 9) I had decided I would BF if possible. This was because I thought it would be the healthiest option for him (not because I had any strong feelings for myself).

After he was born, it was difficult to get him to latch on, but we succeeded eventually. He did bf, but after about 3 weeks, he wasn't gaining weight as much as he should have done, and also I seemed to be having to feed him constantly. However much I fed him, it was never enough, and I felt completely drained. At this point we did start giving ff top-ups. I then mix-fed him until he was 5 months old. We also started weaning at 4 months (don't flame me for this, it was the accepted advice at the time).

My own feelings about bf were that I hated it - I tried it because I thought it was best for my ds, but actually never felt comfortable with it myself. I also think I ad problems with let-down, which is something which is very rarely brought up, and I had never heard about before having ds.

Since then, I have heard of lots of people's experiences where they have said things like "when I hear my baby cry, I start leaking milk" or "If I think of my baby the milk starts coming out" or even people who start leaking milk in a hot bath.

I can honestly say that I only ever once leaked milk, which was one nght when ds unexpectedly slept for ages (so I didn't wake up either) and in the morning I had leaked a little. All the people who said I would need all these breast pads - I bought them but never used them even though I bf exclusively for the first 3 weeks, and then mix-fed to 5 months. I have so many friends with stories about thinking about their baby an they had to try to stop the milk coming out (when they weren't actually with their child). This just never happened for me. If he cried, I just wanted to throw him out of the window (obviously I never did that).

The whole baby thing was a nightmare for me, I hated bf, even though I knew it would be the healthiest option. But maybe I am just odd....

I ebf ds for about 18 weeks, then mixed fed as I went back to work, then ff completely from about 4 weeks after that. If I hadn't been going back to work so soon, I would have carried on - so a better mat leave would have really helped!

I always thought I would try and bf, but had no real expectations or hopes. Interestingly, I never went to any antenatal classes, so perhaps that was a good thing for me?? Pbf and all, so I would have had a meltdown if 'someone in the know' had told me about a 3/4 hr feeding schedule, then ds turns up and bam, feeds for an hour, then has an hour off, then feeds some more.

All in all, I found it quite stressful at first, problems with latch on one side etc, am not a natural public feeder, mil referring me as 'the milkbar' etc etc, but was too bloody minded to give up. But, if the cultural norm is now ff, then it is easy to ask fellow mums for advice and they give you the norm for ff, not bf. Nothing wrong with that, but there are differences, ie feeding schedules.

Sorry, have wittered on a bit!

Forgot to say, I am glad I bf, but I soooo looked forward to giving up, it was great when I finally did.

Kellymom and mumsnet were real lifelines to me.

And if we have another, I'm not sure I would do it all again, which I realise is a bit sad, but it is true.

No2 for me, with dc1

negatives: Once I had problems, people assuming that I wanted to bf because I had been brainwashed into it. No I wanted to bf because I had never imagined feeding a baby any other way. I had seen my mum bfing my little sister, and my friends' mums bfing their babies. It was normal to me.

My mum, who had extbfed all of us, misguidedly encouraging me to ff, thinking she was supporting me.

Never mind the lack of support and negative attitude from my mw in the early days, once I really got into difficulties it was the above two things that made things worse for me.

The one thing that could have kept me bfing longer, once I got to the point at which I gave up, would have been the understanding that I didn't have to give up. That bfing didn't have to be an all-or-nothing affair. That I didn't have to giv ds certain feeds at certain times. That I could have continued giving him some ff and some bf and some solids for as long as we liked. I was a the end of my tether trying to juggle all three types of feeding, and I just didn't understand that it wasn't necessary. Particularly that bfing would soon change to a much easier, less demanding activity.

I stopped bfing ds1 at 5.5m. I bfed dd until 2y and ds2 until 3y, and found that bfing changed totally once they were on solids. It became, as I said, much less demanding, much more of a two-way relationship between me andthe baby. So so much more pleasurable than the first 6m of bfing. That is what I wish I had known with ds1.

When it came to breast feeding my kids I was made to feel a complete failure.

My ds was on the breast what felt like all day, only had 20 minutes between feeds, and still did not manage to gain weight. I visited the specially trained breast feeding nurse who told me I was doing everything correctly and just to carry on. Unfortunately, my midwife was concerned about about ds lack of weight gain - so we had to take him to the dr. who told us that if he wasn't put on the bottle he would have to be hospitalised! Stupidly, I contacted the bf nurse for advice and was told 'if you must put poison into your child use SMA Gold' - lets just say I wasn't too happy.
As it was I bfed for 13wks before being diagnosed with shingles and having to stop. No stress there then.

Managed to express for 12wks with dd who was 3lb at birth and in NICU for 5wks. She wouldn't latch on so had breast milk from a bottle. I was really proud to have produced my jar of milk to put in the hospital fridge only to find someone had expressed 15 jars of what looked like clotted cream compared to my skimmed!

Have to say I knew my mum didn't agree with my breast feeding but she was great and never said a thing against my attempts. The only comment she made was several wks after I'd given up to say that I was looking much healthier, relaxed and happy.

hunker - This thread is moving fast! No-one on the NCT experiences register had similar at the time, but I had a friend who was a trainee bf counsellor for the NCT who put me in touch with one of their specialist trainers. I spoke to her on the phone (we were in Scotland at the time) and she gave me some ideas about supplementers that would work in conjunction with feeding (essentially to 'add-in' expressed milk to whatever DD was managing to get from the breast - think they were called supplementers... but can't swear to it - I was very tired!), but I couldn't find out how to get hold of one - or anyone close enough to show me how to set it up/ check latch etc. I think if the knowledge had been available locally I would have tried it in a heartbeat, but it was just too much to have to try and work out on my own, whilst fretting over the future.

I'm glad we managed it once though , however briefly.

It did make me seriously consider training myself, but we've never been in one place long enough!

With dd1 I thought I was quite well informed, read a few books, did the NCT antenatal class and our NHS class was quite good on bf too. But I felt like all I read about was how hard bf would be. The NCT magazine ran stories about Mothers biting on a blanket with the pain when they fed, babies vomiting blood they'd swallowed from their mother's nipples, I was told I wouldn't sleep, wouldn't be able to leave the baby with anyone, cracked nipples, leaking nipples, restricted diet etc etc

I was really very ambivalent about bf, felt I should do it but was terrified. I decided I would try it briefly and the first sniff of a problem I'd give formula.

Once she was born (by CS) the midwives showed me how to feed lying down and then left me to it. I was still quite terrified and waiting for things to go wrong at any minute. Staff on the post natal ward just went whenever I asked for help and ignored me but luckily for me dd1 knew what to do even if I didn't. Once we were home it was fine, had no problems at all, and I fed her for a year.

I was much more confident with dd2. I did get a cracked nipple and had a super fast let down that dd2 struggled with but I consulted kellymom and sorted myself out. I only had pain for a day or two. If I'd been a first timer and maybe hadn't know where to access the info I needed, I would have had to wait til the next MW apt for some advice (a few days away at the time). I'm not sure I would have put up with the problems and lasted the course. I also fed dd2 for a year.

hunkermunker Fri 14-May-10 22:17:36

1. If you did want to, but didn't breastfeed for as long as you wanted, what would have helped you? Antenatally? Postnatally?

Didn't want to give up breastfeeding ds early, but was being made very ill and depressed by medication I was on, which was the only one of its kind then known to be breastfeeding safe. Giving up bf early (4 months) enabled me to switch to a medicine that helped me switch out of my zombie-like state and made me safer to look after ds. It was a shame, but nothing that anyone could have done really. There was a lot of support available, and very pro-breastfeeding HVs, but as GP pointed out (and I agreed) I really wasn't safe looking after a small baby.

1. Did want to breasfeed but didn't for as long as I wanted with ds1. This was due to returning to work and as I was doing shifts back then my hours were all over the place. I had hoped to do mixed feeding after returning to work but failed to manage this due to working hours. When I went back to work after ds2 I was working daytime hours and went part time. I managed to mixed feed ds2 after returning to work. So I guess what would have helped with ds1 is either longer maternity leave (it was 6 months when I had him) or maybe if there was an option for shift-workers to return on fixed daytime hours on a temp basis until they had finished breastfeeding.

My children are older, 13 and 21, so don't have recent experience but I'll add my contribution anyway.
Question 2

I decided that I didn't want to breastfeed while still pregnant with my first. DH was very keen to be involved and we had a rota going and we took it in turns to do night feeds and split early and late feeds.
I was not put under any pressure by anyone, family, friends, or midwives about my decision.
By the time I became pregnant with my second, because I had formula fed before, I chose to do it again, for all the same reasons.
I can't think of anything that would have changed my mind. there is more information avaiable now, but the main reason of involving DH would still be the same.